Better Listen!

I've started working for this company, BetterListen! and I wanted to let you know about it. The company has been around for a while, publishing recordings from some pretty big names in the world of self-discovery and transformation. The catalog is quite varied actually.

Steve Stein, the guy who runs it, is an old Omega person, even before my time, so I never actually worked with him before. Another Omega person has been working for him for years and when she decided to get another job, she thought of me to help pick up some of the marketing and administrative duties. That's what I'm doing. Follow them on Twitter and help me out! @BetterListen

In addition to audio recordings, Steve also built a whole online video training program with Beryl Bender Birch for the sister site, BetterLearn. It hasn't started being promoted yet, so you probably haven't even heard of it. The videos are fresh and crisp and it's nice to see Beryl's face, even though it's just virtual. I even saw one of her dogs making an appearance. That course actually counts towards credits with the Yoga Alliance, so if any of you reading are yoga teachers, you may find the course pretty interesting!

It's funny how things come around. Here I am in Ottawa, doing work for a guy in New Jersey, promoting works from authors and teachers from even farther away places.

Last Chance for Yoga Philosophy!

Just a reminder that Living Yoga classes start next, next week on Tuesday night (September 16). There's still room if you're interested in signing up, but more importantly, this is the last chance to take this class for awhile.

If you are interested in joining our Yoga Teacher Training Program, this is the last chance for sure. We are running the courses until the beginning of next year, and if you're not in the stream now, Kat and I are not sure when the course will be happening after May. So this is it!

Kat's got other things going on after India, and I'm still here doing my thing, but assembling the courses and finding students to be in them isn't our priority right now.

So if you want to join us, please let me know and be prepared to come and sit in Old Ottawa South on Tuesday nights for a bit.

Ahimsa - Non-Violence in Thoughts, Words, and Deeds

One of the first things we start with in yoga is Ahimsa, which means the absence of violence. Naturally, it would seem that we could use this to mean that we don't punch people or kill people. A society that practises ahimsa would for sure not be killing its citizens with capital punishment, for instance. That's sort of a big view. Sure, it's easy not to kill people everyday.

Then we take it down a level, to our words. What would it be like to have the absence of violence in our speech? Would that mean not swearing? Would that mean not yelling? Not yelling at people, again, pretty straightforward. I could not yell at anybody all day. I could even not swear, I'm thinking.  Some days that would be harder than others, of course.

Let's look at our thoughts. What would it be like to have the absence of violence in our thoughts? Does that mean we won't think bad things about other people? Not criticize, even in our minds? Would lightly editing a person be considered a type of violence? Perhaps. What about ourselves? Would having an absence of violence towards ourselves be possible while looking in a mirror in the morning? Could I refrain from thinking negative thoughts about my own plumper, aging self? These are questions only I can answer for myself. My thoughts are my own and don't always get shared.

But the body does vibrate with himsa, or violence, even when we think critical thoughts about ourselves. Just as though we were to take a violent action, the inner realms start to resonate with the frequency of negativity and begin to take on the flavour, even if it's just a hint, of the same spice that brings us violence towards others.

When you start to take a closer look at your life, you'll see that it becomes easy to notice things we think are benign, that are actually causing little sores in our subtle bodies. Sores that can ultimately cause us pain for real. Think about it. What you're thinking about matters a lot. Practising non-violence in actions, speech, and even our thoughts can be done towards others, but also and ultimately even more challenging, towards ourselves.

To explore more, please join us for Living Yoga 1, which starts Tuesday, September 21 and goes for 6  Tuesday evenings in total.

Living Yoga - Next Steps for Yogis

To be honest, living yoga and the yogic principles are not exactly the next steps for yogis, although they are that as well - please come and see my slide show presentation for more details on that - rather, living yoga and the yogic principles come before the place where most people in our society start on the path of yoga. Did that make sense?

We normally start with yoga poses and show up to a class and do this thing called, "yoga," which is really asana practice. Nothing wrong with that at all. It's just not the traditional order and sometimes, sometimes it happens that people do a yoga practice and don't learn much about the rest of yoga. I've heard of this happening!

