Thursday, April 30, 2009

Nice Moments

I love this warm weather. I love it so much that I'm already dreading next winter. I think if I looked back at my last days of most Aprils, there would be some similar sentiments in past years.

After a little bout of sadness this morning I started counting my blessings and didn't have to get far before I got really grateful. I'm so glad I can ride my bike over the bridge and go teach a group of people who stop what they're doing at lunch so they can take a yoga class. I was playing Snatam Kaur's Ra Ma Da Sa towards the end of class, letting it merge into the relaxation and at the end of the class someone asked me what CD I was playing. I showed him on my iPod and he said, "thank you. Those were some nice moments."

And it really got me to thinking about how nice moments are so valuable. We keep going for nice years or nice seasons or nice partners or jobs or whatever, and really it's about nice moments. Noticing the nice moments. Experiencing the nice moments.

As a yoga teacher I've often referred to myself as an "experience provider," especially for the drop in classes. It's a chance to be in a safe environment, where the lights aren't so bright and the music is soft, and you can have some nice moments with yourself.

If you're not doing anything Sunday night, I highly recommend you attend Snatam Kaur's concert. I won't be in town so I will miss her - again.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

I'm (potentially) Screwed

First of all, congratulations to those of you who identified me in the picture below. I know it wasn't easy. I'm the third in from the left. Thanks to Milo Jackson, who was a buddy in Grade 8, for posting that picture of me on Facebook a few months ago :)

So I'm not totally screwed yet, but I figure I'm going to be by the time I get back from Montreal on Monday. I'm going to do the Landmark Forum Friday - Sunday and I'm psyched and totally looking forward to it. That's not why I'm going to be screwed. I think I just like saying that, let's hope so...

I have a feeling that if this swine flu/n1h1 flu or whatever we're calling it takes hold, or the news about it just keeps getting bad, I won't have any people in my classes. If I don't teach or people don't come, I don't make any money. The bank only accepts money to let me stay in my house. The grocery store only accepts money or its equivalent in exchange for food. So if people freak out and don't come to class because they're afraid someone's going to sneeze near them, I'm in trouble.

But worse, is if they close the hospitals à la SARS a few years back, I won't have classes at my beloved CHEO. Usually I do the math and figure if I lose a client I'll manage. But if I lose two big ones, well, I'm screwed.

And while all this is going on, I'm noticing the urge to resonate at the vibration of Panic and Fear and I'm resisting that urge. I'm looking around for things to encourage me to resonate with Thriving and Peace. It may turn out to simply be more practical to resonate with the good stuff, without ignoring the other stuff.

Oh and one final thing to add about the stuff that's pulling on me or wanting me to resonate with it, is that I came home today to find out that the Shepherds' gate had been left open in the middle of the night and some people tossed a bottle over the fence that completely smashed the windshield of the car right next to mine. My first reaction was, "that's so close to my car!" And then I relaxed and am of course sympathetic and concerned.

So my intention is to use all of this stuff just like the weather. And I'll stay calm inside and do actions that are appropriate as opposed to reactions to the weather. I'm sure it will all work out fine but it's kind of entertaining to consider how screwed I could be.

Monday, April 27, 2009

I Said I Would (and I Did)

I have to be careful what I tell my daughter I'm going to do because she holds me to my word. And after I really "got" how if I don't do what I say I'm going to do it not only lowers my self-esteem, it lowers HERS, I know that if I say it, I must do it. Or I have to retract what I've said in a responsible way.

A couple of weeks ago I got it in my head that it would be fun to play the viola again. I played in school for years (see above picture) and dropped it as a teenager. My daughter has been playing the violin now for years and I haven't really played along. A long while back I bought a purple violin on eBay for not much and had it fixed up for not much more and it sort of plays. But it's a violin and I played the viola. So I told Remi that I'd get a viola within two weeks. And I did!

I got a viola the other day. Cool thing about most stringed instrument places is that you can sign out the instrument for a little while because they know you're going to need to test it out and have your teacher make sure it fits you. I think this one might be a little small, so I'll take it to our teacher this week but the guy at the store already ordered a bigger one that I can pick up next week.

Learning to read music again has been interesting and it's a fun new challenge. And it's bringing back lots of memories! I'm remembering myself as a young person and I'm having flashbacks of being seventeen. I remember that awkward stage and the disconnection I felt. I'm sorry I gave up playing - it was a way I had to express myself that nothing else replaced when I let it go. I keep hoping that for my daughter, she finds a way to connect with herself through playing music so when times get tough as a teenager that she'll have something to ground her.

