Mother Courage

For at least the past eight years I have led a yoga class on Mother's Day. So that whole image of mom getting breakfast in bed, her children toddling up with a tray, a little tulip in a vase, a chocolate kiss on the side - that's never happened to me. What I have done is reflect each year on what it means to be a mother. What courage it took to be a mother. Anybody's mother.

Today I led a short metta meditation that was just a short reflection on your mother. Whether you knew her or not, whether she's still alive or she's passed on, and just imagining what it might have been like to have you. Imagining your mom as her young self, with you in her arms. How scary it might have been, how exciting it might have been, maybe both. There's no easy way to be a mother I don't think. I mean, it can all work out of course, but I don't think you can get into Mammasana without having to face a lot of fears. I don't think you can do Momasana without finding your courage.

I became a mom in South Africa and one of our friends there was a great meditator (they have a fabulous meditation retreat if you're ever looking for a far away place to go) and he said that mothers must get enlightened to have a child. And how it's curious that that enlightenment fades away. Giving birth can definitely be a big moment of enlightenment.

No matter what though, to have had you, meant your mother passed through phases of internal witnessing over time, that may have been some of the most tender moments of her life, perhaps some of the scariest, and in the end she had you. If you're reading this, your mother had you. She did a good job. So if you haven't acknowledged your mother for the courage it took her to have you, I would recommend you at least silently do that today. If you have it in you, contact her and appreciate her for how risky it was to be your mother and how wonderful a job she did.

And if you're a mom yourself, acknowledge yourself for taking a risk to be a mother, the courage it took to be pregnant and give birth and maybe even raise that child! And if you gave up your child or lost your child, it still took courage and maybe even more, so acknowledge yourself for what you went through. It's a big deal. It's natural, it happens everyday, and yet, it's a very big deal.

One other thing, as time goes by and we see our mothers as very human and we maybe feel more distance, it may be a good reminder to allow ourselves to be loved like our mothers did or maybe still do. Let in the love that's there. Allow yourself to be loved by the earth, loved by the people who are close to you. Your mom just really wanted you to be loved and to feel good. Of course there's more, but honour that part by letting yourself be held by your life, allowing your life to love you, allowing yourself to be mothered, in a totally good way.

Getting There...

So the App I've been telling you about is undergoing a change and its new incarnation will be available any minute. We're uploading it to Apple as I type, so when they're through with their process, there will be a new, free app to try. It'll look a lot like the one I've been telling you about but that's because I'm using the same pictures and content.

What's happened is that I've been approved by IRAP (Industrial Research Assistance Program) to hire someone with skillz to do the programming for me. I found him a few months ago and he's been working steadily for the past few weeks while we've been waiting for the official word to come from Toronto that we'll really be okayed. He did not work on the original app. We found out last week that we've been approved and my programmer will actually be paid to build more apps as well as build an interface so you yoga teachers out there can create your own mobile apps for your students.

The new app will be available when Apple has reviewed it. The status we just saw on the screen said "In Review." Whoohoo!

Next steps are to finish my full app so my students can have the whole class as the free version will just have a few sequences. I need to find teachers who are willing to come up with content so I can provide them with apps. And we have to build the input system, but that will take quite awhile. It's a behind the scenes thing that when it's rolled out, will make so much sense. But for now, we've got our first one ready to go and it's cool!

Yoga on the go - really!

You can "like" Capital Yoga Publishing on Facebook if you want to follow the progress from there and see more screen shots :)

Day of UnPlugging

My daughter and I did another "No Technology Day" on Saturday. Well, from Friday at sundown until Saturday at sundown. We are both lovers and power users of some technologies and we've agreed to take a day a month to just not be plugged in. At first she was resistant and even put up a bit of a struggle, so we argued and I won and we lasted the whole day. This time there wasn't much struggle, plus the weather was nice and we went out and did stuff, so the time went by pretty easily. She's even planning future No Technology Days - this time we went to our trampoline school for an extra hour outside of our normal time. My daughter said, "next time we have NTD, let's do two hours of trampoline!" I did not agree to go along with that idea but who knows how I'll be feeling next time!

During the fast we have an opportunity to notice so many other things. We were getting ready for bed, reading our books and my daughter mentioned that she was having trouble reading her book because there was a song going on in her head. The song was drowning out the words on the page! We are influenced by the stuff we're ingesting all the time and we barely even notice. All the news and images and sounds. Sometimes it takes unplugging to notice the residue that we're coated in.

