Meditation Retreat over Hallowe'en

I get to go on a meditation retreat this weekend and I'm getting excited. Having been to meditation retreats in the past I think it's funny that I'm excited about going to sit for hours at a time and be uncomfortable and faced with my mind and body for a couple of days. Normally, I wouldn't describe meditation retreats as fun but to me they really are. This one is going to be a little different because I'm going back down to Omega where I get to take advantage of my friends and get in for nothing but as I was informed yesterday, I need to sit in the back and keep the good seats for the paying customers. Ha!

This retreat also falls over Hallowe'en and that leaves me to wonder how the retreat is going to handle that! When Halloween falls on a night that I'm teaching yoga, I wear my costume to teach. I figure this shouldn't be any different so I'm bringing my princess costume. I'll sit in the back, alright. I'll sit in the back dressed as a vampire princess.


One year I had glue-on nails as part of my costume and I had to lead a regular class as well as Partner Yoga. Other people came in costumes too and it was fun, however, part of my costume was these nails. And the glue had dried and there was so much pressure on each fingernail like they were each being pulled off. The only way to get them off was to soak my hands for 15 minutes in warm water, which was clearly going to happen only when the class was finished. So I led the class in major discomfort and as soon as it was over I put my hands in a sink of warm water. Those memories are so clear that years later I can recall the sensations in my hands.

Ancient Teachings

I just listened to Spark podcast 89 here and I'm impressed. I've always loved the show, and I think Nora Young is amazing, but it turns out she's a yoga teacher too! Did not know! So listen to the podcast to hear her lead a little pranayama and have a conversation about how the west has taken ancient teachings and tried to patent them and how India and other ancient cultures are correcting the situation.

Begin Again

And so it goes. We begin again. Tonight the yoga teacher training program at Rama Lotus begins again, well this one is beginning for the first time really. The yoga teacher training has become such a big part of my life and involves all aspects of it, even my daughter's schedule is impacted as approximately every other weekend there's some YTT going on.

I welcome the YTT in my life and love being a part of the team that delivers it. I maintain that it doesn't really matter who your teacher is, if you're put in front of the teachings of yoga and there's space for you to explore, you'll get it. And every year, people get it.

A community is born tonight that will be together until next spring. It's probably the program that has the biggest "community" feel of any I've had outside of a retreat centre setting. It's a whole new group and yet there will be similarities to other groups in the past. There will be varying degrees of wanting to be in the room, there will be different backgrounds and intentions for taking the course. There will be people who will feel at home, others who will be triggered, and those people will likely trade places during the weeks of the course.

The people who tend to come to a yoga teacher training are a special sort. They are in a place of readiness and commitment. They don't accidentally walk into a teacher training. There's some purpose behind it - they're usually up to something. And that's inspiring to be in. We get to start with the first yoga sutra of Patanjali by experiencing it - "now is the time for yoga."

Back from Vacation

Hey! I made it. I'm back from the vacation. And no blogging or tweeting as you can see. It was actually really nice to not have email and internet access until I really wanted it yesterday when we landed in Montreal.

Let's see...there's so much I could say. Yogawise, I didn't see any signs of yoga in Switzerland where I was. No rolled up mats in bags going along the street, no signs for yoga classes. There were a few "yoga-ish" pictures in some ads for tissues and things like that, but no real yoga presence. The birthday party I went to requested some yoga moves so the 75+ year olds did some gentle stretches after the main course and before coffee and dessert. And that's about all the yoga there was except for my own thing in my room.

I went up a big, old church steeple walk on the first day. I'll show you what I mean with this little clip. It was neat and I was reminded of how cool it is to be in such old buildings. This one was built in the 1500's I think.



And there are so many old things. The house I was staying in is over 250 years old. Here's a video of the key and lock for the house. I wanted to show my daughter what I meant.