(See if you can spot me in the picture. I'm in Grade 8 here.)

Sunday, April 26, 2009

More Weather

In Ottawa last night we may have had a tornado whip through at around 7-7:30. All I know is that I was leading a meditation workshop and it got really windy. But we were sitting there with our eyes closed. At one point I got up to shut the windows tight because it was getting to be like a séance in the Sky Room with the window latches moving and the blinds going wild.

As I was the one leading the group I felt I could open my eyes and check things out and I'm pleased to say that group just sat there noticing the sensations in their bodies and did not appear to be distracted by the external weather. We heard the wind come up, we heard the rain begin to pelt against the north-facing windows, and everybody sat still and made no fuss about it.

To me, that was a great demonstration of meditation at work - the outside world can just go and do its thing - there was nothing we could do in the moment about that weather, it was just happening - and the meditators sat firm and were unmoved. After the meditation was finished we may have commented, "oh it got windy," and "it was rainier on one side of the building than the other." But there was no drama about it at all. (The drama came afterwards listening to the news about it and driving past the debris!)

Cultivating an inner sense of calm has a lot of value. When things go wild around us, we have a place to take refuge, for one thing. It's right inside and it's with us all the time, the shelter from the storm. The way to get there is to just follow the breath...

(Please note the picture is borrowed and is not from last night in Ottawa!)

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Bang Bang Yoga

So last Friday I taught yoga at my daughter's school and for the first time, not to her class. Interesting... Anyways, there I was in the gym and there are 30 or so kids and guess what? Boys on one side, girls on the other. (Just like the ashram! But this was totally kid-chosen. At one point during the class I had us do a partner pose and there was going to be a boy/girl pair. NO WAY! I had the cutest little boy partner for that pose and a group of three girls worked it out for themselves.)

But in all the years of teaching, the boys did something I'd never seen before. In Ardha Chandrasana (half moon, arms up overhead version), the boys started air shooting each other. OMG it totally cracked me up. Even the cops don't do that. I think it was a combination of the kids knowing each other, them being a bit older than the kids I've taught usually, and knowing I'm Remi's mom, made it so they felt like they could "express themselves." I will never forget that. I don't encourage it, but I will never forget it :)

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

It's Just the Weather

You know, I don't take the weather personally. If it's cold out or raining, I might not like it, but I don't make it mean anything about myself. I might stay in or watch more TV or wish I lived someplace sunnier, but I don't feel bad about myself if it's icky out. Same thing if it's sunny. I might like it, it might be nice to go for a longer walk or sit on a patio or just enjoy having the sun shine in the window, but I don't make it mean I'm a good person or anything about myself.

In yoga class I describe our moods as being like the weather. It's emotional weather. And like the weather, it will change. There are even seasons. There are sunny days and cloudy days. There are partly sunny days, partly cloudy days. But if we're in a bad mood, chances are we take some of that personally. Like it means something about us if we're in a bad mood or having a bad day. We can go on to make that mean that our future looks a certain way or we won't have what we want or any number of things, but we can definitely take a bad day or a bad part of a day to heart.

But if it's just weather, then we wouldn't take it that way. We could just see, "oh there are some clouds and they'll be passing in a while." And there are many times where we're able to do just that. "Oh, this mood will pass." And it does. Today was like that for me. I could feel my internal weather just like the weather report. "It's going to start off cool in the morning, it's going to get this warm during the day and it will cool off at night. During the day there will be some sunshine and some cloudy periods." Got it.

Then why would we expect our internal weather to be one temperature all day? It's like this spring. We may say there's an average temperature of 15 or whatever, but that comes about by having days of highs of 6 degrees and days with highs in the 20s (like we're expecting this weekend whoohoo).

Now, there is a place where you can get more perspective and I describe that like getting in a plane. If you get in a jet and fly at most cruising altitudes, you're above the weather. It's always sunny (unless it's night time) no matter what the weather on the ground. From a satellite view, you can see all kinds of weather patterns and not be bound by them. Just notice them. We can get in that internal plane and fly up above the clouds for a bit and get some perspective. That's where meditation and yoga can take us.

