Friday, March 26, 2010
As you can see in the video, I'm bouncing. That was last night. I've decided that rather than stay on the edges like the other parents at trampoline class, I'll bounce too. So I signed myself and my sister up and we're doing trampoline with my daughter. It hurts like crazy for the next couple of days afterwards but I figure if I keep at it, I won't be so sore. My goal is to do a flip. That's after Level 4. I'm working on Level 2. Whoohoo!
Maybe it's the bouncing, maybe it's Spring almost here (today we've had an arctic blast and it's -20C out), maybe it's the praying, or it's just time finally taking care of things, but I have to say, I'm feeling freed up. One of the measures for me of how I'm feeling is how I'm sleeping and I've gotten back to just sleeping at night, not waking up to toss and turn and think, but nights of all sleep like I used to. That's a sure sign I'm good. I'm also speaking out more as the blog shows, and I'm restoring integrity all over the place in my teaching as well as in my relationships.
This is a longer story but it was only a few weeks ago I was imagining my "samskaras" like a huge mountain valley and me trying to fill it up with dirt and my hands. I'm thinking it's going to take me for-freaking-ever to have transformation. Many, many lifetimes. I have a huge groove in my life, it seems like it's always been there, and it seems like it's always going to be there. I've been noticing, breathing, feeling, meditating, sharing, and doing the things I know to do and today I can say I think it's working. I recognized a feeling in my body I'm trying to get rid of by bringing certain people into my life. And now that I've distinguished it, which I did a few weeks ago, it seems to be dissipating. This has happened with allergies, addictions, other habits, and it seems like it's happening with my worrying mind too. I don't know how else to describe it blog-style. It's an essay or a book.
So now I sleep at night and when I wake up, I'm not thinking about anyone in particular. If anything, I'm noticing that I'm thinking about my life with my daughter and what we're up to and it's not worrisome, it's just there. I know, like the weather, it will change and won't last, but for now, it's a fresh season, I'm refreshed, I'm worn out physically from tons of activity, and it feels great.