Switzerland is quite "farmy." I don't really know how else to put it. Every little bit of extra space is used up with farming and a lot of animal farming at that. Even in Interlaken, which is a touristy town, in the middle of the old city there's a grassy area and in many cities there may be kids doing sports or a band playing or people just lounging in the grass (okay it was a bit cold for that), but in Switzerland, there are cows there. Right in the middle. In another little town I was in, there were sheep just cutting the lawn on the side. I'll see if I can post my little video of that.



What else about Switzerland? I think it would be tough being a non-Swiss person living there in a small town. I'm just guessing. I'll post a questionable image I saw and you can tell me what you think.




The people I met were awesome and friendly and the food was great and the Swiss are great decorators. Especially of gardens and windows and home decor things. Quite lovely to walk around the little villages as people really go all out to spruce up their space.



The coolest thing I think I did the whole time I was there was go to the mountains for breakfast. We got up a bit early, left the house around 7 and went up this old funicular train to the top of a mountain in Niesen. There were hardly any other people there and it was an amazing view. Then we went down the hill and off on our way. Amazing.

Vacation

I'm leaving today for a vacation. Yep, a vacation. I'm not teaching yoga while I'm gone on this one. It's a pure, planned-in-advance, vacation with a modest itinerary. What that means if you know me at all, is that obviously I'm tagging along with someone else because that is not my style. And that is part of what I'm looking forward to - letting someone else lead and I just get to show up. Love that.

Hans' dad died the night that John left. I remember it because my sister had come over to keep me company and safe from myself and had the phone with her. I was not to take any calls in the middle of the night if they came. And one did come. At about 4 am. And I figured it must be John calling but it turns out, it was Hans calling to let me know his father had passed away and he just needed to tell someone. I felt badly that I had not answered the phone but that's what happened. I did talk to him a few hours later as the news was starting to sink in but I was hardly in a position to be comforting anybody.

Hans has been back to Switzerland twice since his father died, once for the funeral, and once for his already planned spring trip. This time it's his mother's 75th birthday and he didn't want to go by himself. His girlfriend was asked but for a variety of reasons couldn't go, and then my name rose to the top of the list and would I like to go to Switzerland in October, and sure, I'm going!

So the plan is to visit and be there and eat and nap and do some shopping and visit with family and practice my rusty German and read. That's the kind of trip this one is and it feels like it's going to be a good one.

Thanksgiving

It's Thanksgiving Weekend. Just a couple of things I'm thankful for this morning...

Having a great kid who is making me Play-Doh sundaes for breakfast.

Friends who pop in and can sleep over and then be on their way with big hugs and see you laters.

Other friends who drive all the way up from old places and spend breakfast times after yoga.

The promise of Spa Day this afternoon with my kid and her buddy.

A gentle peace that has wafted in over the past little while and has stayed.

Super-health and a chance to use it.

Being a yoga teacher with a place to share the joy of yoga and being in a body.

Yogadministration

I like to teach yoga. I don't like to do the paperwork associated with my job, however. And that's not even totally true. I don't really mind the paperwork, I just often leave it alone and wait to do it in batches. So things get left until past the last minute sometimes. Other times I'm on top of it and things are invoiced on time and papers are put away and emails are sent and I'm in alignment :)

Today was one of those days of getting into alignment. As I'm typing I'm remembering just one more invoice that needs to be sent out. It's nice having a job and direct deposit and and all of that. This isn't that kind of job. It's not a job really at all, except in a way that it's a bunch of things all cobbled together. And that's how I like it, otherwise I'd do something else.

Sometimes I think of that. If you've been reading you know I think about that. My latest store idea is a shoe store on Dalhousie. That street badly needs a shoe store in my opinion. I'd open a store and I'd call it "Dalshoesies." I think I might just do that. That would bring on more of the Administrationasana though. Totally. I figure I could still teach yoga...

Helping Out

I was at the Shepherds of Good Hope today trying to help, I say "trying" because I'm not sure I did a good job yet, in getting them up and running on Facebook and Twitter. They've had Facebook for awhile but they were set up as a "friend" but needed to be a "page" and a "cause" and we're getting that all sorted out. It's a fun way to do seva/karma yoga for me!