Then we have to land again. If it's raining, we can carry an umbrella, or if it's snowing, have some warm boots, things to help us be steady in the face of whatever weather we're in. Things to help us maintain our equilibrium. If we go outside without a coat on in sub-zero temperatures, we're going to get frost-bitten. Same thing with our emotional weather. If we bundle up when it's cold or wear shoes when we're walking down the street, we'll have a better chance of keeping ourselves from having to deal with the big impact the weather can have if we're not protected. Life's like that.

I wore my watch today and I was able to breathe into all kinds of neat internal weather patterns, including the internal weather that came up when I got to CHEO to find one of my old graduates right back in the hospital as an inpatient (happy to see her, sad she's back); stuff that came up when I had dinner with John (actually not much came up, it was nice); stuff that came up to my mother's reaction to the fact that I was having dinner with my ex (frustration and surprise) and then the email from her that came after (more surprise shifting to disappointment). And tonight I'm not making any of that mean anything about me other than I'm a pretty good weatherman and I've got some good pictures being beamed from my internal weather satellite.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009


But I got home late, I answered a lot of email and I still need and I mean I NEED to meditate before bed. I am not giving up the meditation this time. I gave it up before and this time I'm not. It's not like I gave up "meditation" or anything but I did give up the Presence Process and this time that's not going to happen. So I'll finish this and then sit for 15 minutes before bed.

If you wait until you NEED to breathe or relax or destress or whatever, there's a good chance you've waited until it's just about too late. It's good to practice these calming tools before you need them. It's also good to use them under stress and then you'll know you've got them ready.

I was chatting with a buddy yesterday about how if we avoid stressful situations in general then when they show up sometimes we're not ready because we're not current with our tools. That doesn't mean we should live stressful lives, but a certain amount can keep us on our toes. And definitely when things come up (life - challenges, losses, etc.) then we should haul out the tools (breathing, thinking certain thoughts, yoga, meditation, and all of that) as soon as possible. But sometimes that's too little too late.

So I'm reminded to just keep going on with this stuff so that when more life comes, I'm ready. After this big break up a few months ago I was concerned about how vulnerable I felt and there were a couple of days that I worried that if one more thing were to happen to me I wasn't sure how I'd be able to cope and go to work. As a yoga teacher I don't have disability insurance or sick leave or anything like that. I'd always thought that if I broke my leg I'd just teach anyway - but I hadn't ever felt so close to having such a strong emotional breakdown before and of course it was years in the making - it wasn't just the incidents that precipitated it - but it got me to thinking that I'd better keep up my mental health because without that, there's no teaching yoga or anything! Maybe I could string beads together or something, but not lead a group.

I trained myself a long time ago to set my watch to go off every 15 minutes and then I could take a breath, look around, notice where I am - oh I'm in a meeting - oh, here I am in a car - look at me on a walk - whatever. And that helped to develop the witness consciousness, the one who can see but remain detached. I've got to remind myself to keep wearing my watch and keep breathing so I can enjoy the good times and be fortified for the bad times. (Let me know if you need help setting your watch. I can get that timer going off every 15 minutes or half hour for you!)

Monday, April 20, 2009

Just be yourself

Just being yourself is all you really need to do. Being fully yourself is authentic, it's attractive, it gives you energy, and it makes people around you often feel comfortable being themselves too.

I'm at CHEO, teaching yoga in the eating disorders program today. I am on a short break between classes. I found myself reminding the girls in my first class that they don't need to do anything to make themselves attractive to others-that just being fully who they are is attractive. And as I was saying that, I noticed that I was reminding myself of that as well.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

I'm Human

Okay, I know I'm human, but sometimes I think I can use super-powers to magically be somewhere I'm not. I tried today, for instance, to have a normal outing with John. I know. I know! Dumb idea. Dumb on his part, dumb on my part. It was stupid.

It did not work out. It did end in tears. I was so thinking it was not going to end in tears that I even wore mascara thinking it was not going to have teary portions. I was wrong. (I realize that was a lie just now because I did pack two kleenexes in my purse before leaving the house. I think I knew I would cry and I wore mascara for dramatic effect, how's that? I didn't realize that until just now. What a drama queen! Hmm.)

