We're All Bozos on the Bus

I made it to Omega and have been teaching yoga here for the past 2 days and it has been interesting. There's such a diverse and eclectic group of people here with such varied experiences of yoga. Fortunately they are patient and really easy to get along with. I was a bit nervous coming in as there are so many teachers on campus and I'm teaching in the room that Kofi Busia is in and it's intimidating. Then last night I went to hear Elizabeth Lesser read from her book, Broken Open, and she read the part about how we're all just bozos on the bus and I relaxed a bit.

There isn't another bus where everyone is pretty and wealthy and doing it right, lives all running smoothly. We're not alone on the bus of bozos - people who live actual lives - lives of fear and insincerity and trials and ups and downs and wondering and wonderment and everything. She explains it much better in her book, you'll be happy to know.

Anyhow, while I'm here I'm teaching everyday at 7 am, which is a bit of a "stretch" as we're not usually out of bed at that hour this summer. I'm also teaching almost every night at 5:30 and a couple of classes a week just for the staff. And when I went to teach today I thought about how I'm not alone in this. There isn't a perfect yoga teacher out there just waiting to take my place. I'm the teacher for the next two weeks and I'm doing just fine. Some people might even say I'm doing great!

Remi's back from her golf cart drive with Luc, my mountie yogi friend. So I'm off for a while!

Grateful

So after I finished publishing my little blog post yesterday I noticed that I had some voicemail and I decided to take a listen. There was a message from Loblaws saying that they had my wallet and that it had been found in the parking lot. I hadn't even noticed that my wallet was missing. Oh well.

"C'mon kids," (Remi had a friend over), "we're going to Loblaws to get my wallet." On the ride over I was reviewing the contents of my wallet in my head - oh yea, there's 20 bucks in there - I took out my receipts recently so I've got those - oh, there are 2 cheques - and I'm wondering if the stuff will be there or if my wallet will be gutted. I figure the stuff's there or my id wouldn't still be in my wallet and they wouldn't be able to call me.

Sure enough, the wallet's there, everything's in place and so was the bag of broccoli I had also left when I had been shopping earlier. Whew. I got the guy's number who'd found it and turned it in, called to thank him when I got home, and that was that.

The last time I had my wallet stolen I had $300 bucks in cash (bad move) and I was able to keep my id and credit cards, but the person at Starbucks in the Glebe made off with an easy whack of cash (it was leftover from my trip to the States, which I'm about to embark on again, as a matter of fact). The time before that, my wallet was found in the parking lot of Costco, and instead of walking it into the store, the lady who found it took it home to St. Albert. That was a bit of a journey to get back, but well worth it as again, everything was left intact.

I learned a long time ago not to have anything on me that I couldn't stand to lose. Jewelry, money, passports, gifts for people, whatever. I travelled in Asia many years ago and slept in community dorms and on beaches and learned to relax and know that my stuff was probably going to be okay and if it wasn't, it wasn't the end of the world.

While I was living in South Africa, someone came into the house I was staying in while I was there and took my purse out of the house. They took the wallet, including my credit cards and id and left my cash and passport and purse, thank you very much. The credit cards were replaced within a week and my Canadian Citizenship card took about 6 months at least to get back. Oh, and a bracelet with sentimental value was taken too. I just felt grateful that I didn't know it was happening and that nothing happened to me!

Sometimes I leave the keys in the door to my house. And like in the Michael Moore movie, as a good Canadian sometimes the door to my house is open and you could walk in. I try to lock it up and pay more attention to that now that I'm a mother, but I figure that if someone wants to take something, they will.

I've learned that my happiness does not depend on my stuff. I don't have much that can't be easily replaced. Even trinkets I've bought abroad show up in stalls in the Market now. You can buy everything just about anyplace in the world. The rest that's local is usually perishable anyhow.

So I'm totally grateful that I got my wallet back, and if it had been gone it would have for sure been a hassle that I could do without, but I know I'd be okay.

