Christmas time is hard for so many people and having "break downs" around this time are predictable. So while I was at CHEO yesterday (I teach yoga in the eating disorders program) and I saw someone who had graduated from the inpatient program (too sick to go home) to the day program (living at home but come to the hospital to do program and school work) but was back on the inpatient side I did a double-take. "Wait a second, you were in the day program, what are you doing on the inpatient side," was what I thought in my head and then it occurred to me, "it's Christmastime."
During my two minute break between classes I checked in with my former husband about picking Remi up and some other stuff and he was just losing it on the phone. I took a breath and reminded myself, "it's Christmas." I know it's not personal at the moment. Everybody's having a hard time.
When I got upstairs to do the inpatients group right after my little break, I got another surprise of two former eating disorder program graduates who had wound up right back where they started, although one of them said she knew she'd just be there temporarily. "For a tune up," I suggested.
Some weeks ago the hospital called me to tell me they probably wouldn't be needing yoga classes on Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve this year - things were pretty quiet and most of the kids would be going home for the holidays. As we agreed yesterday, I'll be back on Wednesday seeing as how when we made that decision, things were different. We didn't know who would wind up being back in the program, needing some support.
As for me, I just know now that things are going to be tougher. There's just more turbulence right now, but the plane's still going on its trip. Or the waves are choppier, or however you want to look at it. But I'm aware that it's happening and it really makes it much more okay. Plus, nothing was going to be as bad as this past November was and I'm over that now, so bring on the Christmas holidays! Bring on family, bring on siblings! Bring on in-laws and former spouses! I'm totally ready. I've got my breath, I've got my witness consciousness, and I think I might have some Bailey's around here someplace...