Anyways, there you go. You play with fire, you're going to get burned. Message? Don't play with fire if you don't want to get burned. I was testing myself. Testing my "presence" testing to see if I could do it. I couldn't. I didn't. Whatever. I just want to be loved, folks. And looking under a can of soup for love is not going to get you much love. Looking at an old relationship for love is like looking under a can of soup. It's not there. And I know! The message is that it's not out there anyway. It's in HERE. But I'm human. And humans look to others for love. I think there's another song coming on..."looking for love in all the wrong places..." It's a country tune. That's who I am right now! A country & western song!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Signs of Life

Sometimes things are just as they are. Most of the time, really. Things just are. We don't always want them to be that way, they just are that way. An interesting way to consider things is to choose to experience them as they are. Not choose them to necessarily be that way, but choose to experience life as it is. Not resisting it. Letting it be. (Isn't there a song about that? Hmmm.)

This is a difficult thing for me to do. I want things to be different than they are. I want my upstairs neighbours to be different. I want my daughter's behaviour to be different. I want my job (yep, even as a yoga teacher) to be different. Heck, I even want myself to be different. I want to be more resolved about certain things. I want to be in a different situation, not the one I'm in.

And then I practise letting things be as they are. Choosing to experience the noise of running upstairs. I choose to breathe as the bedroom is messy and the video games are going on. I choose to experience myself growing and grieving and enjoying the little things. And then I experience the life I have, not avoid it and keep waiting for life to start a new chapter. I live it now. And then I don't. And then I wish things were different and that I went to bed earlier and had more money and travelled more and lived in a place where winter wasn't so long. And then I breathe and look at the plant on my table and see popcorn on the floor and that all makes me smile.

One time at a meditation retreat I learned how the Buddha walked the middle path - he put all of his weight on his left foot and then all of it on his right foot - that's how you walk the middle path. Another way I describe it is like signs of life. Sometimes I think we're striving for this middle path, this smooth line, this neutral place. In a hospital that's called a flat line. You're dead. What life looks like is ups and downs. Those are the signs of life. That's how it goes. Those are signs of life...

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

You're not your body

I haven't cable TV for very long, but I tell you, I've learned a lot since we got cable. Some of the most interesting shows are on TLC. Last night I saw the Mermaid Girl. Over the weekend there was the Lady with Giant Legs. A while ago I saw the Tree Man and the two girls who share one body. It reminds me so much that we are not our bodies. We have bodies. And who we are really has nothing to do with our bodies at all. There's so much focus in our culture on our bodies and their shapes and we worry that some how our bodies are not enough or are too much. We think people like us or don't like us based on our bodies.

When my daughter was born I remember being aware that she wasn't just a baby, but that she was a full person. Her presence filled the room long before she could talk.

I still like my body to be comfortable because I'm also aware of what it's like to be in a body when it's in pain or discomfort. I like to meditate and move around and sit at my computer and not be bothered by my body and I like it when it's functioning properly, so working out at the gym and doing yoga postures makes a lot of sense. But to think my body and its limbs and hair and skin is somehow personal to who I am is just silly. I have a body, I love my body - it takes me where I want to go - but it's not who I am. It informs my experience for sure, it's a woman's body, it's not tall, it's over 40, but none of that is ME. I could lose a limb and still be completely myself. In fact, there's some info out there saying that the subtle body remains even when the physical part is gone. (I'm going to try and find the reference for that and get back to you.)

Monday, April 13, 2009


I've got so much going on, I'm not sure where to start. Let's see. I finished the video I was working on and it looks great. I'll see if I can post it to YouTube and flash it here, or at least a little bit of it to give you the idea.

Remi and I taught Mother-Daughter yoga together on Saturday and it was a hit. I wasn't sure we'd find enough mothers and daughters to have a class, but sure enough, we did and it was really great. We both had colds and/or allergies so Remi's energy especially was down, but we're looking forward to the next one in May, on Mother's Day. Since we did the class Remi's been doing more poses at home (I bought her a new mat) and it was such a great way for us to connect.

I got some energy healing today from someone from here, and I must say, it's really cool. If you're up for some non-invasive energy shifting, check this out.

My Presence Process is going super-well and I feel really grounded and good and I think I'll continue it. The funny thing about it is that I was doing it just over two years ago when I met John. I was at the part where I was watching my life like a movie and I wasn't going to get involved much in my life but I couldn't help it. I met him, we got together, and I stopped the Presence Process! I guess it's time I pick it back up. I've just finished the part I was already at back then and now I'm going on.

