Friday, September 19, 2008

Good-bye to the Echo

In a few minutes the Echo's new driver is going to come and take it out of my parking place and drive away. I'm actually keeping it insured for him for a couple of days with my plates on until Toyota Financing can get their paperwork straightened out. I discovered that when you want to buy a car from them, they do things super-fast and paperwork takes no time at all, but in this case, it can take a week. Hmmm.

Anyways, something funny happened on Facebook the other day. I had put my status down as, Jamine is "going to have one less car tomorrow" and someone who I know is an environmental guy commented and wrote, "good for you," or something like that. I laughed. What a spin! I think he thought I'm reducing my carbon footprint and being more environmentally conscious. Ooops. If you've been reading my blog you'll know I ended up with 2 cars because I bought an extra car completely on impulse (although entirely premeditated). "Ooops, I have an extra car, now what?" And I'm not keeping the Echo, I'm getting a bigger, heavier car. After last winter when I actually lost a few bucks because I couldn't get to teach a class because I couldn't get my car out of the driveway, I figured heavier may be the way to go. I live in a wintery climate, non?

When I bought the Echo I had just started working at lululemon full time and I needed a car that would be so reliable because I had to make it across town to pick Remi up at the bus. When I started there I was committed to parenting the way I wanted to, which included being with her after school, so I ended early some days so I could get to the bus on time. And that car always made it.

I also bought that car when I was living in "survival mode." I just always did the most basic option and to do anything above was a stretch. I know on the Echo I added a painted bumper and the central lock thingee and I was like, "I'm going to pay an extra 10 bucks a month for that?" And I did.

It took a while for me to really get that I could be a single mom and take care of myself and my daughter without outside help. I wasn't sure that I could do it for the longest time. It took a while before I could relax and know that I had enough and was okay. I bought her new clothes but I didn't buy anything for myself. We still don't have cable TV (or a dishwasher for that matter). I would read articles about how people could save money by doing things like not buying coffees out. I always drank coffee at home. Going to Starbucks and wasting 4 bucks seemed like just that, a waste. So I realized I was already doing those things to save money and I got a bit scared. I was already living so close to the edge. I didn't have a buffer. What if I got sick? What if I didn't have a steady job or enough yoga classes?

As you're aware, it has all turned out. I still get a bit scared and reading about the economy collapsing brings that up too. But what I have now is faith in myself. Faith that I'll figure it out. Faith that I can work enough to have what I need and more. I am strong and can take care of myself and my little family!

So saying good-bye to the Echo for me is not about getting a new car. It's about saying good-bye to a way of life that had me living so much from a place of fear and needing to survive. It's letting go of old patterns and stretching into new places. Living a life of thriving and freedom. That's what I had wrapped up in that Echo and I'm letting it go. (He's on his way over and I'm giving him the keys!)

1 comment:

Lia Marie said...

I love this post. I'm a fairly newly single mom and I totally understand what you are talking about. The most difficult thing to master is our own fear. Good for you for doing it!