Thursday, May 7, 2009

Feeling at Peace

One of the things I'm noticing the most right now after completing the Landmark Forum the other day is that I feel really at peace. At peace in my world, with myself, with what I have and what I don't have, and it's something I'm noticing that I don't want to disturb. I'm savouring it.

Before I went to the Forum, I was struggling with a few things, including relationship stuff as regular readers of this blog are aware! Since coming back, I notice that I'm reluctant to do things that will disturb that peace. It's not that I'm attached to it, it's that I'm noticing that it's there. I'm so used to it not being there, that having that inner calm seems almost precious, and worth protecting. I know it won't last! But I'm just resting in that place right now.

John called and my stomach didn't flutter. I don't jump to read my emails from anyone. I don't want to engage. I'm pulling back and just sitting in my space. I'm totally interacting, don't get me wrong - I haven't withdrawn to a cave or anything - but I can see where my usual habit patterns would have me stir stuff up to get a little action going internally and I'm not doing that.

I like being single. I don't want to change a thing. And I know that will change! But right now, today, I'm at peace and actually happy. Happy with what's here and what's not. Happy with my choices. At peace with myself. Wow. That's something.

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