So I'm sitting here not really watching the second episode of Star Wars, which is really the 18th episode or something, if you're really paying attention. Okay, it's the 5th. It's a lot of Star Wars.
But the Jedi stuff is kind of cool. And in a yoga way, it's kind of yogic. Yoda. Yoga. Hmm. See what I mean? I haven't actually watched enough of this episode to report about the things that are majorly yogic, but I know there are some. I'll watch more and get back to you.
I had a dream the other night that I was levitating. I dream that a lot and it's kind of palpable. Like I can really feel the feeling of levitating and flying. Apparently I do a lot of jerking around in my sleep when this is happening and I assure you, it's not a bad dream I'm having, rather a really cool fantasy of being able to be "jedi-like." Because when I got off the phone this evening and back into the room where Remi was watching Star Wars, there was this part where Yoda was flying and I was having this body memory of flying and levitating and using the Force!
One thing Obi Wan said to someone was about be careful what you think. It's true. What you think about manifests itself. I learned that a long time ago during a meditation retreat when I "got" that thoughts have matter and that what we think about totally makes a difference and although we may feel all private about our thoughts and stuff, those thoughts make a ripple and can cause things to happen. It's a bit Jedi, I know. Anyways. Remi's asleep now and I will be soon. Given the chance to fall asleep before 11, I'll take it unless something really spectacular is happening.
It's Remi's last day of school today and I was thinking about how I could celebrate her and I asked some of the CHEO kids what they thought was even more fun than Midway, and I got, Fun Junction. So that's where I'm going to take her today after school.
When I was growing up I don't remember being celebrated for doing tasks I was expected to do, like pass Grade 3, for instance. But I think that really we don't have enough celebrating around here, so let's go for it, and Remi finishing up school for the year is as good excuse as any, and maybe even a better one if you think about it.
I got some new software. It's exciting because it's supposed to be able to help me do my web site and lay out some of my booklets. It's actually a kick-ass design software program suite.
After deciding which computer was going to get the software, I started to load it only to find out that my new computer, which claimed to have a gig of RAM has only 894 MB. So I'm on hold with HP to find out what the deal is.
Things just seem to take time.
And so today, the Summer Solstice, marks a new beginning. It's the longest day of the year, as you know, and that makes me a bit sad because it means the days get shorter from here on in, which means winter is coming again. And I still have some hats and scarves in the closet. I may as well leave them there because Old Man winter is already on his way back!
The guy just came back on and said he's going to put me on hold for 2 - 4 minutes was that okay. Sure. I've been on hold for only 12 so far. It's not light out anymore. It was still light out just a while ago.
This software has known "issues" with Vista, which is what my new computer is running on. So we'll see how this goes.
Noticing if I wish this moment were different and just breathing into things the way they are knowing they're going to change anyways... --- The update is that I need to buy either more RAM or a new video card. Upgrading my month-old computer. Sheesh, time seems to be going by faster these days...winter will be here anyday...
I'm waiting at CHEO for my class to start. I teach yoga to kids in an Eating Disorders Program here at the hospital.
I don't get a lot of feedback from them about what the yoga does for them. My job is to provide them a safe space to explore themselves and leave the talking to the counselors basically. We do talk, don't get me wrong, just usually not about yoga, but about dating and proms and smoking and "stuff."
I do have an intention with them though. And that's to make sensations available to them in a safe way so they're not overwhelmed. People with disordered eating issues sometimes need to just down to their bodies' messages. I'm encouraging them to gently listen to those messages.
The type of yoga I lead with this group is similar to any group I lead, however, it's slower, and there's more emphasis on listening to the body and it's just generally gentler.
Remi and I finished up our co-teaching of the little kids at the daycare this week. We've been going in after school on Thursdays and "playing yoga" for most of the school year.
Teaching really little kids is pretty hard for a teacher like me. Even though I'm a mom, I find teaching kids difficult. They move around, they don't listen, they're not always motivated...but it has been a real learning for me. When I teach at Remi's school, all of the kids have to do it and it's usually in gym class and it's a big deal and they know how to sit still and can pay attention a bit better, now that they're like, 8. But the 4 and 5 year olds in an optional setting at the day care centre are quite tricky. They let me know if they're enjoying it and if they're not, they abandon the "class" and walk away. I don't usually take it personally.
If I show up on a Wednesday to meet Remi at the bus, the kids see me and say, "are we doing yoga today?" Just seeing me reminds them of yoga. And even though they don't always pay attention and want to do yoga, they have fond memories of yoga. The teachers tell me they talk about it when I'm not there and they say they like it. So maybe one day when they're ready to do yoga, they'll be open to it and have a good association with it.