Cops Get Fit

Below is a cute clip with a yoga bit at the beginning and then a story about the police getting fit back in the '70s. (Above is a picture of my buddy, Luc, that I took a couple of years ago for a laugh.) I still teach the police at the college, but here in Ottawa, not the one in Toronto they refer to in the documentary.

Here's the link: http://archives.cbc.ca/IDC-1-41-615-3307/sports/fitness/clip5

Yoga Works

I haven't posted in a week, not because I don't have anything to say, but because I've been busy teaching yoga and when I'm not doing that, I've been out playing in the sun! (It's sunny right now too, but I'm in between classes and about to hop on my bike to get to my next class.)

If you want to get the benefits of yoga, you have to practise. It's as simple as that. You can think about doing yoga, you can have yoga dreams, but without the practising part, you won't get the benefits. And when you do practise yoga - it works! You get the benefits right away! Summertime is a fun time to skip off and not do yoga - I know. But if you keep up your practise over the summer then things like long walks or golfing or standing in line at amusement parks or long car rides won't be as hard.

I'm heading off on a long car trip in a few days. I know my yoga for comfort sequence (basically my beginning class) will make that trip manageable. While I'm away not only will I be doing yoga, but I'll be teaching yoga as well! I won't be on a vacation but a change of location, which sometimes is just as good :)

I'll be teaching yoga at Omega and I'm looking forward to seeing my old friends who are still there and to being exposed to all of that great holistic culture! Good food, music, vibes, people - if you haven't been to Omega, I suggest you give it a try. While the Canadian dollar is so high you'll get great value for your money these days.

Off to a Good Start

I mentioned before that I decided to offer meditation classes at the Shepherds of Good Hope partly in response to my discomfort with what was going on in my neighourhood. I was feeling judgemental and uncomfortable. My response when I get like that is to get curious rather to be more distant. So I thought I could offer meditation and see what happened.

It went well, and much like any other meditation workshop that I've led anywhere. One guy shared that it was a big deal for him to close his eyes in a group of people, totally honest, and he also mentioned after one of our "sits" that he felt some anxiety come up. Wow. I acknowleged him for having those feelings and for staying in the room anyways.

So today, I'm walking towards Rideau Street and I'm nearing the beer store and I notice some people sitting around and one of the people is that guy! We said hi and I kept walking. I felt so good. I felt connected and not annoyed and just a part of things in a different way. I knew that I would benefit by offering meditation classes but I didn't think it would happen so quickly or have such a positive impact.

I learned in my yoga experience that the world is one family. Today I felt the separation gone and I feel part of the world family again. I hope that made sense!

Free Meditation!

So I led my first Meditation class at the Shepherds of Good Hope this evening. It went really well. You are all welcome to come. It's on Mondays at 7 at the Shepherds on Murray St. See you there!

Animal Dreams

I guess I could just look this up on the internet, but I'm wondering what it means when you have dreams about animals.

This week I've dreamed about snakes (getting hit by cars, and they had belonged to Oprah), and cats (sick ones on an island, lots of sand), and last night it was grizzly bears (one was under water and the other one was stuffed like a stuffed animal and huge, next to a life-sized moose that was also like a prize from the Ex, not stuffed like taxidermy). What does it all mean?

I don't figure it means much, but it's funny to remember my dreams and notice that there are lots of animals in them. I thought maybe it meant that Hammie's on his way out, which may be true because he's coming up on 3 years, and that's pretty old for a hamster.



I have admired my Hamuel. He has done damage to my home with his perservance and sharp teeth. He has practically lived in the wild inside my house. He spent many many days in a row on the lamb. Even the other night he was downstairs in the bathroom walls. "Hammy! You get back upstairs right now!" He's like a hamster Houdini. I've even called the manufacturer of the cage to complain, or inform them rather, that their cages do not contain hamsters as claimed. He's in a "lock down" situation now, so his escape the other night baffles me. When it happened a year ago I put a call into the fire department to ask them about the potential damage to the electrical wiring in the walls. I got some good info. "Not to worry" was the main message I got though.