(We call it No Technology Day, but we don't mean no technology at all - we still have tools we use and accept phone calls, for instance - we mean the Internet and TV generally.)

Yoga on the Grass

A recent YTT grad asked me about my experience teaching outside on the grass and it got me to thinking. And my getting to thinking got me to writing, and well, here we go.

Teaching yoga outside works in a lot of ways and there's also a lot that can go wrong. Context is everything...

So first of all, who are you teaching? Once, I was teaching a bunch of adolescents and they flipped out when we were on the grass because there were insects on their mats. That didn't work. However, now that I know they might react to it, I still teach outside on the grass, but I warn them about the bugs and sometimes I even add that they could pretend it's lucky to have an ant on their mat, or we can use it as an opportunity to notice our reactions, etc.

If the group knows each other, that's always going to be different than if the group doesn't. Same thing with if the group is required to do yoga, like a gym class, or wants to do yoga, like they've signed up for an 8-week class with you. Totally different groups.

Then there's the environment. Are you near traffic? Let me tell you, breathing in exhaust fumes while you're doing yoga is not so pleasant. I've been outside in a seemingly serene environment when all of a sudden a big lawn mower starts doing its thing. Stinky, loud, distracting to say the least.

Is it public? Will strangers walk by and comment or try and interact with the group? That's happened, too. I once had a guy approach my group and ask to bum a smoke. True story. And if people are standing by and watching it can feel awkward to your students, so what's the space like?

Is it wet? Is it warm? Is it windy? Yoga on the grass is best when it's not damp, when it's warm enough, and when there's not too much wind. Yelling while you're teaching will tire you right out. If it's hot, it's nice to have shade available so people don't have to worry about sunburn.

Do people have mats? Yoga straight on the grass can be challenging because of the bugs and the sticks and the potential poop and stuff. Blankets work well too.

Is the ground even? That's another dynamic that comes into play when you're teaching outside. Often the ground is not level and some people are rolling down a hill or there's a bump in the middle of the mat, so lying down isn't always comfortable.

Leading yoga classes outside is often a lot of fun. Unpredictable happenings are more likely because there's less you can control, and sometimes those classes are the most memorable. I'd love to hear from any of you who've taught or taken yoga classes outside. How'd it go?

Making Meditation Sexy

I'm not sure just how this is going to happen, but I'm pretty sure it will. And I'm sure when that happens that there will be things about it I like and things about it I don't like. But sometime soon meditation has just got to get some sex-appeal. Yoga's got it by now for sure, but as I've been ranting, there's not enough meditation going around.

What's the lululemon equivalent of meditation gear? Maybe we could come up with some cool meditation cushions with bling. Or shag carpets, not just the white Kundalini style skin, but something rainbow or sparkles? What would it take to lure people in to a mediation class and sit still? We could wear meditation caps or funky socks. I'm reaching here, I know.

Mala beads have made a comeback, I've noticed. So that could be a good tool to market meditation. "Come sit with us, we'll do japa together." Just like with yoga accessories, maybe some meditation accessories would draw people in. What if japa beads coaxed people to their seat and then they stuck around? That wouldn't be so bad.

Wish I'd Done Better/Restoring Integrity

I'm sitting in a place right now of wishing I'd done better in a recent conversation that spanned a couple of days and included a phone call with some follow up emails. I'm wishing I'd kept my cool, witnessed the sensations instead of reacting from that place. I felt the sensations coming up and I considered not acting but I chose to share what was on my mind and now I'm sort of sorry that I did. I remember one of the key lessons I got from the Landmark Forum was that being right is a very lonely place. I realize I've been spending some time being right and it serves me in that it helps me get my own thoughts straight in some cases, but it really isn't a good place to communicate from and I've been doing some communicating from that place the past couple of days.

I've seen the circles of "something happened" and "what I'm making it mean/my story about what happened" like shadows but they didn't come to the forefront in time for me to not react to the situation as though what happened is what I'm making up. And what I tend to make up is stuff about myself that doesn't feel good, like I'm too this or too that, and I go and make up stuff about other people as though they're too this or too that, and it's not a nice way to feel. On top of it, I then treat the other person as though my story is true, and even if it didn't start off that way, through my powers of making it seem that way, it sure ends up being true and then I can be right some more and the cycle continues.

