We're Back

The Mother Daughter Yoga workshop at Omega went really well. I think. The feedback I've received has also only been good (if there are other kinds I haven't received it) and we enjoyed it. We'll do it again next year. Or maybe even earlier. The stuff that happened was amazing.

One of the best things for me about the workshop was what happened for me and Remi and how we got to spend time together and be with each other. I'm sure it was like that for other mother-daughter pairs as well. The yoga was interesting, but the real value was in the opportunity to do something physical, that connected us to each other, as well as spiritual, which got us into our real feeling bodies, and the appreciation that we got during an exercise designed to give good acknowledgement. I think it worked.

On the way home she let me hold her hand a bit. Any parent of an older child may relate to how it feels to have your once-affectionate kid get affectionate with others and not with us anymore and to have that return, even in the context of a workshop where it's an exercise to do an assisted relaxation or just a moment in the car - it's totally worth it.

So much has happened. So much new insight. Old insight. Old friends. New people.

And then there was getting home. I made wicked-time on the drive home only to get to my landline's voicemail and see that my doctor's office had called. The message was for me to call them back because they wanted to set up an appointment with me. With me? They never do that. I recently had a baseline mammogram and a pap smear, plus some blood work the other day. The blood work was so recent, it couldn't be about that. It had to be about the cancer that I had. So I had all night to not sleep about that before my teacher training started this morning. Not to mention just some of the last-minute arrangements, let's call them, for the yoga teacher training, which kept me on the phone for much longer than I was expecting.

I'll have you rest at ease with me tonight knowing that it's not cancer or AIDS or anything like that. There's something about my iron they want to talk to me about. It's not urgent. Phew. Remi's gone to my mom's to wait for the new puppies to be born. I think I'm going to sleep much better tonight.

New Distraction

So for the past week I've had a new distraction. If you missed it, I posted something that became newsworthy and that provided me a bunch of opportunities to interact with people in a different way than usual. It had refreshing and fun aspects, as well, it had worrisome and concerning aspects, too.

After watching that topic spin a bit, I have just been standing back pretty much and just watching it go. Sort of like spinning a top and then waiting for it to slow down and tip over.

My mind is usually full of ideas and thoughts and plans and worries and the usual. And for the past week it has had those thoughts but it's had to make room for these other things, too. (What happens if I talk to the media? Should I? What's the impact?) There's a saying we have sometimes and that's "a change is as good as a rest." And this week I have to say that's been true! Having other thoughts occupy my mind has been refreshing - it has gotten me away from my normal train of thought.

There really isn't a fight going on with my neighbours so there was nothing I really needed to say that would need a microphone. I am concerned about how we raise our children and the messages we give them. I am concerned about the resources given to the people charged with raising kids in our societies and how limited they are. I am interested in communities and how we share our space. And I'm very interested with freedom of individuals in their lives and allowing people to express themselves fully, especially when they're not harming anyone.

I'm reminded that women haven't had rights for that long. I'm reminded that some people in our society are given more rights than others. I try not to bump up against the edges of the boxes we've put ourselves in here but sometimes I do and I get surprised. I get surprised by what we say is okay and what isn't. My personal values are not reflected in our culture's rules in a number of areas and once in awhile I'm surprised and offended. It's uncomfortable when that happens and it makes me want to speak out. And sometimes I do.

Stepping to the Right of the Left Side

Without going into too many wah-wah details of why I feel like I'm in a difficult position at the moment, just know I have been feeling a bit put on by the universe (so victim-like of me) and I even had my Facebook status read this morning, "Jamine has been enrolled in a mandatory training program in non-attachment," or something like that. I'm having to practise non-attachment in an area of my life that's important to me. Practising non-attachment in areas that are not important to me is easy - it's the areas that matter to me that make it challenging.

And because I've been enrolled by the universe in this training program, I'm currently interested in methods of letting go. I remember the "trying to let go" of a pen exercise in the Landmark Forum. To get it, pick up a pen and try to let it go. The only way to let it go is to just let go of it. Duh. Not so easy though in other areas. So I'm trying to let go. It's embarrassing, to be honest. Watch yourself try to let go of a pen and you'll get the idea. It's awkward and silly. It's much more graceful to just let go. However, that's not how I'm doing it at the moment.

This morning during my meditation I got some insight into another method that may already be obvious to many of you and again, forgive me if I'm slow in places you'd expect a yoga teacher to have mastery in. So yesterday I was at the TEDxOttawa talks, which are basically mainly live presentations a la TED. They are "ideas worth spreading." One of the non-live presentations was a repeat of something I'd seen more than once before, and that's Jill Bolte Taylor's story of watching herself have a stroke. I'll post the video here so you can see the whole thing, but one piece of her message is that the left side of the brain handles worry and memories and the right side of the brain puts us in the moment. There's loads more, so watch the video.