I remember a long time ago when I was young...I used to think that fitness or yoga was something you could achieve. I didn't really "get" that yoga was something that had to be kept up in order to keep getting the benefits from. I guess after universtity, where there was a lot of achieving, I wasn't used to the idea that you'd have to keep practising. I started yoga while I was in university and then carried on at Kripalu after doing a bit in Asia. I remember Bikram saying that he didn't need to practise yoga anymore because he'd invested so much time doing it. That was a long time ago, so I don't know if he'd be saying the same thing now, but that's what he said 15 years ago.
I heard a joke a while back, "the trouble with vacuuming is every six months you have to do it again." I think about yoga like that. It has to be kept up or we can fall apart. Or like laundry. You have to do it regularly. You don't do your laundry once and then it's all done. It's something that, when kept up, can keep you sane and feeling more comfortable.
It happened. The Capital Yoga site came down. It was acting like it was coming down a couple of weeks ago and then by some fluke it stayed up and it seemed like everything was back to normal. And then it just came down. And now I will rebuild it. Step by step. Learn a new program, find some graphics that work, restore the content, make up some new stuff, and have fun! Because I actually like building websites. I like sitting in front of my computer and I have a couple of computers to choose from too.
This morning it doesn't feel like fun though. I'd rather blog or go for a walk or eat some more breakfast or call my mom. When I come across an obstacle sometimes I wait. If I don't see just how I need to proceed I get distracted and start to avoid the task. But if it's a serious task that must be done I will perservere, "chunk" out the steps and do it. After having a nap and drinking more tea and calling friends with jobs and all sorts of other stalling tactics.
When I was at McGill back in the '80s I had a computer. It was an old Atari that used my TV as a monitor. I even had a modem that used an old phone with a curly cord that jammed into this receiver base to send files back and forth to my parents' place so they could proofread my papers.
At Kripalu in the early '90s I had a computer and email. Anyone remember Genie? I was getting email from my mother and grandmother way back then. The network we used at the 'shram was Macintosh and I was introduced to "hypertext." Cool.
Then at Omega we got the world wide web in color. Whohoo! I actually led workshops for people to learn how to "surf the web." When I left my job I made a manual in html so the new person could just click to find the answers. At one point I remember reflecting how my laptop computer cost more than the car I was driving. I had a desktop computer set up in our trailer and had access to email and movie times in the trailer park.
Once I left the States I even telecommuted from Johannesburg updating Omega's online catalogue. The phone bills were outrageous as you pay for local calls down there. My computer was good but the connections were slow. I was able to email pictures of my new baby at the time to relatives far, far away.
I've always been wired up to the internet it seems. So it's logical that I'd want a web site even if it's not doing much. Capital yoga didn't sell anything. It was just a place for me to post stuff and advertise my classes and workshops. A place to tell my story. Guess I'd better get back to taking care of it...
And it's not accessible. I keep waiting, breathing, hoping it will come back up soon so I can work on it, and it's still down. I click, wait, fire off a message, a plea for help, and I guess I'll wait some more. At this point I'm not even avoiding the task! Alas I wait...
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And while I wait, I found this page and I'm reading it. Seems weird to have the biographies of great women teachers and saints right next to a flashing ad "the fart button - press here - you know you want to." I hope you don't wind up with that ad if you go to the page!
There's a lot on my mind and a lot I could write about. That's usually the case, come to think about it. I could write about attachment and how sweet it was when my daughter accidentally deleted all of her dogs on Nintendogs for her DS. I honestly don't think I've ever seen her soooo sad. Grieving the loss of her virtual pets. Very, very sad. She came around and the next day the loss didn't seem so bad. By yesterday she was even grateful because she learned something about her machine and how she could make new pets and get rid of them when she wanted to.
I could write about non-attachment some more and how we're all excited about the Sens and see if we can be happy that they're in the playoffs and not let the fact that they've lost two games take away from the enjoyment.
I'm also thinking about food and how I've gone all unconscious about eating and how I'm glad I wear a lot of spandex because that way my clothes don't care, but my other clothes have gotten a lot smaller so now I'm back on a conscious eating program and am encouraged. Company is stronger than will power!
