Monday, February 4, 2008

Cleaning up Messes

I just got back from my very inspiring, extra-transformational weekend in New York City. It was the 4th weekend in my Landmark Education Introduction Leaders Program. Wow. I get so much out of those weekends.

You know when you think you've taken care of something, said sorry, and then it's all better and you think it's done and you're finished cleaning up and maybe for good? Then you find out that you've got more to clean up and you realize you're probably going to forever be in a state of cleaning up? I got that even more this weekend. I've known before of course, but I was making calls to my mom especially this weekend to clean up how I've been with her even recently.

Like in yoga. If someone told me they did yoga last year, that would be great. But it would be kind of like someone saying they went to the bathroom last year. It needs to be a regular process. Like cleaning up your house. It's not like you clean up one day and then it's done. The dishes get dirty again, the floor needs to be mopped and vacuumed again. And again. And again and it's like that.

Sometimes I get the impression in my relationship with my mother for instance that I'm done. And that's the wrong impression! Tending that relationship is an ongoing process and when I give up it goes to pot!

The girls in my CHEO class were talking with me about that this afternoon. They've learned they need to clean up messes and that once they've cleaned up a bit it gets easier because now they have the dishrag in their hand. Cool! I'm amazed at these girls and how much they're growing and healing in their program here in the Eating Disorders unit. We've all got to be cleaning up regularly...

So I'm all clean with my mom today. It will need to be cleaned up again in the future for sure. And with other people too. I'm not perfect and I've got garbage that builds up that needs to be put out. We talked this weekend in the workshop I was at about integrity and how its natural state is to be going out. Like once you've got your integrity straight, it starts to go away and you need to be putting back, restoring it, regularly.

Yoga and meditation can help us restore our integrity. At some point we're going to need to deal with the people in our lives straight on and not in our heads in our own minds. But out there in those real relationships we have. And that's why I say in my classes that it doesn't matter how long you can keep your arms up overhead - can you keep your cool at the dinner table or in the parking lot? That has a greater impact in my life, in my friends' lives (because I'm not reacting all the time or I do it and admit I've done it) and with everyone I come in contact with.

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