Thursday, January 21, 2010
Outside My Comfort Zone
I'm feeling a bit outside my comfort zone and I think it's a good thing. I posted that earlier today on my Facebook status and a bunch of people "liked" it, gave me their thumbs up, and without knowing any of the details I figure that's a vote of confidence.
I'm still processing a lot of this Caroline Myss stuff. She said we go around asking for guidance and then we ignore it when it comes. A while back I wrote a bit about what I call my "Gurubelle," like my higher self voice. I first heard this clear voice when I was about 24 while I was living at Kripalu. I could tell you all about it and maybe one day I will, but just know that after it told me that it was there and what I should/could do in my life, I promptly told it to shut up and leave me alone. And the higher self voice went away.
And then it came back by me sort of asking if it was still there and it said it was. Never left. The thing was that if I wanted this sort of presence to remain in my life I was going to have to let go a bit. I didn't want to do that. I was a mother, I had responsibilities and what if this little mission Gurubelle was going to send me on made me drop everything and walk to California or something crazy. Gurubelle wouldn't make any promises that that wouldn't happen. "No deal," I said. "Forget it."
After the year I had last year, I figured might be a good time to see if that voice was still around, still willing to guide me. "Yep, still here." Hmmm. The guidance I get leads me to different resources and opportunities. It resonates with what Caroline Myss says that started today's topic. It encourages me to work on alternative projects, to take trips, do things differently and that takes me outside of what I normally do. The guidance encourages me to spend money in different ways, to listen to my gut, to notice where I'm not present. It has me use the tools I've gotten from yoga, meditation, Landmark, and put them to use.
So I feel a bit wobbly as I take a step out. I also feel quite confident and excited, but the part of me that loves being comfortable with my reasons for being the way that I am and the part of me that likes things to stay the way they are, clinging to my past stories and hurts and my symbolic safety blanket, is feeling really sleepy.