(There's a quick video here. Click on See it in Action and then click on the woman with the white necklace.)

I know better. I know it's not a great way to exist. And yet, I'm a bit out of practice and I didn't have it in me to do it the way I could have. So I'm trying to forgive myself for falling into the trap I laid out for myself. I'm trying to return to the "what's so" so I can be present, where things are always manageable. Where I'm left right now though is quite sad and more than a bit isolated.

So what do you do when you notice there's a breakdown? You first of all acknowledge it. "I had a breakdown in my communication!" What do you do then? Restore your integrity. "It is not my intention to make other people wrong for how they are. My plan is to be open, to not collapse what happened with what I make it mean, and just stop making stories up, especially ones that don't work for me." You can also notice the impact it has on other people when you do that. "Wow, when I make up stuff about what happened, I'm not listening to you. I'm not present to you. And that creates distance when what I really want is connection." And then you continue with your commitment/integrity restored. "You can count on me to listen. And I will acknowledge when I'm not and restore my intention."

It's a lot like yoga. Notice where you feel the sensations and breathe into them. Allow them to be there.

The Cops did Happy Baby

I can't believe I just wrote that title. It really happened. The group at the Police College this time seemed more receptive than ever and after Bridge Pose, when I might say something in a public class at a yoga studio like, "listen to your body and do what feels good - you might like to hug your knees into your chest or maybe even a happy baby might feel good," for the cops I tend to shy away from things like that. But today was different. I could sense it. So I said my usual thing as above and bam - a whole bunch of happy babies rolling around on the floor. Go figure.

I've been holding back. Underestimating the group. Maybe we'll even OM next time. Kidding. We won't OM. Maybe someone could sub for me and you could try leading an OM in a big, empty gym with a bunch of cops who have to do yoga for their leadership course. Then get back to me and tell me all about it.

11% Jehovah's Witness

This morning while I was surfing the net I thought I'd drop by Beliefnet and see what was shaking there, rather than reading bad news or looking at beautiful pictures of destructive volcanic ash clouds. I find Beliefnet a bit busy and agitating rather than relaxing, but it's there and I checked it out. I wasn't there for very long before I found a quiz I thought would be fun. The quiz is What religion are you?

Seeing as how I don't know what "religion" I am, I thought I'd see what they came up with. As you can see by the screen shot, I'm apparently 100% Neo-Pagan, which I guess is cool. I'm something at least. They found a place for me in the quiz! I'm only 5% Roman Catholic and I'm like 70% of a Scientologist! Also cool - that's like almost being in tight with John Travolta. Almost.

Yoga "Makes Me" Tired

I could really get going about this topic so I'll try and keep it blog-short. I think people need to rest during the day.

So yesterday this little guy comes up to me after yoga during gym class. He's 11. He tells me, "yoga makes me tired and now I have to go to soccer and I'm too tired." "Dude, yoga does not make you tired. You're tired. Can you have a nap when you get home?" "No, I've got to walk the dog and then I'm at soccer practice." "Okay, try blocking your left nostril, breathe through your right one for a bit and off you go." The guy is scheduled from the time he gets up until 10 pm when he finally gets to lie down again.

People, if you lie down and you feel tired, it's not the lying down that makes you tired. You're freaking tired. Lying down and pausing for a moment reveals to you all sorts of things. Sometimes it can alert you to the fact that you're overworked, super-scheduled, and eventually you will be stressed out and just may get sick or punch somebody or whatever other stressed-out expression people come up with.

My daughter and some friends came up with a plan that would let them have a nap after lunch. It didn't get off the ground. No support from the school. It takes too much work to find a way to kids to lie down. I realize it would be a logistical nightmare if everyone got to lie down for a bit during the day. But we're living in the alternative.

I'm sure that the pendulum was once way over on the other side and we were a bunch of lazy-bums long, long ago. We're not anymore. We're hyper-productive. Or at least we're scheduled that way. We're armies of workers ready to go. Sending ourselves off into battle everyday. We've been brainwashed or "culturally supported" let's say, in the habit of disregarding the body and the spirit, for that matter. And it starts out really young. We're not even out of elementary school before we're stretched to the limit, and not in a good way. Stretch and release is yoga. I don't see the release, the rest, that allows the circulation to return to normal. I see stretch, stretch, stretch, and then collapse.