He sleeps a lot. He rattles his cage a bit when it gets dark out. He doesn't spend as much time on the wheel as he used to. I was convinced that I could put power back into the grid if I could hook up his wheel to something.

And being the mom, I clean his cage. I feed him and water him and even pet him. Remi is a bit tired of him and wants a dog or a cat. Or a bird, that's the new "ask." I told her I know she won't clean the cage, so when Hammy's done, so am I for a while. I'll miss him. I missed Buddy, the rat. And I'll possibly continue to have animal dreams and remember my pets...

Meditation for Crackheads

As most of you know (if you know me at all), I live right downtown next to the Shepherds of Good Hope, and there is a lot of "stuff" going on in my neighbourhood, not to mention on my steps, especially after midnight. When the weather's nice, there's more people "sleeping" outside and hanging around on the streets. I have noticed more crack lately and fewer needles and I've seen newer women on the corners who look in rougher shape than the regulars of the past few years and I got to wondering more about crack addiction.

Megan's blog has discussed the recent decision to stop giving out free crack pipes and I'm not sure what it all means, but the issue is becoming hot here in Ottawa.

From what I understand, crack addiction is one of the worst and recovery is difficult and people's reality is so different. I figured I'd like to offer meditation classes to that group, not so that they could recover or get off drugs or whatever, but just because meditation can be good for people in general. I spoke to someone in my yoga classes who works there and she got me a spot and starting on Monday, once a week I'll volunteer at the Shepherds, offering meditation.

As someone who literally has this going on in my back yard, the idea of spreading the services out across the city is an appealing one at first glance. When funding for mental illness programs was cut some years ago, many people were put out on the streets who really need support for living. Having a high concentration of services in one area of town has led to a trail from the Mission to the Shepherds, with stops on the way, and people just hanging out on other people's porches and stuff. I'm not clear on all of the issues associated with this, but I do know that it's a problem, and it seems to be getting worse.

When I start getting judgemental and opinionated about stuff, I try and take a closer look, get interested. So I thought I'd bring myself in greater contact with this marginalized population, rather than shut myself inside and wait for the "authorities" to do something to make me feel better.

Meditation: the Musical

After seeing some awesome live theatre shows lately, (check out the Parks Canada Players), I got inspired and was thinking up some scenes for plays that have yoga and meditation themes, mainly along comedic lines. For years I've had the idea of having yoga teacher characters that would come out and lead the class. Goofy teachers, airy-fairy teachers, even the yoga dominatrix has been discussed. But after watching a play at Ft. Wellington the other night that was totally interactive, it got me to thinking about a show that would have the audience be in a meditation class. Actors would be interspersed throughout the audience and would do their thing from the seats, which would be pillows on the floor. At some point there would be singing and dancing. "Meditation: the Musical" comes to mind. I crack myself up. If only I could get it out - it would be funny.

Yoga?

I really feel like I'm on vacation now. That's probably due to a couple of things. One is, many of my regular students are on vacation. So either classes are cancelled or there are only a few students in a class.

The other thing is that my daughter is out of school and she's home a lot and we actually get to sleep in! Most of the time I get up early just 'cause, but now that I don't have to have her dressed, fed, and out the door by 7:35, we can lounge a bit and I must say, that feels really good!



I was telling people in class last week about how people thought of different koans and things to get them out of their current state of mind and blown open to new ideas and thought patterns. Well recently I had my own things creep up to blow me away. One is crop circles. I haven't been into them before, and I'm not now, but I just thought about them a bit and that got me to thinking and let's just say, it doesn't sound like there's a real explanation out there. So that was cool.

And then I rented a DVD with conversations with Abraham the other day from Singing Pebble. Well that's a bit of a mind-blowing thing too. I've heard some Abraham recordings, which you can listen to for free on this site, but this DVD is new and has visuals, and then it turns out it was done by a guy here in Ottawa I've never heard of before. So check that out if you're interested.