As a result, learning about the principles of yoga, and a bit of yoga philosophy, often comes after we've already embarked on a yogic practice. Again, nothing wrong here. However, by learning about the yogic principles found in the yamas and niyamas, for instance, our practice of postures can go deeper and connect more with our lives as we live them, creating more alignment and sometimes a sense of purpose and direction, possibly leading to more fulfillment in our days.

Some people practice yoga once a week and I'd even say that's a great thing. Once a week, taking an hour or two to yourself, working on your health, thinking about things that matter, taking a deeper breath - these are all good things! But just like if you were to injure yourself in your practice or doing anything else, a good health care advisor would be more concerned with what you had been doing around that injury. How do you spend most of your time? What's your position like? How's your alignment?

So if you only spend an hour a week working on your alignment, that's great, but for even greater alignment and awareness, come learn and share about the yogic principles and how we're in positions all of the time. Take a look at what our alignment is like in our lives, not just our physical lives, but our relationships and jobs and attitudes, and see if this alignment is working for us or not.

The class will be held in a new location this season as Kat's house will no longer be available as she is moving soon. (Don't worry! She's just going to India to do her usual teaching and then will be readjusting to life in Ottawa given that she's managing an estate in the Laurentians, which hopefully will be the location of some retreats in the new year.) A possible location is at The Hub, which is downtown and I'm a member of. Let me know if you're interested in attending these six evenings. To register, as usual, just get in touch with me or Kat.

Living Yoga 1
Tuesday evenings September 16 - October 21, 7 - 9
Unit 1 of Makata Living Yoga Teacher Training Program
$240

Living Yoga - it Works!

Living Yoga is working with our own lives using some yoga philosophy. It's like going to a yoga class but instead of lining up our bodies in certain positions, we're lining up parts of our lives in certain positions. And just like a usual yoga class experience, there will be some stretchy times and overall it will feel really good.

These classes will be held over the fall period and are part of our Yoga Teacher Training Program, which is really a Yoga Exploration Program, and is for anyone. No special requirements to come to this class. We usually sit on the floor, but even that is optional and chairs can be provided.

One of the things we take a look at is Ahimsa, or non-violence. What a time to be taking a look at that topic. Believe it or not, that's one of the places yoga starts. Right there. Being non-violent with each other and especially with ourselves. So many of us hold ourselves back or put ourselves in positions that aren't healthy and allow ourselves to be mistreated. Taking a look at how we can open up to a more non-violent way of being is where this class starts.

I hope you'll think about coming and sitting with us for 6 weeks in a row. If you can't make a week, you can join us via Skype or FaceTime!

The Four Paths of Yoga

As you probably already know if you're reading this blog, yoga is much more than the yoga postures that have become popular. There are many paths of yoga and they all lead to that union, or peaceful place, or stilling of the disturbances of the mind.

In the Bhagavad Gita, Krishna offers different ways to pursue a spiritual path, or a good life. He suggests Karma Yoga, or good actions. He offers up Jnana Yoga, or wisdom and understanding, as a path to the good life. He recommends Bhakti Yoga, or a path of devotion as a quick method to this place of union. There's even Raja Yoga, the Royal Path, that could be used to connect to the divine within and harmonize our external lives with our internal guidance.

In the Yoga Sutras, Patanjali is also very generous with methods that can be used to still the disturbances of the mind. Try this, if that doesn't do it for you, try this. Or this. Or this. So many ways.

Yoga understands that people are different and have different preferences and ways that will work better for them. It's not a one-size-fits-all approach by any means and keen practitioners of yoga will recognize the other paths as not less-than, but just other paths.

In The Four Paths of Yoga course, we will explore what traditionally the Four Paths are and how they show up in practice. We will attempt to find and travel these paths ourselves, with others in the community at times as well, and see how there's yoga all around us, even if we haven't been calling it that.

This course is free and welcome to all. It's tonight from 7-9 and then again in June to see how things have been going. 

Coffee's Back On

I just read the title of the last post I put on here and it made me chuckle, as I reached for my mug of warm coffee.