But after reading Megan's blog again, she mentioned lip balm and I realize that that's my topic for today. I went to my coach, Joyce Hardman's, yoga class this morning at Metta Massage & Yoga Clinic, and afterwards I went to the Pharmasave, which is right downstairs. I wanted to get some of my favourite lip balm from Bonne Bell. I looked at Shoppers last week and couldn't find any, which totally surprised me. As a yoga teacher, I talk a lot for an hour and a half and I don't like to reapply lip balm during the class if I can help it, and I also don't like to have that cakey, gummy, whitish line on my bottom lip either. Hence, the Bonne Bell stick. It's hard for me to keep track of them and they aren't always where I need them, as a result, I've resorted to other lip balms that are lying around that I either received as stocking stuffers or bought in the hopes of topping the Bonne Bell. The last one I bought by mistake was a Nivea stick that I thought of returning because it was so bad. I kept it around as a last resort and used it this morning while I took a class and promised myself I'd treat myself to some new lip balm after class.
So that's what I got. A new Bonne Bell lip balm. They don't have my old shiney favourites that were around when Remi first started getting into it 6 years ago. But they've replaced it with others that seem to do okay.
When I'm teaching a class I've got enough going on in the room - people, poses, lighting, music, fan - that I don't need to be worrying about my lip balm as well. But it's comforting to have it on and if it's not right it feels funny and can actually distract me while I'm teaching. So I've become attached to lip balm.
One of the ingredients in most lip balms is something hydrogenated and I wonder if that's probably not a good thing, and I suppose I probably eat a lot of lip balm over the course of a month, but it feels good. I hope I'm practising ahimsa wearing lip balm and I'm not doing damage to my arteries, but I'm not really sure. I've asked a couple of people about the trans fats in lip balm and noone seems to know or to care really, for that matter.
So here's my new lip balm. It felt great during my lunch class at BTI. Held up. Felt comforting. That's what I want in a lip balm...
I teach a Beginning Yoga class on Tuesdays and Fridays and we call it "beginner" but it's a bit of a trick. It's really for anyone. The people who are more intermediate or advanced know that. So to welcome beginners it's called "beginner yoga" and I think it does the trick.
Anyone can do yoga. If someone tells me they can't, I tend to get a bit argumentative and it's hard for me to not get excited. I'll keep working on that...
So I get to the starting line this morning and meet up with Remi and she's not wearing her Crocs! I said, "I'm wearing mine because you said you were wearing yours!" But her dad talked her into wearing sensible running shoes for our 2K race. So there I was, running in Crocs. As it turns out, it was raining enough that there were big puddles and I didn't mind that I was in rubber shoes with no socks on. And I don't believe I was the only participant wearing rubber clogs in the race. Mind you I may have been the only adult doing it, but still, I didn't feel that bad about it.
So I'm wondering if I should support Remi and run in my Crocs too? We double checked when we picked up our race kit that we'd be able to attach the counter thingee to her Crocs. Sure enough, it won't be a problem as we'll just attach the plastic piece through the holes in the Crocs. That way we'll be fine rain or shine!
Tomorrow I'll be running with my daugther in the Family 2K Run/Walk. It starts at 11 and my Intermediate class finishes at 10:30. Hopefully it won't be raining and I'll be able to whip up on my bike and meet her at the starting line...
So the site is back up and will be up for a bit. I'll need to upgrade mambo or find another program to use and then get a new template. Not a bad idea! So there will be some changes coming up to the site.
In the meantime I'm teaching yoga today at CHEO to some kids there and here's a video you may enjoy of Remi (my daughter) at her violin recital on Saturday.
My capitalyoga.com site came down last night at 9 pm. Now I've got to switch from yoga teacher mode to web mistress mode. I love being a web mistress, don't get me wrong, but this was not how I had planned to spend my time! My friend who's helping me with my site is still asleep in California so I'm waiting for him to get up and give me a few key pieces of information I need to get the new site going...
Non-violence is a funny word. People who are really into non-violence don't like it much because to say "not violent" is not quite the point. It's peaceful or friendly, kind, easy-going, harmless, things like that.
So in yoga, non-violence includes not hurting other people physically. It extends to not even thinking bad stuff about other people (or teams, as the case may be). It also means not hurting yourself in your yoga practice by overdoing it or by judging yourself negatively.
I heard someone once say that if you're conscious you won't do harmful things to yourself. If you're conscious you won't overdo things that would lead to pain, again, whether in thought or in action.
By practising the yamas and niymas (see the side bar), we become more conscious. When we're more conscious our energy is freed up and can flow and we have more presence - we're more aware and less reactive.
I'm going to practise ahimsa tomorrow when I'm watching hockey. I'm going to have my preference for a Sens win, but not be attached to the outcome. I'm going to practise ahimsa tomorrow when to go to my daughter's violin recital and sit with her father even though I can't say we're really getting along, and enjoy and celebrate her accomplishments. Ahimsa's a tricky one because it's everywhere and there are so many opportunities to practise...
