Seed Protocol

I'm doing a "seed protocol" to manage my hormones and try and shrink the fibroid tumour that's being scheduled to be surgically removed at the end of the summer or beginning of fall (the earliest appointment available basically). Thanks to the visit to the natural doctor (made possible by the boost from the YTT graduates), I am on a regimen of seeds, tinctures, herbs, and dietary changes that accompany the plan.

I think it's working!

I'm taking flaxseed and pumpkin seeds now and in a week I'll switch to sunflower and sesame seeds.

I don't know if it's really working or not but in the past 10 days I haven't had any pain and I feel pretty good! I want to try everything I can before having a significant organ of mine removed.

Girls and Boys Yoga

Today I led yoga to two very special and at first, seemingly different, groups. One was my morning group at CHEO (our regional children's hospital), where I lead yoga to people who are inpatients in an eating disorders program. That group tends to mainly be girls.

I also led yoga to a group of kids in a special school where kids go who've been expelled or suspended. That group tends to mainly be boys.

At first it may seem like they are really different groups with really different needs. The girls tend to be doing well in school and are often trying to please people. The boys tend to not be doing so well in school and don't seem to care what others care at all. But I see a lot more in common than different.

Both groups exhibit behavioural problems, which is why they end up where I meet them. Both ultimately need attention and love. They both are dealing with fear and anxiety and how to fit in. Both are uncomfortable in their bodies. They may seem like they're on opposite ends of a spectrum, but that's exactly where they meet.

It made for a challenging day, as these groups aren't always easy to lead, especially when people don't want to be in class unlike at a regular yoga studio, but it was very rewarding to see them take a few minutes to relax and let go even though those minutes seemed so short to me...

This is not a blog about Fibroids

This is not a blog about fibroids, but it might be for a little while.

The yoga teacher training group graduated yesterday afternoon. The ceremony was touching, the flowers were gorgeous, and everyone seemed so genuinely happy. The new teachers shared, the guests shared, it was just about the best part of my job. And then I got home and opened a card from the class. I dropped it on the floor and burst into tears.

They'd raised some money for me.

I should have had a clue when I read the little card at the yoga centre. "Get well. Hope you feel better soon. Etc." "But I'm not sick! Hmm. They must have been reading my blog." I was warned to open the big card in private. That was a good thing.

I know I'm still in denial when I consider my reactions. But this morning I woke up fortified and ready to take on Project Shrink Giant Fibroid (and Avoid Surgery). Maybe I'll come up with a better name for it, but for now that's what it will be.

Any hesitations I've had to contacting a natural doctor have been lifted and I already put in a call to one this morning. I've researched natural solutions on the internet and may download an inexpensive ebook on the subject. I won't be afraid to buy supplements. And if I need to do the shots to block my period, I'll have some help paying for that process. So the money already has helped.

I feel all of a sudden super-supported. Not that I was feeling unsupported before, but now I feel really powered by goodwill and the reality that I've been charged with the task of healing my body. Thanks to everybody who's sent me their good wishes - either in person or comments on my blog or even just the positive thoughts. It has made a difference and I'm grateful.

Saw the Doctor

If you're just joining me, this post is a continuation of the situation that I described here. I'll jump to the end and back up. I'm going to be scheduled for a hysterectomy late summer, early fall, as soon as they have an appointment.

WTF? Seriously? Me? And I'm supposed to take medication to shrink the fibroid tumour for a minimum of 3 months beforehand. The medication costs just over $500 per month. (I don't have that kind of insurance, so please buy all of my apps and get DVDs for your friends!)

I am still in shock and don't really believe it. Surely it's not that serious and can be handled with herbs and other medications and exercises - maybe there's a yoga pose that will shrink the tumour so I can keep my uterus! I'll visualize the fibroid getting smaller. I'll pray better. And I'll keep the appointment for now.

If I'd had insurance, he would have started me on the period-blocking drug right away. I lose too much iron each month and the drug would put me into menopause right away and help shrink the tumour so it'll come out easier during the operation. He said, "you're 44 and are probably done having kids. If you were 42 or younger we'd do another operation, which is more difficult but we'd try to save your uterus." He's probably right but I'm still surprised that I won't have more kids, nurse another baby and all that. I also am not ready to all of a sudden not have another period.

Having a period is what I identify with as part of being a fertile woman. And we're just going to turn it off and move into a new phase of life just like that? I'm confused. I want more information. I don't want to do it.

I've never had an operation. Never stayed in a hospital. My daughter was a home birth for goodness sake, I'm not about to waltz into an operating room and get a general anesthetic. When (and if) I go, I'll be ready and educated and grateful. Right now I'm not.

He said I need to take the period blocker for 3 months so I have enough energy and iron to make it. Continuing to have the kind of periods I have now will weaken me (totally true) and make the surgery unsafe.

I welcome your stories, suggestions, prayers, understanding during this time...I'm scared and sad and realistic. He placed my hand on my abdomen and showed me clearly where it is - I can feel it for sure with my hand on the outside - and I'm too young to not do anything about it. If I were older and closer to menopause it would likely shrink on its own. Big breath. Here we go...