The whole Abraham thing reminded me a lot of an experience I had years ago that I could call "Conversations with Gurubelle." I'm still so skeptical of all of this stuff even though I suppose I've had quite a bit of experience with it all!

Star Wars, nothing but Star Wars, you know those...

So I'm sitting here not really watching the second episode of Star Wars, which is really the 18th episode or something, if you're really paying attention. Okay, it's the 5th. It's a lot of Star Wars.

But the Jedi stuff is kind of cool. And in a yoga way, it's kind of yogic. Yoda. Yoga. Hmm. See what I mean? I haven't actually watched enough of this episode to report about the things that are majorly yogic, but I know there are some. I'll watch more and get back to you.

I had a dream the other night that I was levitating. I dream that a lot and it's kind of palpable. Like I can really feel the feeling of levitating and flying. Apparently I do a lot of jerking around in my sleep when this is happening and I assure you, it's not a bad dream I'm having, rather a really cool fantasy of being able to be "jedi-like." Because when I got off the phone this evening and back into the room where Remi was watching Star Wars, there was this part where Yoda was flying and I was having this body memory of flying and levitating and using the Force!

One thing Obi Wan said to someone was about be careful what you think. It's true. What you think about manifests itself. I learned that a long time ago during a meditation retreat when I "got" that thoughts have matter and that what we think about totally makes a difference and although we may feel all private about our thoughts and stuff, those thoughts make a ripple and can cause things to happen. It's a bit Jedi, I know. Anyways. Remi's asleep now and I will be soon. Given the chance to fall asleep before 11, I'll take it unless something really spectacular is happening.

A Better Blog

I was just reading something that I thought was very creative and fun, and winds up in a way better blog than mine. Really neat.

Here's the link.

It's Remi's last day of school today and I was thinking about how I could celebrate her and I asked some of the CHEO kids what they thought was even more fun than Midway, and I got, Fun Junction. So that's where I'm going to take her today after school.

When I was growing up I don't remember being celebrated for doing tasks I was expected to do, like pass Grade 3, for instance. But I think that really we don't have enough celebrating around here, so let's go for it, and Remi finishing up school for the year is as good excuse as any, and maybe even a better one if you think about it.

So I'm off to teach another yoga class...

Summer's Here and I'm on Hold

I got some new software. It's exciting because it's supposed to be able to help me do my web site and lay out some of my booklets. It's actually a kick-ass design software program suite.

After deciding which computer was going to get the software, I started to load it only to find out that my new computer, which claimed to have a gig of RAM has only 894 MB. So I'm on hold with HP to find out what the deal is.

Things just seem to take time.

And so today, the Summer Solstice, marks a new beginning. It's the longest day of the year, as you know, and that makes me a bit sad because it means the days get shorter from here on in, which means winter is coming again. And I still have some hats and scarves in the closet. I may as well leave them there because Old Man winter is already on his way back!

The guy just came back on and said he's going to put me on hold for 2 - 4 minutes was that okay. Sure. I've been on hold for only 12 so far. It's not light out anymore. It was still light out just a while ago.

This software has known "issues" with Vista, which is what my new computer is running on. So we'll see how this goes.

Noticing if I wish this moment were different and just breathing into things the way they are knowing they're going to change anyways...
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The update is that I need to buy either more RAM or a new video card. Upgrading my month-old computer. Sheesh, time seems to be going by faster these days...winter will be here anyday...

Making the Body Safe

I'm waiting at CHEO for my class to start. I teach yoga to kids in an Eating Disorders Program here at the hospital.

I don't get a lot of feedback from them about what the yoga does for them. My job is to provide them a safe space to explore themselves and leave the talking to the counselors basically. We do talk, don't get me wrong, just usually not about yoga, but about dating and proms and smoking and "stuff."

I do have an intention with them though. And that's to make sensations available to them in a safe way so they're not overwhelmed. People with disordered eating issues sometimes need to just down to their bodies' messages. I'm encouraging them to gently listen to those messages.