I'm not a Graphic Designer

I'm a yoga teacher, not a graphic designer! And yet, I'm being called to at least do some draft work on the web site that will be used to help other yoga teachers create their own web sites and iPhone yoga apps! So I'm stretching into places I haven't stretched in a while.

Capital Yoga Publishing is getting off to a crawl. I've got a programmer here who's typing away furiously, doing something he calls "coding." It sounds like typing, but apparently it's not.

I'm taking care of the softer side of things like how it's going to look and feel until there's actual funding or enough revenue to hire someone who can really do the design part of the job. So if you haven't downloaded my app from iTunes yet, please click on the link at the top right of this page and buy the app! In the meantime, I'm really happy to be collaborating on something that's outside of yoga but still in line with my yoga world.

Another collaboration is happening and it is in the yoga world. Kat Mills and I are offering a Friday Night Special that will rock your world. Living Your Yoga will happen once a month on a Friday night from 7 - 9 at Rama Lotus. We'll be looking at the yamas and niyamas; find ways to incorporate them into our daily lives; do some postures; have a contemplative part; and get to connect with other people. The cost is $25 and the first one happens on April 23. So please come if you can.

Sources of Suffering

There's so much going on I hardly know where to begin so I'll just cut to the part that I'm looking at this morning, which was precipitated by recent events and although the details are probably pretty juicy and interesting, they're just the externals. What I've been sitting with is internal weather and watching how even though it's bright and sunny outside, I could feel a cloud range in my belly as I was meditating. So rather than watch my breath, I chose to "unconceal" the clouds and see what was there.

So what was there was fear of rejection and its opposite, seeking approval. And this is so old, so much a part of my childhood, which I don't even write about here, and maybe one day I could brag about what I've had to overcome as a way of celebrating and acknowledging myself, but that's not what this post is about.

I have had an intense fear of rejection, but that's not really accurate because I have often found myself heading straight towards situations where I am certain rejection will be, not as way to confront it, but to be taken over by it, like indulging in it. Like Eckart Tolle's pain body idea. So it's like rejection lives in me and loves to come out and be felt once in a while so what it does is take me to situations where I can find rejection and live in that for a bit. Gross. I think it's even parasitic. So at the same time as I really, really don't like the feeling of being rejected, I find myself uncontrollably drawn to being rejected as though I'm picking a wound that could use some air to heal but I don't give it.

On the flip side of rejection lives my love and attraction for approval. It's so young, the source of this, it's me as a small kid and it's innocent and insecure, or maybe vulnerable describes it better.

During the weekend of the Landmark Forum, one of the things that comes up is how we all have these decisions we've made as children that we haven't reviewed and we are basically living out the fears of ourselves as children while we're in adult bodies. And I've known that and "get it" and still there's more to be revealed, there's internal weather patterns to be measured, and here I am.

What I've learned to do with everything that bothers me, whether it's physical stuff, like seasonal allergies, or it's emotional stuff that comes up by reviewing myself in my past relationships with men and my parents for instance, is to breathe into the sensations. That means I've got to find them first so I can breathe into them. The story with the allergies is that I used to have seasonal allergies that had sensations to them - itchy eyes, fatigue, other stuff - and I started watching them, allowing them to be there, and then one day they went away. Poof. Just like that. Every once in a while they come back and I watch the sensations, not with an intention to make them go away, but just observing them without judgement, and poof, they go away.

So when the pain surfaced this morning while I reviewed the rejection part (I got triggered by seeing my ex-boyfriend-on purpose - I should write about that too sometime - how I want to be free, including free to walk around my city and not avoid places because of people) I was able to get my arms around that old feeling and take a closer look at it. It didn't poof go away just yet. And it may not - I don't even have expectations that it will, I just intend to notice it and allow it. So it surfaced not as like the source of all my suffering, but like one of the fountains of suffering that I have in me.

When that happens, my teachers all come running to me inside. I hear Pema Chodron reminding me that I'm looking for ground when really things are groundless. I see a drawing of two circles - one with the details of what happened and one with the details of what I'm making it mean - that I got from Landmark Education. I hear myself telling me to find the places I feel and breathe into them. And it helps! It guides me through! I feel the victory that comes with me navigating myself through a dark forest that scares me - just like I want physical freedom on the outside, way more important to me is the emotional or psychic freedom to go anyplace inside myself.