My old dog, Zahra, still has puppies for sale. She's not really an old dog, she was never really mine and she's not really selling them herself, but she lived with us for a while and she had puppies at Christmas and my mom is doing a great job raising those three fluff balls, but not a great job of selling them. So if you or someone you know is interested in a healthy, spunky, delightful dog of a rare breed that come from an awesome lineage and a very happy home, let me know. They are Magic, Dawn, and Skylie, and they're a riot. I spent yesterday with them and it's too bad they'll need to get split up but chances are they won't be all adopted together! (This is an old picture of Zahra.)

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Amazing Healing Properties

If you look closely at the picture you can still see a little mark by my baby finger knuckle where I burned myself a few weeks ago. It's practically all healed up and I didn't have DO anything. I didn't put balms or salves on it, I didn't chant a special mantra or light a candle, I didn't pray about it or even wish that it would heal. It just did.

I've been using the burn on my hand as an analogy for the burn on my heart and I've learned a lot. First of all, it's not personal. It doesn't mean anything about me that I have a burn. I got burned, that's what happened. And it heals whether I do anything about it or not. Now I realize this isn't always true and somethings benefit from the outside intervention of doctors, or therapists, or medicines, etc., but in this case, I chose to leave it alone. I didn't get medicine for my heart - I was tempted to go get a little "hair of the dog that bit me" but I resisted. I came back to myself and just kept sitting. And I'm pleased to report back that the burn's pretty much gone away. There's a small mark that I can feel inside that shows where the burn was and in a few days or weeks even that will be gone.

Now, it's Eastertime, which is a big holiday (but not for me because I always teach on Easter!) and my daughter was stating her firm belief that there's no god. I don't mind because I have a feeling she's too young to really know either way, god, no god, whatever, it doesn't offend me. It does offend other people and it's kind of amusing to see people react, which is probably why she says it. But the other day I pointed out to her that my hand is healing and I'm not doing it and I reminded her that I can barely get my office cleaned up, how could I possibly have made someone as beautiful as her. I had some help, and you might call that help I got, god. Or Nature, which then would be God for this purpose.

I just went over to her to confirm what she said but she whined because I was interrupting an episode of Hannah Montana. Ooops. Sor-ry.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Yoga Buddies

I have a lot of yoga buddies I suppose, seeing as how that's about the only way I know anybody in my life - some kind of yoga connection. So tonight Luc said his big goodbye because he's leaving on Saturday to go back to Omega to work for the summer.

I met Luc back in 1991 when I was living at Kripalu. And a funny thing happened over the past couple of days on Facebook - there's been an explosion of Kripalu connections on my Facebook. So before Luc left tonight I showed him some of the people who are connecting on Facebook. He's *this* close to setting up a Facebook profile.

It's been fun over the past couple of days seeing those new, old faces and remembering. I used to sing a lot at Kripalu. I mostly was the responder in chanting, but I was also a member of the Ashvin Family Singers. We used to sing for guests and rather than doing a bunch of sanskrit stuff we did folksy tunes and The Rose and things like that. (If you know me and if you watch this video, you'll know we weren't too serious.) I learned something new about Ashvin today that I didn't know before. He was on David Letterman and he can play Deck the Halls with dental floss. I did not know that. I was almost late to teach my class at the hospital this morning because I was checking out the old info.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009


So you know how a lot of people want to quit their jobs where they work in offices on computers and stuff and become yoga teachers? Well I'll tell you a secret, I think about not teaching yoga and sitting in front of one of my many computers, making things. (Sometimes I think about opening a store, but today I'm into making things with the computer.)

Right now I'm on a team I don't see that is making a virtual tour of Fort Wellington for Parks Canada. Go figure. I love working on it. (Nevermind that it's with my EX. It's gotten to that finally, he's my ex.) It's multi-media and I'm doing it on my Mac and I love doing it.

I look into courses on how to write for the iPhone. I want to write applications for the iPhone and iPod Touch but I don't have enough background in computer languages so I am seriously considering going to school to be an honest geek. I think the best thing would be to get a boyfriend who's an iPhone developer but it might be faster to go back to school myself.

I'm hunting down a microphone now to add a voice-over to a slide show I'm doing of my yoga class. I don't really know what I'm doing but I'm looking forward to creating some kind of team that will put this together. My work today will be interrupted by more yoga classes. I'll stay in front of the computer until it's time to go to the Police College and lead yoga. I'll come home and do a couple of edits and then head out to teach two classes at Rama Lotus. I'll come home after that and may still put some more time in this project. Love it.