I was off coffee. For quite some time. And then I started drinking it again. And I like it.

What else is new? Let's see...

I'm working more with Kat Mills at offering yoga trainings in a modular fashion so they are accessible to people financially, and time-wise, as well as curricularly, if that's a word. Nope, it's not as indicated by the red underlining in my "word processor." What I mean by "curricularly" is that you may just want to learn a bit more about yoga and not sign up for a whole bunch of yoga teachings. For whatever reason. So with that, you can sign up for all or parts of 200 Hour or 500 Hour teacher training programs.

I'll list them all on the right so you can see what is coming up.

Also, it's March Break and I'm taking my daughter off to Montreal for the day where we will traipse through the campuses of some, gulp, universities, she may like to be attending the future. I'm just telling myself we're going for lunch. Maybe a trip to Simons, which we don't have here in Ottawa, and that's why we're all the way over in Quebec. That's what I might tell myself...

Meditation Workshop Sunday #1

There's a meditation workshop starting this weekend. We will meet for three Sundays in a row, learning different styles of meditation and practising together. In between our meeting times, there will be opportunities to practice on your own, then come back together as a group and talk about your experiences.

I've taken longer meditation retreats and if you have the time, like 10 days in a row, I think you should do one! But in lieu of that, this little meditation sampler will give us different ways to start and a chance to regroup and adjust our practices.

Probably everybody has heard that there are many benefits to meditation. I like to say that I've never heard of anyone starting a meditation practice and things going bad. ("Oh she started meditating a few months back and it's all just been downhill from there…" said no one, ever.) Meditation practice tends to mark the beginning of something good happening. But how to start? What to do? Who else can help? Come and get some support from the small group starting this Sunday.

The course will be from 11-1 so if you're busy taking a yoga class or other things in the morning, you'll be able to join us for a couple of hours. We ran it at this time last year and it was really nice getting together to do some thing still and calming in the midst of all of the rush of the holidays coming up so quickly.

Please join us. This workshop is eligible for credits in the Makata Living Yoga Teacher Training Program.

Living Yoga - yogic principles in your real life

Tomorrow we begin another session of Living Yoga 1. In this course we look at the yogic principles found in the yamas and niyamas in the 8-fold path. They're found other places too, but the ones we'll be examining are the same ones that Patanjali refers to in the Yoga Sutras.

Since leading this workshop, I've attended some workshops on other topics, and I have to say, this is a good workshop. Not that the other ones weren't good, they just weren't as good as this one is going to be.

What I like about this course (and some of the others I lead at Makata Living Yoga School), is that it relates directly to the participants and their lives and offers us some insight into our own personal lives. Typically when people take a look at their lives, things get BETTER. It's often through unconscious habits and reactions that things get worse or we feel stuck. Shining the light on various aspects of our lives unglues us from patterns and allows us more freedom in how we want to behave - with other people and even with just ourselves.

On top of learning about ourselves, we get to learn about actual other people. Not people on TV or through their blogs or up on a stage, people IRL that we can talk to and share with and laugh with. That's special in this day and age.

So this is a good course. I recommend it highly. Starts Tuesday night near Carleton University. To register, just get in touch with me, your can look in the right hand side on this link for the PayPal button.

Living Yoga 1: Yogic Principles in Everyday Life
$240+ tax
Tuesday, November 5 - Tuesday, December 10
7 - 9 pm

This course is a module in the Makata Living Yoga Program. For more information go to www.makatayoga.com.

Why it's not okay to have sex with your students

Why it's not okay to have sex with your students. Hmm. Seems to me by now that this is so obviously wrong in so many ways, but I had forgotten that I didn't always believe it was true.

I remember where I was sitting back in October 1994 when I got the phone call from a friend with the news that our guru, Amrit Desai, had been sleeping with some of his students (disciples) over the years. Even from my office at Omega Institute I heard myself say, "well, he's human. He had sex. Big deal." I'm embarrassed now at my naiveté to think that even for a moment this could have been no big deal. It was a huge deal. And not just because of the sex part...