So my meditation this morning was like a psychic x-ray or scan. I could see where there were areas of congestion and see how I have behaved in response. And then I felt so much compassion for myself and when that happens, it radiates out and makes me feel compassion for all of us. All of us making our way through this life with our hidden patterns and concealed desires. And noticing where I feel weak makes me feel so much stronger. Like I've got a map in my hands, a guide. It's good.

Big Build Up

Well the hair thing was really a non-event. I mean, I did get it coloured, but it wasn't that big a deal and I don't think the amount I worked myself up about it was really warranted. It looks nice, don't get me wrong, and if you look closely, you'll see there's some colour, but I didn't cover the grey bits and it's just highlights. So all my inner statements about femininity and society and my role and natural or unnatural, wow, just inner chatter. It's over. It's still a conversation we could have, but for today, I don't need to have that one.

Tonight marks the beginning of something else that's probably going to be a non-event, and that's the new yoga/meditation class. A conversation I've been having is about how there's too many posture classes and not enough classes that offer some honest-to-goodness meditation. So I'm starting one and it's beginning tonight. I'm a bit nervous because I don't want to let people down and I want it to go well so people will want to come back. It's actually replacing the Beginning Hatha Yoga class that's been on for over 8 years.

I have been recently reminded that other people don't like meditation or aren't the "kind of person" who would meditate. Huh? It's a kind of person? So I'm bracing myself a bit and hoping to tout the benefits of meditation, perhaps rattling off some stats and findings about brainwaves and blood pressure, but I'm really hoping we'll just have an amazing time, especially during the luxurious relaxation that's built in to the class, and that it will speak for itself. I know that emphasizing the benefits can actually enhance people's experiences but I don't want do a big promotion either.

I mean seriously, did you ever hear of anyone saying, "once I started yoga and meditation everything went downhill from there"? That's not how it goes. It tends to mark the beginning of something good. Let's hope the pattern continues tonight!

Hare Today, Goon Tomorrow

I think that's the punchline of a joke that one might tell around Easter.

Anyways, I'm sitting here with a whole bunch of mixed emotions. I am practising yoga. I'm breathing into the sensations and noticing the feelings and allowing them to be there. In a couple of hours, I will be sitting in a chair at my hairdresser's for a few hours. For the first time. Ever.

It's not the first time going to the hairdresser's obviously. And if there was ever a question about my preference for monogamy, it's clear, based on my relationship with my hairdresser, that I am committed to our relationship and one will do just fine. I live in hair salon paradise down in the Market, yet I drive out to a small strip mall in the west end where she works, because I've chosen to stay with her. I like how she does my hair and that's that.

It's come up over the years about whether or not I should dye my hair as the grey starts to come in. My hairdresser is a long-haired silver. All grey and beautiful. My mother has never dyed her hair. I have friends who spend as much as a car payment on their hair each month and I have scoffed.

However, it was brought to my attention by a friend a few months ago that I "could dye my hair." I spoke to my hairdresser about it back then and she said I could dye it but that would be the beginning of the end. I'd need to keep dying it. "What about highlights?" I asked. She said it takes three hours and it's well over a hundred dollars. As if I'm going to sit for three hours and pay that kind of money! Ha!

And then I started looking around. The people that got to me the most were my students at CHEO. They almost all dye their hair. And they're not doing it to look younger. Most of them tell me it just is fun and it feels good. I remember Elizabeth Lesser telling me about 15 years ago that nothing made her feel better in the winter than getting some good highlights put in. Elizabeth? Unnatural hair? You bet. "Feels great," came the answer.

One my clients who's just a couple of years older than me and who's a shade or two darker said, "look at it this way. I've been dying my hair since my 20s. I'd say you've done pretty well."

When I called Francine to discuss this, she said "if we're doing highlights to cover the grey, you'll need to dye it first and then add highlights." I said, "what if I just want highlights to have fun and mix it up a bit?" And she said we could do that. I don't want to look stripey. She said not to worry, she does "foils." Apparently most people know what that is. It'll look "natural."

I feel like a freak when I get my eyebrows done, which is like every other year. This is not going to look "natural" to me one little bit.

I've had big conversations with Kat, who used to dye her hair and who has given it up. I'm thinking, well, I do other things for my appearance. I used to not shave my legs or armpits but becoming a yoga teacher for work encouraged me to just do it - I decided I didn't want to educate people about body hair and I could go either way. I work out. If I stopped working out I'd be overweight so fast. So that's artificial. I participate in my culture in many ways; drive a car, heat my house, all kinds of things that aren't natural, so surely, I could get over having my hair done.