One of the things I asked them is what do they need? And if they can be specific about what they need, they may be more likely to get it. So it turns out that right now, they have enough winter coats but they don't have any spices and the food is bland as a result. Hmm. I would not have guessed that at all. So it's a good thing I asked. I like giving people what I have, but what's even better is giving something that somebody actually needs right now!

They also need volunteers on Sunday. It seems that people like to go and volunteer when they can see people all happy being served meals and stuff but Sunday's the day that the prep for the big meal is done and that's where they're short. So I'm planning on going where I'm needed, especially now that my gig at the Museum of Civilization is probably cancelled due to a labour dispute. Oh well. That was actually not on Sunday so it wouldn't have been in the way.

How can we know what people need if we don't ask them? And how can we get what we need if we don't ask people? It's kind of neat what can open up when we share what we have and are willing to part with, and also what happens when we share what we're up to and what kind of support we could use.

So, to be specific here, if you can consider volunteering, please call them at 613-789-8210. If you happen to have or want to go get some cooking spices that would be good with chicken, they need that too. Oregano, black pepper, garlic powder, tarragon, sage, thyme, dried parsley and chilli peppers are all on the list. You could bring them to me at yoga and I'll walk them over.

And if you've been thinking of "tweeting" please follow them and help grow their network. Thanks!

Nice-Nice Yoga

Yoga has gone a bit "nice-nice" in my opinion. And first of all, let me say that I think it's fine that it has gone that way and I'm sure it's the pendulum swinging back from the other way, which would have been a bit harsh. But right now, yoga is nice, it fits neatly into our schedules, yoga studios can schedule lots of classes in a certain way because we all know what time it starts and what time it finishes. It wasn't always that way.

A couple of weeks back, I attended a classical Indian music concert. Knowing that I had to pick up my daughter afterwards and trying to make plans I asked the hostess what time the concert would be finished. She smiled at me and reminded me that the first half would probably be a bit longer, there'd be a break and they'd tell people 15 minutes but know they'd take 20, and then there'd be a lighter, possibly shorter second half. It was an Indian concert, you see. Short context for classical Hindustani music - basically the musicians work with certain rules for their ragas/songs and try to generate a certain feeling. Once they've got their groove they take the song or probably the song takes them and the audience, wherever it is going and that takes as long as it takes. There's no notes on a page as it's all improvised within certain guidelines. Sometimes concerts are short, sometimes they're long.

Yoga "classes" used to be like that too. They'd start at a certain time and then they'd end when they were done. Right now classes start at a certain time and end at a certain time - I totally make sure of that in my classes. What that provides is an ability to plan for things afterwards, to pack as much stuff into our free time as we can or want to, there's little pressure, and it's nice. And I like it like that. However, what is missing in that model is the freedom of the teachings, the poses, the group, to create itself and see where it wants to go. It doesn't acknowledge the life of the practice and that the time needed for that may be shorter or longer.

I guess, what's missing is a bit of both. Times when the classes are for practice and you know what time you'll be done and times when things are indeterminate and who knows what's going to happen but the space is dedicated to transformation. Sitting in the space of transformation can be exhausting over a long time and having something count-on-able is really useful. In the Landmark Education for instance, the Landmark Forum and other courses have certain guidelines about when they'll end but no promise to be out at a certain time, but the seminars and other meetings have a strong promise to be done on time so people can fulfill on other commitments they may have without being out of integrity with time. So some of both seems to work.

What I see in town right now is a lot of nice-nice yoga. Little yoga in the hot seat. Am I willing to be someone who creates the space I'm saying is missing? I'll have to think about that...

Thoughts on a Birthday

Today is my daughter's birthday. She's 11. She told me she'd rather skip and just get to 12 but we both agreed that wasn't possible and how about just deal with 11. It's pretty good, as I recall.

11's so sweet. It's really on the way to being a grown up but with full access to childhood. My daughter notices she can pass for an Older Kid but appreciates the understanding that she really is close to Little Kid.