I had been on a trip earlier that year with Amrit and a bunch of disciples and other students in India. I was there for a 3-month stint taking workshops with Amrit's guru-brother, Rajarshi Muni and his crew. I wasn't senior enough during my stay at Kripalu to have been deep into the inner circles but I absolutely was acquainted with the people who flew in to talk to Gurudev. Rumours were flying. Maybe he would go on a 6-month silent retreat he mentioned. He was trying to dodge the bullets. In the end, he couldn't. There was the sexual stuff and there was the money stuff. He knew how to divide and conquer his people so as I recall, the group that knew about the double books didn't know about the group of sexually abused and vice versa. That has all come to light, but it wasn't until after he basically had a gun to his head that he was willing to admit it.

All along the way he could have been forgiven. (In truth, lots of people have forgiven him and flock to his new yoga place in Florida.) But forgiveness aside, what he did was wrong not just because he had sex with some of his students. If he had been responsible enough to admit it, he could have been dealt with at the time and might still be living next door to Kripalu today, however, that's not what happened. While he was hiding his escapades, he discredited the people who spoke up. In fact, he ruined families by making family members believe the women who came forward were crazy. Everybody wanted to believe him, so they did, and shunned the people who spoke up.

I remember being at a retreat with him when we were all offering full-on, drop-down pranams to the guy, and he said, "if you knew some of what I've done, you wouldn't love me anymore." There was nothing that guy could do that if he admitted it, he wouldn't still be loved for. Except what he did. Lying like an un-remorseful psychopath would be the thing to bring the house down. And it did.

I heard about the transgressions and then the details started coming out about what he had done to cover up his lies. The people he lied to and blamed. The people he put down who were telling the truth so he could keep up his dirty tricks. I was safely housed at Omega in my new job on the core staff there so I only heard about the pictures being pulled off the walls, of the screaming and crying in the halls, from my sad friends who were still there, who had invested more years than I had in serving a community that was based on lies.

I was in the room when Amrit read his resignation letter to the community. I remember people saying, "Gurudev, is there anything else you need to tell us? Anyone else?" And he would just say, "no." Later it was pointed out that there had been one other person and he'd admit it under duress. "Okay. Her too." And another, and that's how that one rolled out. He paid his large fines, moved away, and you can go down and meet him today. Lots and lots more to that story.

That still doesn't answer why you shouldn't have sex with your students as a yoga teacher.

Naturally, there will be an imbalance of power. Presumably the yoga teacher is leading the class. She's the one people are looking at, looking to for answers. In a big drop-in class, maybe this isn't even really a big deal anymore than it would be for a fitness instructor to get involved with her students. Two adults, who cares. It's only awkward for the other students while it's awkward. Maybe awkward for the teacher if that student continues to come to the class once the liaison is over. It's still not usually recommended.

In a traditional classroom setting, it's a rule that the teacher not sleep with the students as there could be favouritism shown; the student would have access to information the other students wouldn't have, giving them an unfair advantage on tests, etc. In workshops I've attended, it's recommended that the leaders wait a certain amount of time after the workshop is over before getting involved with participants due to the emotional connection that's formed artificially when there's someone delivering charged content and the other one participating and opening up.

In addition, in the traditional teachings of yoga, practising celibacy is likely discussed, if not recommended, to allow for the flow of energy, likely energy that Westerners aren't used to restraining. Teachings are given to open the students up emotionally and spiritually. Space is created on purpose to allow yoga students to be open and vulnerable and to feel safe, sometimes for the first time in a long time. Simply put, sleeping with a yoga student, especially during a training is unethical at the very least, especially when it's been declared from the beginning that those boundaries won't be crossed. Even if that relationship was out in the open, it would be unrecommended for these reasons - there's a clear imbalance of power and potential for awkwardness in the group. (A decent move might be for the teacher to step down, at least from teaching the ethics section of the course, or for the couple to leave the group, but that move would take courage.) So what tends to happen, is more the story above with my guru - there are lies told to try and hide the transgression. People are made to seem untrustworthy who speak up as the cheating teacher will be trying to maintain their reputation - what better way than to put down others around them especially as they are the one controlling the secret information?