It's not that I think I look that old. I'm just noticing that there's an opportunity to play as a woman that I haven't taken. Like trying high heels last year. Turns out it was fun and I'll do it again! I still don't know what I'm supposed to wear with those shoes, but I think that finding out could be an area for me to stretch and grow in.

So anyways, I've made the appointment and am leaving shortly. Then the same friend who suggested it'd be okay to dye my hair points out this morning that Cyndi Lee recently let her grey out and looks lots older, but that was the point, to be authentic.

I feel like I should lead the way towards natural grey and hold my head up and say it's okay but there's a part of me that feels like I didn't take the chance to play with what I was given, so I'm going to do that first. There's lots of time left to go naturally grey afterwards.

Spring Has Sprung and Easter Eggs

If you blink in Ottawa you'll miss spring. It goes from winter to summer so quickly here. Spring will come back next week, I'm sure but it's been an interesting few days!

Earlier this week I did my first Ukrainian easter egg (pysanky) and I loved it. Remi got into it as well and even though it was really nice out yesterday, we were inside using candles and dye and making easter eggs.

I've always found this time of year interesting as it seems everybody's got some holiday around now, which has got to be a way to honour the new weather or the return of the son, I mean the sun, it's easy to get them mixed up. It just has to. I'm no scholar and there's loads to know about the Comparative Religion side of this time. I'm really just happy it's not freezing out. I'm celebrating, too.

On another note, I heard from my Ukrainian friend that one of their traditions is that around easter a boy brings a girl a whip (like pussy willows) and whips her until she gives him an egg (that she's decorated). Hmm. He pokes her with as stick until she gives him an egg. A sign of the fertility of spring perhaps?

I've made changes to my schedule and I'm nervous about Tuesday, which has been a certain way for over 8 years. It is going ahead as a yoga/meditation class and people are speaking out already - I've got some thumbs up, some thumbs down - and I'm not going to be rigid about it, if you really don't want to do it, we can go back to the old way. It just seemed like a good time to bring in something new. Or make something old new again. We could just resurrect the tradition, which seems to have been hidden in a cave behind a rock for a bit.

Bouncing Back

As you can see in the video, I'm bouncing. That was last night. I've decided that rather than stay on the edges like the other parents at trampoline class, I'll bounce too. So I signed myself and my sister up and we're doing trampoline with my daughter. It hurts like crazy for the next couple of days afterwards but I figure if I keep at it, I won't be so sore. My goal is to do a flip. That's after Level 4. I'm working on Level 2. Whoohoo!

Maybe it's the bouncing, maybe it's Spring almost here (today we've had an arctic blast and it's -20C out), maybe it's the praying, or it's just time finally taking care of things, but I have to say, I'm feeling freed up. One of the measures for me of how I'm feeling is how I'm sleeping and I've gotten back to just sleeping at night, not waking up to toss and turn and think, but nights of all sleep like I used to. That's a sure sign I'm good. I'm also speaking out more as the blog shows, and I'm restoring integrity all over the place in my teaching as well as in my relationships.

This is a longer story but it was only a few weeks ago I was imagining my "samskaras" like a huge mountain valley and me trying to fill it up with dirt and my hands. I'm thinking it's going to take me for-freaking-ever to have transformation. Many, many lifetimes. I have a huge groove in my life, it seems like it's always been there, and it seems like it's always going to be there. I've been noticing, breathing, feeling, meditating, sharing, and doing the things I know to do and today I can say I think it's working. I recognized a feeling in my body I'm trying to get rid of by bringing certain people into my life. And now that I've distinguished it, which I did a few weeks ago, it seems to be dissipating. This has happened with allergies, addictions, other habits, and it seems like it's happening with my worrying mind too. I don't know how else to describe it blog-style. It's an essay or a book.

So now I sleep at night and when I wake up, I'm not thinking about anyone in particular. If anything, I'm noticing that I'm thinking about my life with my daughter and what we're up to and it's not worrisome, it's just there. I know, like the weather, it will change and won't last, but for now, it's a fresh season, I'm refreshed, I'm worn out physically from tons of activity, and it feels great.

Hot Yoga: Substitute for Sex?

