It's finally feeling like spring and I was able to comfortably walk to Hull, over the bridge to Quebec, without feeling like I was on some sort of Survivor show. Looking down at the water of the Ottawa River, I could see the signs that it was recently winter, all of the ice and snow still in the river.
I'm so glad the ice is melting. I'm melting too. I'm softening. Softening back into being myself. To being with my daughter, just us again. But I miss being important to someone else. I miss getting messages during the day wondering how I'm doing. Nina says I like having a boyfriend in my life, which is so true! It's really simple. Having the right boyfriend is going to make a difference at this level. On the big, big level, it doesn't matter. And on the day-to-day level it does.
So I'm sitting with myself and melting. Seeing what's there. Being sad, being happy, being grateful, noticing what's missing and practising being present. That Presence Process is pretty interesting and I notice that when I do what it recommends, I wonder when I'm going to get around to worrying about the past and the future like I'm used to. Those thoughts come in and wonder when I'm going to think them. And I say, "we won't be getting around to worrying about those things today," and they shrug and go off.
Just like stress accumulates and starts to take its toll, the Presence Process suggests that being present is cumulative and when you practise being present, the present moment awareness starts to build. I think that may be true. I've got a couple of people interested in joining me on this little journey...it's something the author suggests you don't do alone, that having company is useful. And I like having company ;)
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