The part that got me really interested this morning was the idea of stepping to the right of the left side of the brain. Just step out of the left and into the right. So I tried that. And this morning, for me, at this time, it worked. I don't know how it will go later. Things just let go automatically. And it's not even that they let go, there was no action or anything really.

So for me, the new distinction is rather than letting something go, just move into a new space and different things will occur as important. I'm still working on it. But I thought I'd share it as it is :)

So Quiet in Here (More Free Parking)

I'm thinking of that Van Morrison song (So Quiet in Here) and how now things feel quieter in my head. To me that song is about being in a peaceful place, which is where I still am today. I still cried for a few seconds, but when things are good I do that pretty much everyday anyways. When an ambulance goes by and people pull over, when I see someone help someone else, something on TV, when something moves me, today it was an Alanis song on the radio. So I'm good. (By the way, her brother is an awesome yoga teacher. Check him out when he's back in town in July.)



In fact, I'm able to report that what's on my mind is parking in and around my street. It's been a pet peeve of mine for sometime how cars outside my house will be ticketed everyday before 11:30 am in a 1-hour parking zone, however, just around the corner at Rideau and Dalhousie right in front of Besserer, cars will be parked in the no stopping zone at 4:30 when I'm trying to get to yoga. I've even seen people feed the meter at that hour - in the no stopping zone. You know I've called the city to report it. More than once. They promise me by-law doesn't have a set schedule but observation tells me that they have a regular routine and my guys finish at 3 or something.

Anyway, yesterday someone on my street cleverly took a no parking sign with arrows on it near the corner of the intersection and taped over one of the arrows. What do you think is going on now? People are parking on both sides of the street and it's hard to get in and out of my street. I wonder how long it will take until by-law sees that it's duct tape over the sign. I've got to go out and get a picture to show you. Living in the city. Hmpf. I admire it when people take interesting steps to get what they want, I do.

Maybe it's because I've finally come down with a cold including headache, runny eyes, cough and I guess a bad mood, that I'm being picky.

Car Shopping

Yesterday I went back to the Toyota dealer and took in John's car for appraisal to see if he could get anything close to what he'd like for it as a trade in, as he's trying to sell it anyways (it's a Ford Taurus in case you are in the market for a used car). The answer is he'd get not enough to make a difference either way so we figured we wouldn't try to factor that in to the purchase of a new car.

Then we drove a manual Yaris, the one I'd "bought" the other day but hadn't driven, and I didn't like it. John thought it was okay, but I just didn't feel good in it. Then we drove a Matrix for the hell of it and that was okay but the thing I really liked about it was the sun roof. If you've read this blog for a while, you will know I drove a car with a sun roof (after discovering the sun roof some time into my ownership of the car) and I really liked that. Then we drove a Yaris hatchback, which I actually liked better than the sedan. But it wasn't great and I had wanted to drive an automatic car - my leg was so sore after my drive back from Toronto last week - and I thought maybe it was time to go for an automatic - but they didn't have one on the lot.

We were just about to leave the shop when we took another look at the Matrix and were discussing how it was more comfortable and more grown-up and fun to drive and the sales guy said, "if you're willing to pay that much for the Matrix, why don't you check out MY car? It's a RAV4." We thought, why not, and took it for a drive. Wow. That was a car we fell in love with. It was automatic, had a sun roof, was high up (we're short so that was kind of cool to feel tall), and it was just an awesome car. And then we said we'd think about it and left the dealership.

I mean a RAV4? For me as a yoga teacher? For me as a mom driving around and going to the States on trips and going to Montreal for classes and as someone who lives in the long winters of Ottawa, a RAV4 might make sense. But most of my car use is around town just getting to classes and back. And the main thing is the price difference. The payments on the guy's lease would be almost double the Yaris payment.

I spoke to Nina in TO about her RAV4 and she had similar questions about it for herself, having been an Echo driver as well, and she said her husband really researched it and felt the RAV4 was best for their family's needs right now. After class I spoke to a couple of women who are really into their cars and love driving cars that are fun to drive. Deb has both a convertible Miata and a Volvo. So she was totally supportive of me just driving a car because it's fun - plus it's good in winter, has side airbags in the back for my kid and other passengers, etc.

Then I talk to John and he's like, "why don't you sell your car and use mine?" It's not like we haven't discussed that option. I just didn't want to drive a 6-cylinder monster of a car that older people would drive. I mean my grandmother drove a Taurus some years ago. But it makes sense.

It was so fun to sit in a car that we both loved and could see ourselves in. And yoga is about thriving after all, not just surviving. And if I thought I could think about those car payments and relax, I would probably get the RAV4. But that sense of relaxation just isn't coming at the moment. Maybe that's me living small and just sticking with what I know and being comfortable, but for now, it makes my brain go quiet and peaceful to not imagine the leap it would be to drive a sparkly, tinted-windowed, sunroofed, rustproofed, beautiful, big car.