What happens in that training when one of the teachers is secretly sleeping with one of the students? In some cases things get awkward. There's unnecessary tension. There's underlying drama. Eventually there are people who are in the know and people who don't have a clue what's going on. Peoples' feelings get hurt. Favourites are made and given special attention so they don't make waves. It's not the kind of group I would want to pay thousands of dollars to be sitting in.

Ask questions. Find out what the policies are of the course you're taking. Check references. Even then you can't always be sure as deception can run very deep. That doesn't mean what I learned from my guru wasn't true. It doesn't mean that I didn't get quality teachings. But he should have known better and should have done better, sparing me and thousands of his followers the pain of betrayal that hypocrisy inflicts.

This is not a blog about Fibroids

This is not a blog about fibroids, but it might be for a little while.

The yoga teacher training group graduated yesterday afternoon. The ceremony was touching, the flowers were gorgeous, and everyone seemed so genuinely happy. The new teachers shared, the guests shared, it was just about the best part of my job. And then I got home and opened a card from the class. I dropped it on the floor and burst into tears.

They'd raised some money for me.

I should have had a clue when I read the little card at the yoga centre. "Get well. Hope you feel better soon. Etc." "But I'm not sick! Hmm. They must have been reading my blog." I was warned to open the big card in private. That was a good thing.

I know I'm still in denial when I consider my reactions. But this morning I woke up fortified and ready to take on Project Shrink Giant Fibroid (and Avoid Surgery). Maybe I'll come up with a better name for it, but for now that's what it will be.

Any hesitations I've had to contacting a natural doctor have been lifted and I already put in a call to one this morning. I've researched natural solutions on the internet and may download an inexpensive ebook on the subject. I won't be afraid to buy supplements. And if I need to do the shots to block my period, I'll have some help paying for that process. So the money already has helped.

I feel all of a sudden super-supported. Not that I was feeling unsupported before, but now I feel really powered by goodwill and the reality that I've been charged with the task of healing my body. Thanks to everybody who's sent me their good wishes - either in person or comments on my blog or even just the positive thoughts. It has made a difference and I'm grateful.

Reading the Journals

Part of my homework as a yoga teacher training teacher is to read the homework students turn in. Part of their homework is to journal on the yamas and niyamas (see sidebar if you forget what they are).

I am always so inspired to read people's struggles, victories, notes to themselves, notes to me and Kat, musings, drawings, everything. It always leaves me feeling good, to being in a place of "possibility." I look forward to reading a pile of journals, to deciphering the handwriting, to putting the name to the face in the early days, to listening in close to a story.

The big feeling I'm left with after reading people's journals in the exploration on the yogic path is LOVE. I'm moved by our courage as people to face life's struggles. I'm impressed by people being right where they are even if that place is uncomfortable. I giggle at the funny parts. I breathe through the tougher parts. Sometimes I'm moved to tears by people's embracing of their own humanity.

It reminds me that the practice of the yamas and niyamas is so critical to the path. The alignment of your asanas is secondary to the alignment in your life. When we connect to our own lives and what's really happening for us, it allows us to be connected to other people and events in our lives.

Back on Blog

I went away for a bit there. Something had happened and connecting at my computer was feeling not good while I was away so I just didn't do it. I noticed I wasn't blogging and I noticed that I wasn't checking my email and that felt okay. The good part was not having the yuck that seemed to be waiting for me whenever I sat down to write. But that was over a week ago and I'm home now.

I've been on vacation and working somewhere else for a change, which apparently is almost as good as a rest. All of that included much yoga. Now that I'm back, much yoga will continue to be included starting this morning when the yoga teacher training resumes.

Something happened last week that surprised me and made me value my skills and his helping me relax right now in light of the fact that I can't seem to find the document that I worked on a few weeks ago.

A famous teacher came unprepared to lead her workshop for 5 days. Like really unprepared. Not only was she unprepared, she was completely unable to wing it in any fashion that had her participants feel satisfied. I was called in as a yoga teacher to help beef up the content so the remaining participants would be cared for in a way they expected, so that helped a bit and people were grateful. But really, it was a disaster.