As you may be aware, I don't think hot yoga is yoga at all. And I don't have a problem with what it is, I just don't think it's yoga. Yoga wouldn't have us waste resources to practice and see the other post about that. But it hit me the other day what is really going on in the hot room and I'm going to tell you what I think although the title of the post has basically said it all.

Keep in mind this is a generalization and it's food for thought; it's not meant to put down your practice or offend you :)

It seems to me that in our culture we say we're over-sexed based on images in advertising and things teens are texting each other and in that type of messaging, but I would suggest that our culture is majorly under-sexed for real. Who has time to have great sex? Everybody has to work all day, there are duties and hobbies when you get home, and by the time you finally crawl into bed with your lover, you're ready for sleep. Or if sex happens, it may be perfunctory. And I know some of you have awesome sex and go on for hours regularly, but I'm not talking about you.

Our neighbours in Europe and South America knew they had to shut down for lunch and take time to be with their spouses in the middle of the day. When would anyone in our culture simply have the time to luxuriate with another body whose schedule matched? And when it really feels great like around ovulation or fertile times for women, those days may not land on a weekend or a day off.

So given that women, especially I would say, are under-sexed, I would like to look over at who's doing hot yoga. What started out as therapeutic yoga for weight loss and flexibility now has loads of women who recognize a sure thing with a schedule they can be in control of. Because the room is hot, you've got to wear very little to make it through the class. So now we've got a bunch of hot, sweaty women wearing skimpy outfits. (lululemon is the new lingerie...) And on top of it, the hot room invariably has mirrors. Now we're hot women working out, looking at ourselves. We're taking ourselves to the edge physically with gentleness. It's pretty satisfying. And I would say it's somewhat sexually satisfying and that's why we do it. The lucky guys who have figured out what's going on in the hot room will put up with some of the moves we do in there just to soak up the vibes and sit in that space.

And I think it's sort of sad that we don't have the real thing. That we aren't with another body, being embodied, being with ourselves and creating pleasure and community, rather we're continuing the puritanical belief structures some of our ancestors came to this continent with. I think they'd be proud to be honest. We've finally eliminated the need for other people and we're well on the way to total independence.

Working out in the hot room can be a wonderful way to feel good about yourself - after a class you feel warm, you've admired yourself, and there are no complications or conversations - which can enhance your experience and make great sex more likely. My guess is though, that if you're regularly having great sex, the kind your body and spirit know is possible, you won't have much time left for hot yoga, or by the time you are, the yoga studio will be closed for the night.

The App Store; Clean Sheets

I heard today that my app has been submitted to the App Store and is basically ready for sale. Whoohoo! As soon as I'm sure it's final I will blast you with the news and you can go and get your own copy of Jamine's Yoga for your iPod Touch or iPhone.

The thing that has me most excited at this moment though is that my sheets are in the dryer. And that means tonight I'll have clean sheets on my bed. And that, to me, is one of the best feelings in the world - climbing into bed after a bath or a shower that has clean sheets on it. Don't get me wrong - I don't normally have dirty sheets on the bed. It's just that there's something special about that not-slept-in-yet fresh bed feeling. It's the little things sometimes that make me happy.

I'm such a kid sometimes and my priorities are out of whack. Yea, I've got my own yoga app in the app store in a few minutes but tonight I get to slip into fresh sheets - that's exciting :)

And I realize that I'm nervous about it. Clean sheets are easy, but my app in the App Store? I can hardly relate. Open to discussion and critiques and comments and payments? Oh right, people can buy it? Right. That is exciting! So when the app's out, you can get a copy if you've got an iPod Touch or an iPhone.

Transformational Activities

Okay Guys,

Here's a short list of things I recommend when people come asking me what they should do about this or that or just want things to change and be different somehow. And plus, if you're into transformation, you'll just naturally enjoy these things. And if you have more, let me know, because I love spending time doing things that focus on transformation.

And I know, transformation can happen at anytime, anywhere so there's no guarantee, but at least people have tested these and have had results, myself included.

So before you quit your job or end your relationship or spend a whole lot of money doing anything, I would highly recommend you spend three and a half days of your life doing the Landmark Forum. And then I'd recommend you go down the line and do the other courses they have to offer. That is number one.

If, by chance, you have ten whole days in a row to yourself, I would highly recommend you sit in a Vipassana meditation retreat. There's nothing like sitting in silence in your own mental crap that will motivate you to clear some of it out like this retreat will (except maybe the Landmark Forum).