I find myself feeling a bit sad today. I didn't expect to. Maybe it's other things, maybe it's other circumstances, and maybe it's that my little girl isn't really one anymore. I went to school to drop off the cupcakes and she said hi and bye real fast. I went all the way to the school, like totally out of my way, and I got a "hibye." It's not new and it's not surprising or anything.

Being a mom has taken more from me than anything else I've ever done. And I love being used up. I love being challenged and having to get creative and be strengthened and taken to my edge, taken past my edge, and having to use my values and insights and having to dig down really deep to answer those challenges. I also feel free to make loads of mistakes knowing I'm a good-enough mom.

I also love the ease with which being her mom comes to me. It's natural to face those things and it's fun to see how it turns out. It's not going as planned in many ways. It's going better than planned in some. It's a relationship I don't question or evaluate. It's a part of me, it's not a stay or go or change or fix or wonder about. It's an expression of who I am in a way that's not separate. There's no question about it. That's not to say there aren't times when I don't have to modify behaviours we're doing or come up with strategies for how we're going to get through particular spots in our lives. But there's never a question that we won't get there, or that it won't work out.

I enjoy the little kid and big girl my daughter has become. She threatens to get taller than me and has declared that this is the year she's going to do it. Imagine - my kid getting to be bigger than me. I still think the whole thing is weird. And normal. All at the same time.

(Here's a picture of the cake that was made for her. The Photobooth makes it mirrored though and I don't know how to flip it, so there you go.)

It's a Busy Night for Yoga

Tuesday is a busy night for yoga. It might be a busy night for anything because a lot of people can do stuff on Tuesdays. It's rarely a holiday, unlike Monday and Friday often are, and people are up for doing things. One of the things people like to do is come out to a yoga class.

Most people at Rama Lotus, where I teach, like to do hot yoga in the Hot Room. I don't teach Hot Yoga for a variety of reasons but sometimes on a Tuesday night lately, I wind up with some of the hot yoga students because that class is full and they still want to do yoga so they come to my class. When the hot people end up with the Beginners in my class, it's a bit of a culture clash. Tonight there were a couple of guys with no shirts on, for instance. They wanted to be in the hot class. It turns out with that many people in it, my class gets hot enough for people to sweat and it's not too cold to have few clothes on. It's just funny. A contrast to what I'm used to being with.

And it's nice. When I get a bunch of new people in the class I get to say my old jokes with some fresh energy, for instance. I get to hear how my instructions land for people who are new. I get the privilege of being peoples' first yoga teacher sometimes. And that's a treat.

3 Simple Exercises for Your Back

Finally. A blog post with exercises.

These are the three most recommended exercises I give to people who complain of back pain. If it's not clear, come to see me in class tomorrow or maybe I'll make a DVD with three things on it. Here are the things:

Gluteal Rolling. Roll around on your bum. On the meaty parts. Go one direction on one side. Go the other direction on the same side. Turn the other cheek, heh. Do it both directions on the other side. Come to class to have me tell you the benefits. They go something like, "lots of tension is stored in those big muscles. Lots of muscles meet there, so this is good for your back and your knees." There are loads more. Ask me if you want to know.

Next thing. Stretch along a shelf or table. Reach out with your arms and have your hands flat. Press your right hip out, hold for three breaths. Do it on the left side. Same thing. Go back and forth a few times. This is to stretch the fascia, not the muscles. On a scale of 1-10, do it from 3-5. It's not a big stretch.

Third thing. Stand with your hands flat on the shelf or table. Have your right foot forward and left foot back. Find the hamstrings on your right leg. Hold for three breaths. Switch legs. Same thing with the left leg. Like Runner's Stretch.

No pictures. Just try it. Or come and see me. Or ask for pictures and I'll see what I can come up with. And keep moving. Being still doesn't help!

Prayers

I am definitely not an expert on prayers by any means. I just had some observations about stuff I've experienced that I thought I could share given that I'm in the middle of my Prayer Project. It's totally still on and if you want me to pray (wish, intend, hope, affirm, suggest, whatever, call it pray) for you, please be specific about what it is you want so I can focus. Maybe when I get better I'll be able to do a general "all good" type of thing and I am sort of doing that now, but having a little direction would be good.

