Thursday, July 21, 2016

Hidden Temple in my Neighbourhood

As I was looking for Pokémon last night (don't judge me), I walked past a place I hadn't been by in a while. Maybe it was the way it was lit, maybe it was the time of day, but when I walked by I saw something different. The sight of a car engine on the ground pulled me closer and I started walking a little slower. I was walking past the car repair shop but I felt as though I was walking past a temple. I don't get to many temples anymore the way I used to when I was travelling, and if I do get to temples in Ottawa, they're big and defined.

I slowed down and noticed that feeling I get when I'm looking at religious folk art. I start to notice and appreciate things like handwritten chalk numbers on the stacks of tires; the cars being worked on separately, laid out to be tinkered with; the tools in drawers and things organized in a human way, all to be used to help heal the sick. The shaman, I mean mechanic, must have been around as the bays were open and the radio was on, but I didn't see anyone.

I gave my thanks and moved on, touched by the potent sight.

Monday, July 11, 2016

Something's Going on Around Here

Something is definitely going on around here. Maybe it's time to change the name of my blog.

Not so fast.

First of all, I want you all to know I still teach yoga. Lots. It's just that you can't come to most of the classes I teach. I've been bumping into people at the Green Door and at Bluesfest asking me where I've gone and am I still teaching, and it does feel like I'm coming out of some kind of hiding place when I turn up at public gatherings. More on that later. So I still am Jamine, Yoga Teacher.

A while back I chose to stop teaching public yoga classes for a variety of reasons. Some personal, some practical, and I do miss having contact with lots of students. So maybe that will get fired up again. After my daughter leaves.

And that's the big thing. My daughter is leaving. Guys, she's grown up already. That little kid who opened the doors during my yoga classes, or waited for me outside, or who you may have heard about for years or even had the chance to see in person, has made it to the end of high school. The End of High School.

Know what comes after that? University. I parented a child who has made some powerful choices and one of the choices she's made is to leave Ottawa and go and live in Toronto, where she will attend U of T (Woodsworth College, to be specific).

I'm so excited. I'm proud of her. I'm proud of me! I'm proud of her dad and me! I am honestly thrilled that she's going to go off and study and be with new people and have new experiences and be in a great city (I grew up in Toronto).

But I am dreading September 6. Or 5. Whichever night it is that I come back home after dropping her off at her residence on Bloor Street. The night I come back home to my empty house.

My house is really empty. No boyfriend, hasn't been for over a year and a half, I know, I haven't updated you. I live in a 3-bedroom house that I bought myself and have lived in for 14 years with at least my daughter and starting in September, I will be living there alone. With the dog, for a few more weeks after that, because the dog is a Guide Dog in training, and her time will be up mid-October unless they give me an extension.

So September 5 or 6 or whatever, I open the door to my house and be alone. No one to hand dishes to to put away. No one to pick up after. No one to pick groceries up. No one to cook for. This makes me so very sad. Being a mom is one thing. Being a single mom is another thing. And then there's that very tight place of being single mom of an only child. Who is leaving.

Having had the experience of being so close to someone for so long, I'm afraid of September. I'm afraid of September for other reasons, not to mention that I'll be turning 50 that month as well.

I'm sure there will be good parts. I'm open to being surprised with how much fun I'll be able to have. But right now, I'm so sad.

To get out and be with people, I started volunteering at Bluesfest a year ago. I'm the IT Volunteer Team leader. I get to see a lot of shows. The other night I saw Joe Jackson and he sang this.