The type of yoga I lead with this group is similar to any group I lead, however, it's slower, and there's more emphasis on listening to the body and it's just generally gentler.

They're heeeeere....

Yoga for Little Kids

Remi and I finished up our co-teaching of the little kids at the daycare this week. We've been going in after school on Thursdays and "playing yoga" for most of the school year.

Teaching really little kids is pretty hard for a teacher like me. Even though I'm a mom, I find teaching kids difficult. They move around, they don't listen, they're not always motivated...but it has been a real learning for me. When I teach at Remi's school, all of the kids have to do it and it's usually in gym class and it's a big deal and they know how to sit still and can pay attention a bit better, now that they're like, 8. But the 4 and 5 year olds in an optional setting at the day care centre are quite tricky. They let me know if they're enjoying it and if they're not, they abandon the "class" and walk away. I don't usually take it personally.

If I show up on a Wednesday to meet Remi at the bus, the kids see me and say, "are we doing yoga today?" Just seeing me reminds them of yoga. And even though they don't always pay attention and want to do yoga, they have fond memories of yoga. The teachers tell me they talk about it when I'm not there and they say they like it. So maybe one day when they're ready to do yoga, they'll be open to it and have a good association with it.

Yoga is like laundry...

I remember a long time ago when I was young...I used to think that fitness or yoga was something you could achieve. I didn't really "get" that yoga was something that had to be kept up in order to keep getting the benefits from. I guess after universtity, where there was a lot of achieving, I wasn't used to the idea that you'd have to keep practising. I started yoga while I was in university and then carried on at Kripalu after doing a bit in Asia. I remember Bikram saying that he didn't need to practise yoga anymore because he'd invested so much time doing it. That was a long time ago, so I don't know if he'd be saying the same thing now, but that's what he said 15 years ago.

I heard a joke a while back, "the trouble with vacuuming is every six months you have to do it again." I think about yoga like that. It has to be kept up or we can fall apart. Or like laundry. You have to do it regularly. You don't do your laundry once and then it's all done. It's something that, when kept up, can keep you sane and feeling more comfortable.

Site's Still Down

The hockey game is on so I won't be at this for long...

My site's still down but shouldn't be for much longer. In the meantime, here's the recording for the 3-Part Breath.

And here's the guided relaxation if you would like that...

Capital Yoga Down

It happened. The Capital Yoga site came down. It was acting like it was coming down a couple of weeks ago and then by some fluke it stayed up and it seemed like everything was back to normal. And then it just came down. And now I will rebuild it. Step by step. Learn a new program, find some graphics that work, restore the content, make up some new stuff, and have fun! Because I actually like building websites. I like sitting in front of my computer and I have a couple of computers to choose from too.

This morning it doesn't feel like fun though. I'd rather blog or go for a walk or eat some more breakfast or call my mom. When I come across an obstacle sometimes I wait. If I don't see just how I need to proceed I get distracted and start to avoid the task. But if it's a serious task that must be done I will perservere, "chunk" out the steps and do it. After having a nap and drinking more tea and calling friends with jobs and all sorts of other stalling tactics.

When I was at McGill back in the '80s I had a computer. It was an old Atari that used my TV as a monitor. I even had a modem that used an old phone with a curly cord that jammed into this receiver base to send files back and forth to my parents' place so they could proofread my papers.

At Kripalu in the early '90s I had a computer and email. Anyone remember Genie? I was getting email from my mother and grandmother way back then. The network we used at the 'shram was Macintosh and I was introduced to "hypertext." Cool.

Then at Omega we got the world wide web in color. Whohoo! I actually led workshops for people to learn how to "surf the web." When I left my job I made a manual in html so the new person could just click to find the answers. At one point I remember reflecting how my laptop computer cost more than the car I was driving. I had a desktop computer set up in our trailer and had access to email and movie times in the trailer park.

Once I left the States I even telecommuted from Johannesburg updating Omega's online catalogue. The phone bills were outrageous as you pay for local calls down there. My computer was good but the connections were slow. I was able to email pictures of my new baby at the time to relatives far, far away.