If you've been to one of my yoga classes you may have heard me refer to a move otherwise known as "hip circles" as "like you're standing inside a giant jar of peanut butter, scraping out the sides." And it's funny because I can remember the first time I heard it and it still seems to do the trick.
At the time I heard it, Yoganand was a "renunciate" and was wearing orange robes at the front of the class of SLTs (spiritual lifestyle trainees). I took him pretty seriously and when he said that about the hip circles I cracked up. Years later we were across the hall from each other in yoga training in India and weren't as serious but I'll never forget that day.
One time recently I was teaching a private lesson with someone and trying to describe to her how to get the hip circles going and it seems she wasn't getting the hang of it. So I suggested that she imagine that she was standing inside a giant jar of peanut butter, scraping out the sides and then she totally got it.
When I teach kids I don't use the peanut butter reference because many of them don't get it. My daughter won't eat peanut butter on principle - it's dangerous and can kill people. The Costco purchase of a big jar of organic peanut butter is going to last for years at my house at the rate it's going...
I haven't been a hockey watcher in years. I started watching a few months ago just because...and it's been fun. I've gone to a couple of live games at the Scotiabank Place (one regular season, one playoffs) and it's been an interesting practice for me of participating in our culture here while at the same time having my yoga filters on.
Like going to live games - I noticed the energy of the crowd - so much prana in the room! And having everybody focus on one thing - the concentration is palpable. Watching the patterns of people during the intermissions and practising patience getting out of the parking lot - just some of what I thought about while I was at the games.
Now that we're into the next round of the playoffs I'm having a chance to practise non-attachment. I've gotten attached to the idea of the Sens winning and I notice while the game's on the oohs and ahhs that the crowd makes and I'm feeling the same way (when the game's in Ottawa like it is tonight). I want them to win!
But when I find myself in a bar turning on the siren light when we win a goal, I feel a huge amount of culture shock. This hockey season is fun but it's not really my scene. I'm enjoying it and I can see why it's so popular, but if this was my last season of hockey and I couldn't go to another game, I guess that would be okay. I'm not really attached to hockey, but I think I'm probably pretty attached (no matter how hard I try) to someone who is attached to hockey. Attachment by association perhaps?
I'm reading through some of the final exams right now for the yoga teacher training, which is completing this weekend and one of the papers mentioned Sitali pranayama and it made me think of something practical you can do with that breathing technique.
I went to le Nordik last weekend, happily escorting 3 women who had never been yet. It's fun to take people who have never been because it can leave a really big impression. They'll be thinking of you forever :) Anyways, one of the things to do at the spa is to be in the steam room for a while. It gets hot in there and it can make it hard to breathe. So what you can do when it gets too hot is to use this cooling breath. You inhale through your curled tongue and exhale through your nose. If you can't curl your tongue, inhale through the sides of your mouth so you sound like the Sens' coach, and exhale through your nose. It cools you off!
If you're too hot, you should get out of there before you pass out, but if you think you could last just a little bit longer and want to really be able to stand under the cold water fall, then try this breath!
If you've ever been to one of my yoga classes there's a good chance you've heard me say something like, (and this is going to be hard because I'm going to try and imitate myself here), "Your body is like a car or your house. And you're in it." Or I've said, "have you ever been on a site and your cursor has a tail on it of sparkly things? Well your prana is like that." And even reading it now I don't think it's that crazy but today I heard myself talking during a class and honestly, I crack myself up.
I want people to get yoga. It's so useful. For health, for mental stability, for problem solving, for relationship building. So I'll say lots of things in different ways to try and explain how I understand yoga. And sometimes I think I make sense. And other times I realize that people aren't paying attention to me anyways. That's going on a lot of the time, I know, but at least if I were caught talking I'd like it to make sense.
To be honest, I'm not even sure what I said. But I know I was going out on a limb. I want to reach the people in my class so they can know yoga is so much more than getting a good stretch!
I want to bring yoga out of the ethers and the puffs of incense and lay it at the foot of your bed or on your kitchen table. Put it in your ipod. Send it to you in an email. Yoga's current. It's now. It's not some old, dead philosophy. It's alive!
I had a dream the other night that I was levitating. I dream that a lot and it's kind of palpable. Like I can really feel the feeling of levitating and flying. Apparently I do a lot of jerking around in my sleep when this is happening and I assure you, it's not a bad dream I'm having, rather a really cool fantasy of being able to be "jedi-like." Because when I got off the phone this evening and back into the room where Remi was watching Star Wars, there was this part where Yoda was flying and I was having this body memory of flying and levitating and using the Force!
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