Thursday, July 16, 2009

First Half of the YTT Coming to an End

The yoga teacher training has been awesome. We're just about half-way through. The first test is tomorrow morning and then we break for a month. When they come back, the students will begin lots of practice teaching.

I feel so protective of this group. There's something so special about being with a group of people who are committed to showing up and who do keep showing up. It's easy to teach but it's also way deeper and more fun to teach. Having this group all condensed and having the fire turned on has been awesome to witness and to be a part of. I'm way more relaxed myself this week than I was at the beginning, when Kat and I were just getting started and working things out. (Our teacher line up changed at the last minute and we had some course design issues to work out.) But at the same time, I'm more protective and on guard, let's say. I want to make sure this group is safe and nurtured and that the space is consistent and honoured. They're doing a great job of honouring their own space. I've had a few challenges from the outside though, (students wanting to join at the last minute, room requests over lunchtime, other teachers wanting to address the group), and it's been interesting to notice my own reaction about it all.

I'm not being very wishy-washy, which is how I've experienced myself in the past, like "we can make this work," whatever it is. I'm keeping more boundaries, not just with this group, but with myself as well I suppose. In a healthy way. Of course anything will work. But given that, what's best in this situation and is that available, are the kinds of question I'm asking myself.

My mentor told me recently that the kind of teacher I am is the kind that helps people find their own way, not the kind that gets people to copy them. She reminded me that my dharma is to be a teacher, and that it seems that no matter what, I'm going to be a teacher, so just go ahead and be teacher already. And that to be a teacher who helps people find their own way is special and it's not shiny or sparkly necessarily, but it's lasting and gives people an opportunity to experience themselves. Anyways, I'm starting to see what she means by watching this group and it's pretty neat.

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