Hopefully I'll have a new product to show you soon. I have more time on my hands now that I'm all single and recovered and stuff so I'll put more energy into my creative projects.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Yoga Graduates

We had our yoga teacher training graduation yesterday. It was really lovely. The best part for me is seeing how much people really "get" yoga if you give them the teachings and then sort of just leave them with that. The way we did the course allows people to go to the source of yoga. So it's not being taught from the outside in, but from the inside out. It's really cool.

This year we did way more sharing as I've found in the past people didn't really get a chance to share as much as I would have liked. We also gave full-on homework in the yamas and niyamas, and that's really where you can find yoga. In the Olden Days you couldn't even start yoga postures until you'd been working the do's and don'ts of yoga.

So yoga is way more about tools for living than postural alignment details. The yamas and niyamas are like alignment details for our lives (they're in the sidebar to the right).

I'm proud. And tired!

Saturday, April 4, 2009

The Grateful Place

As I was getting ready for bed tonight I noticed something coming over me. It was an old feeling I haven't felt much in a while, and I recognized it right away. It was that grateful feeling. I'm starting to feel glad I'm in the situation I'm in. Maybe it's being in the first week of the Presence Process where I say to myself, "I choose to experience this moment," and maybe it's the end of the teacher training where we're all feeling so much love for each other, or maybe it's just nothing, but I'm feeling like it's good. Maybe the thaw has taken place. I'm glad I'm home alone (what a change from just 2 weeks ago!), I'm happy with my friends and with my life at the moment.

And I feel lucky. And that my friends, puts me in the Grateful Place.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

To Hull and Back

It's finally feeling like spring and I was able to comfortably walk to Hull, over the bridge to Quebec, without feeling like I was on some sort of Survivor show. Looking down at the water of the Ottawa River, I could see the signs that it was recently winter, all of the ice and snow still in the river.

I'm so glad the ice is melting. I'm melting too. I'm softening. Softening back into being myself. To being with my daughter, just us again. But I miss being important to someone else. I miss getting messages during the day wondering how I'm doing. Nina says I like having a boyfriend in my life, which is so true! It's really simple. Having the right boyfriend is going to make a difference at this level. On the big, big level, it doesn't matter. And on the day-to-day level it does.

So I'm sitting with myself and melting. Seeing what's there. Being sad, being happy, being grateful, noticing what's missing and practising being present. That Presence Process is pretty interesting and I notice that when I do what it recommends, I wonder when I'm going to get around to worrying about the past and the future like I'm used to. Those thoughts come in and wonder when I'm going to think them. And I say, "we won't be getting around to worrying about those things today," and they shrug and go off.

Just like stress accumulates and starts to take its toll, the Presence Process suggests that being present is cumulative and when you practise being present, the present moment awareness starts to build. I think that may be true. I've got a couple of people interested in joining me on this little's something the author suggests you don't do alone, that having company is useful. And I like having company ;)

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

It's Wednesday Already

This has been a busy week of yoga, yoga, yoga. It's fun having other people to work with. That's one of the things I find hard about being self-employed - sometimes there's too much SELF and not enough other people!

After this coming weekend, the yoga teacher training will be finished until the summer one begins. For everyone, whether students or teachers in the program, there tends to be a real strange feeling on the next weekend when there's no homework due, there's no classes to prepare for, and we're back on our own again. There will be time for the things we've had to move to the side, but there's also a kind of missing that happens. Missing the people in our group, missing that connection we've made.

I was looking at my calendar yesterday, planning a couple of weekend trainings, and I see I'm scheduled well into 2010, which is great for the planning part, but for the independent, free-spirit in me, it sort of freaks me out. I love being all tucked in to a schedule, but I also love going with the flow and doing what I want to do when I want to do it. Know what I mean? So the trick I'm going to have to manage this year is planning real vacation time. The way I work now I've got some here, some there, and I'm on everyday mostly, but not all of the day. That makes for a nice, spacious day, but it doesn't make for lots of time to go visit Grandma in California, for instance, or take a holiday with my daughter.

I keep dreaming of working during the day, finding clients who need me during the daytime, and then having actual weekends. Tricky as a yoga teacher. But I'm putting it out there.

Anyhow, it's Wednesday. I've been here everyday, doing lots of stuff, lots of meditating (I'm into the Presence Process at the moment), and it's good. Keeping out of trouble, reconnecting with old friends, reaching out more to the friends I normally hang with, planning trainings, marking homework, going outside without winter boots on (I still wear my big parka as I really don't like being cold)... And this isn't an April Fool's joke!