Doing a yoga teacher training where you examine your life and the yoga sutras, would be another thing that would produce results, almost guaranteed. So check for those, but you'll need more like a month off for that type of thing.

In terms of bang for your buck, I'd do the first thing - it's only a weekend. But it's $500. Vipassana is a longer time commitment but not a financial one. Your first course is free, or by donation. Yoga teacher trainings tend to be in the thousands of dollars, so if you've got time and money, that would be fun, plus at the end you get a certificate if you're into collecting things :)

If you want to read something that is transformational, today's recommendation is anything by Anthony de Mello, but especially the book, Awareness. His call to WAKE UP is loud and clear in that book and he doesn't mince words. (This video is what the book says too - I think the book is a transcription of this series.)

Yoga Accessories

I'm so torn about all of this stuff and so here I blog. When I first started doing yoga, we didn't have yoga mats, we had "space." We didn't have special ties, we had "knotted socks." And that sort of suits me. Like if I'm riding my bike around, I don't need fancy clothes, I just get on my bike with whatever I'm already wearing.

So now yoga's all accessorized and I guess that's fun and neat and I have some, but really it all ends up as more clutter at my house. I heard the story from Sam Dworkis of how Iyengar started with the yoga blocks - he needed a prop for someone and basically said something like, "pass me the Bombay phone book," and then all the americans in the room got excited and started measuring and voila, the yoga block was born. lululemon has provided us all with great looking, comfortable special yoga clothes. And each class has its own special twist, but the biggest yoga accessory of all I would say is this hot thing. Bikram must be laughing his head off at how much his yoga gimmick has transformed and created a whole new industry. At his studio in the past, at any rate, there were no special air filtration systems or heaters, he just plugged in space heaters, packed the room and that was the heat. Somewhere in this blog there may be the story of me trying to heat the auditorium at Kripalu for his visit back in '92.

Anyways, it's seeming like it's all getting gimmicky and fun and that's great but we're avoiding the community, the connection, and the simplicity that is inherent in yoga, and instead we're separating, and isolating ourselves and making our practice more complicated by requiring more yoga accessories. Sure, people go to yoga classes and are with people, but there's not much opportunity to really connect. Some classes offer tea afterwards, like the Kundalini classes often do, but most are basically stretching classes, mine included. Yoga used to be something you did at home; now we all go out to do yoga. It's a big deal, it requires a lot of time, special outfits, and I've got to say, in my opinion, that is so not yoga.

Needless to say, after this month, I will not be teaching hot yoga. I'd totally do a work out in a hot room, but I wouldn't call it yoga. I don't think yoga would have us waste resources to practice. Awesome, hot stretching might. But yoga leans towards consciousness, not unconsciousness. It leans to simplicity, not to complication.

And I'm working right now on what to call a Tuesday night class that I'd like to offer that is way more Old School Yoga. One that does some stretching and does a meditation. A class that encourages conversation and has room for that and some teaching on the other aspects of yoga, not just the postures. Stay tuned. An actual yoga/meditation class just might be coming your way if I have mine ;)

Sensations for your Ears

If you know me much, you know I don't really care for hockey. I'll watch it if I have to and I love going to live games just to be with 20,000 people, but really I'm not that into the game. But I just listened to this video, which is commentators announcing the winning goal from this past Olympic hockey game in different languages, and it gave me goose bumps. I could totally feel their excitement and enthusiasm even though I didn't watch the game, I didn't see it on tv and this video doesn't even have pictures. Anyway, this occurred for me like a cleansing sound, something to get me resonating with awe and joy. I hope you enjoy it too!

As a little addendum here, I emailed the guy who did the video right after I posted my blog, I figured that would be the right thing to do and he got straight back to me. Here's what he said:

Re: Thanks for making that video!

Thanks Jamine!

Reading your blog post I feel even more proud of my efforts under a new light and I certainly appreciate you taking the time to let me know. There is a lot of joy and positive excitement being exuded across the globe with the call and this world can certainly use as much as that as it can get.

Would you believe the BBC Broadcaster actually contacted me and thanked me as well? He was proud to be a part of the moment and the compilation and explained how it brought back memories for him to be a special part of the moment. Isn't that so cool?

Thanks again for taking the time to drop a note, it means quite a bit.

Cheers!
James