I've always been wired up to the internet it seems. So it's logical that I'd want a web site even if it's not doing much. Capital yoga didn't sell anything. It was just a place for me to post stuff and advertise my classes and workshops. A place to tell my story. Guess I'd better get back to taking care of it...

And it's not accessible. I keep waiting, breathing, hoping it will come back up soon so I can work on it, and it's still down. I click, wait, fire off a message, a plea for help, and I guess I'll wait some more. At this point I'm not even avoiding the task! Alas I wait...

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And while I wait, I found this page and I'm reading it. Seems weird to have the biographies of great women teachers and saints right next to a flashing ad "the fart button - press here - you know you want to." I hope you don't wind up with that ad if you go to the page!

Lots I Could Write About

There's a lot on my mind and a lot I could write about. That's usually the case, come to think about it. I could write about attachment and how sweet it was when my daughter accidentally deleted all of her dogs on Nintendogs for her DS. I honestly don't think I've ever seen her soooo sad. Grieving the loss of her virtual pets. Very, very sad. She came around and the next day the loss didn't seem so bad. By yesterday she was even grateful because she learned something about her machine and how she could make new pets and get rid of them when she wanted to.

I could write about non-attachment some more and how we're all excited about the Sens and see if we can be happy that they're in the playoffs and not let the fact that they've lost two games take away from the enjoyment.

I'm also thinking about food and how I've gone all unconscious about eating and how I'm glad I wear a lot of spandex because that way my clothes don't care, but my other clothes have gotten a lot smaller so now I'm back on a conscious eating program and am encouraged. Company is stronger than will power!

But after reading Megan's blog again, she mentioned lip balm and I realize that that's my topic for today. I went to my coach, Joyce Hardman's, yoga class this morning at Metta Massage & Yoga Clinic, and afterwards I went to the Pharmasave, which is right downstairs. I wanted to get some of my favourite lip balm from Bonne Bell. I looked at Shoppers last week and couldn't find any, which totally surprised me. As a yoga teacher, I talk a lot for an hour and a half and I don't like to reapply lip balm during the class if I can help it, and I also don't like to have that cakey, gummy, whitish line on my bottom lip either. Hence, the Bonne Bell stick. It's hard for me to keep track of them and they aren't always where I need them, as a result, I've resorted to other lip balms that are lying around that I either received as stocking stuffers or bought in the hopes of topping the Bonne Bell. The last one I bought by mistake was a Nivea stick that I thought of returning because it was so bad. I kept it around as a last resort and used it this morning while I took a class and promised myself I'd treat myself to some new lip balm after class.

So that's what I got. A new Bonne Bell lip balm. They don't have my old shiney favourites that were around when Remi first started getting into it 6 years ago. But they've replaced it with others that seem to do okay.

When I'm teaching a class I've got enough going on in the room - people, poses, lighting, music, fan - that I don't need to be worrying about my lip balm as well. But it's comforting to have it on and if it's not right it feels funny and can actually distract me while I'm teaching. So I've become attached to lip balm.

One of the ingredients in most lip balms is something hydrogenated and I wonder if that's probably not a good thing, and I suppose I probably eat a lot of lip balm over the course of a month, but it feels good. I hope I'm practising ahimsa wearing lip balm and I'm not doing damage to my arteries, but I'm not really sure. I've asked a couple of people about the trans fats in lip balm and noone seems to know or to care really, for that matter.

So here's my new lip balm. It felt great during my lunch class at BTI. Held up. Felt comforting. That's what I want in a lip balm...

Beginner Mind Yoga

I teach a Beginning Yoga class on Tuesdays and Fridays and we call it "beginner" but it's a bit of a trick. It's really for anyone. The people who are more intermediate or advanced know that. So to welcome beginners it's called "beginner yoga" and I think it does the trick.

Anyone can do yoga. If someone tells me they can't, I tend to get a bit argumentative and it's hard for me to not get excited. I'll keep working on that...

Everyone can do yoga!