After having come from that experience so recently, I feel pretty confident that Kat and I are going to be just fine and that we probably will find the latest version someplace before we start and even if we don't, we know what we're doing.

YTT PM Teaching Moment

I wanted to post this to Facebook but it wouldn't go so I'm putting it here.

Yoga Teacher Training is a Good Way to Look at Your Life

The title just about says all that I mean to ramble on about here. The yoga teacher training is a good way to look at your life. It's a time to reflect on the yamas and niyamas (see sidebar for quick explanations) and to see what our life alignment is like. At least, that's how I see it. If your internal alignment is off and you don't even know how to find it, your external poses won't be of much value.

So our group is starting to heat up. Kat and I are helping keep the structure together, to support the container that people are doing their work in. It's hot for us too.

Co-teaching is a pose as well. Many yoga teachers rarely get a chance to co-lead a class or a workshop for a variety of reasons including that working with someone else mean you're working with another person and people have stuff! In my co-leader, Kat, I've found someone I can be totally myself around and I can let her be as she is and we share our knowledge and our space and I think if I had to be in space ship with anyone where I'd have to spend years with someone, she'd be in it. Oh wait, I am on a space ship called Earth and she is in it and so are you and all of the other people...I'm hearing a voice from Kids in the Hall or some show say this :)

Anyhow, the teacher training is in full-swing. If you ever want to take a look at your life and you don't even want to be a yoga teacher, I think a yoga teacher training would be a good way to do it.

Begin Again

And so it goes. We begin again. Tonight the yoga teacher training program at Rama Lotus begins again, well this one is beginning for the first time really. The yoga teacher training has become such a big part of my life and involves all aspects of it, even my daughter's schedule is impacted as approximately every other weekend there's some YTT going on.

I welcome the YTT in my life and love being a part of the team that delivers it. I maintain that it doesn't really matter who your teacher is, if you're put in front of the teachings of yoga and there's space for you to explore, you'll get it. And every year, people get it.

A community is born tonight that will be together until next spring. It's probably the program that has the biggest "community" feel of any I've had outside of a retreat centre setting. It's a whole new group and yet there will be similarities to other groups in the past. There will be varying degrees of wanting to be in the room, there will be different backgrounds and intentions for taking the course. There will be people who will feel at home, others who will be triggered, and those people will likely trade places during the weeks of the course.

The people who tend to come to a yoga teacher training are a special sort. They are in a place of readiness and commitment. They don't accidentally walk into a teacher training. There's some purpose behind it - they're usually up to something. And that's inspiring to be in. We get to start with the first yoga sutra of Patanjali by experiencing it - "now is the time for yoga."

Tuesday Night Craziness

Today was an unusual day. Unusual in that it was non-stop and on totally from morning until night. It's not usually like that as a yoga teacher. Usually there are gaps, breaks in the day. Today was not one of those days. It was all YTT and then tonight I led my usual classes. That meant I really had to prepare so I didn't wind up totally wiped out at the end of the teacher training and still had some mojo for the evening classes, which started minutes after the training wrapped up. The class right after that chanted om 15 minutes after the first one ended.

I made sure I ate - people saw me in the hall - and I made sure to breathe during the day so I wasn't spent by the evening. It takes something to do that, and I'm pleased to say I did it. Last week I was not so successful at it. As soon as I saw Louise and saw that there was an opportunity to not lead that class, I took it. This week I planned to teach it and set myself up properly.

We talked a lot today about being yoga teachers and what some of the challenges are and how to face them. They're some of the same challenges that show up in other parts of our lives. So getting good at teaching yoga can definitely have a positive impact in other areas of our lives.

Tomorrow is graduation.

Marking the Progress Tests

My pile is done. I marked half of the Yoga Teacher Training second progress tests. It was fun. It's a sign that the course is just about over. Here's me on the phone with Kat Mills, getting down to business. It's just about over. It will be a big deal for everyone. Good and sad. Happy to be back to our old lives, sad to miss the people we've been in daily practice with. Our Sangha. Our Group. Over.

I heard just a minute of Krishna Das talking about how we all act like we're separate and the people who know remind us that we're actually all One Being. That gives me comfort when I get into thinking of us all splintered and separate.

It's Getting Hot in Here

I have this idea that it doesn't matter who the teacher is, if you put yoga in front of people, it'll teach itself. I still think that's true. Just create the space and set the context and let them go to it, and off they go. And of course, the teacher will have something to do with it, but probably very little, at least the way I've been taught.

This yoga teacher training groups looks a lot like how people looked living at the ashram where we did yoga everyday. I think that's a good thing. We've created a space where the heat is on and the purification can happen. I was saying to a regular student of my drop in classes the other day that the way the yoga teacher training is taught is a lot more traditional and more like how people just practised yoga, without plans to be a yoga teacher. The YTT does what "plain yoga" was supposed to do but at the end of it you get a certificate.

All of the past YTTs I've been involved with were like this as well, but this one more so I think because it's many days in a row and the pressure has built up without the usual distractions of life. It's like trying to bake something in the oven and turning it on and leaving it on, rather than turning it on for a minute and then turning it off for a day and then on again.

Some people in the course are hitting a wall. Possibly going through stuff they haven't gone through before. Some people are having memories of things that were buried. Others are tired. Plus, it is hot in the room in this August weather even with the tiny a/c going and the fans on. There's a strong sense of community there and people are well aware that the community is breaking up in a few days, when all sutras will have been presented, all final exams submitted, all practice teaches done, all topics covered.

Yoga works on your life, not just on your posture. So it's no wonder that yoga teachers get asked everything from what to do about tightness in a hamstring to how to deal with a partner at home who doesn't "get it." How to deal with family members not spoken to, to what to eat before class. How to deal with co-workers who gossip as well as what to do once it's clear the job you're doing isn't a fit anymore. The answer's always the same, so it doesn't matter that the questions go wide, which is bring awareness to it. Of course there's more, but basically that's the deal. Bring awareness to the situation. Do what increases your energy, do what takes you in the direction you said you want to go.

In the meantime, as the energy hits the obstacles, things sometimes melt down. As old patterns have awareness on them they start to shrivel and whither or sometimes they get strong and want to take over to survive. It's so curious, and predictable by now...

First Half of the YTT Coming to an End

The yoga teacher training has been awesome. We're just about half-way through. The first test is tomorrow morning and then we break for a month. When they come back, the students will begin lots of practice teaching.

I feel so protective of this group. There's something so special about being with a group of people who are committed to showing up and who do keep showing up. It's easy to teach but it's also way deeper and more fun to teach. Having this group all condensed and having the fire turned on has been awesome to witness and to be a part of. I'm way more relaxed myself this week than I was at the beginning, when Kat and I were just getting started and working things out. (Our teacher line up changed at the last minute and we had some course design issues to work out.) But at the same time, I'm more protective and on guard, let's say. I want to make sure this group is safe and nurtured and that the space is consistent and honoured. They're doing a great job of honouring their own space. I've had a few challenges from the outside though, (students wanting to join at the last minute, room requests over lunchtime, other teachers wanting to address the group), and it's been interesting to notice my own reaction about it all.

I'm not being very wishy-washy, which is how I've experienced myself in the past, like "we can make this work," whatever it is. I'm keeping more boundaries, not just with this group, but with myself as well I suppose. In a healthy way. Of course anything will work. But given that, what's best in this situation and is that available, are the kinds of question I'm asking myself.

My mentor told me recently that the kind of teacher I am is the kind that helps people find their own way, not the kind that gets people to copy them. She reminded me that my dharma is to be a teacher, and that it seems that no matter what, I'm going to be a teacher, so just go ahead and be teacher already. And that to be a teacher who helps people find their own way is special and it's not shiny or sparkly necessarily, but it's lasting and gives people an opportunity to experience themselves. Anyways, I'm starting to see what she means by watching this group and it's pretty neat.