Early on with my prayer "buddy" what I noticed was that the prayer (good wish, thought, whatever) could be sent at any time to me (because at that time it was being given to me) and I would receive it when I was open to receiving it. The idea at one point was that we'd be both doing it at the same time. A part of me was afraid that if I missed the time, I'd miss the prayer and wouldn't get it at all. But what I experienced was that I could receive the prayer when I was open to receiving it. It's like it was waiting in its full potency for me to receive it. It was above my head, in my space, whatever, until I could take it in. It's like it transcended time and space. And I could feel something when it arrived.

And then I realized that it could be reviewed and it didn't go away. Like an email. It comes in when it comes in. Now, a phone call is different and I guess being aware and praying at the same time would be more like a phone call, but if you miss the call, it's like a voicemail message. You get the message. And you can replay it. Or like an email. It's in your inbox, you can read it when you like, when you have time, and then it's there and you can reread it. And even if you delete it, it's still there someplace. It's recoverable. So all of the prayers or good wishes that have ever been sent to you are retrievable, recoverable, they're there. You can get them again. They're stored on your server.

So those are my early stage observations. And again, what I've found is that it is so good to give the good wishes, but I did totally experience the benefits of being on the receiving end of them, too. I totally felt it. And as I mentioned yesterday, I get woken up by them. I've tried to sleep in past 6:00, past the time I said I'd get up and do my prayers for you people and something wakes me up and prods me into doing it. I've got a list now and I'm keeping it with me so I can remember who and what I'm working on. I still have room for more, so don't be shy. Feel free to ask for what you want!

(And for those skeptics out there, me too. I'm also one. I'm trying this out. And I have to say, it's something worth trying out. So if you have something and you want some extra energy directed towards it and you think every little bit helps, I'll do a little bit!)

Birthdays are Fun

So thanks, I did have a good day.

I tried to behave a little more like a 10-year old about it and less like a 43-year old about it and that worked out. I felt light and good and special.

I got lots of birthday wishes sent to me - mainly Facebook and emails, but a few calls and even two cards in the mail! Funny how things have changed. The Facebook cascade of wishes was lovely and reminded me a lot of something we used to do when I lived at Kripalu - a prayer circle where we'd put the person in the middle, they'd lie down and we'd sit around them and popcorn different things we loved or appreciated about them. Then we'd do a continuous om and that was it. Short and sweet. The Facebook thing is the closest I've felt to that lovely little ritual.

Hans made a fantastic cake even though I wasn't so enthusiastic about it when he was gathering information during the week (read yesterday). And it was delicious. And it was big. And thankfully, most of it is gone. Remi didn't like it. Didn't appreciate the kirsch in the layers. So she's made a request to have just the top part of the cake for her birthday next week!



So my day is just about up. My prayer project continues and the wishes pour in slowly. Let me know if you'd like me to pray for you and if so, what I'm to pray about. I don't know if it helps, but surely it can't hurt. This morning I sort of slept in during the time I was going to get up and I felt nudged to get up and do it. So maybe some of you are up at 6 and you're participating but you haven't told me. Who knows. It's been fun focusing my attention and noticing what distracts me and what can keep me in the zone and focused.

I feel full of love and I'm glad this day was a good one. Thanks for being a part of it. It makes a difference.

It's My Birthday Tomorrow

I got an email recently that I think was attributed to George Carlin and I don't know if it was his stuff or not but the email asked me to forward to everyone I knew so I was thinking maybe he wasn't the originator, but anyways, it was about birthdays. And about how when we're young we are so excited about our birthday coming up and we count it in fractions. The we get older and we aren't so excited about it and then we get really old and we get excited and we count in fractions again.

My daughter's birthday is a week after mine. She has had her birthday planned for weeks. The guest list went out, I've booked the party space and the loot bags were ordered, and it's a happening. And then there's my birthday tomorrow. My mother asked me a week ago what I wanted for my birthday, but by now she's trained. I don't want anything, I'm not doing anything, it's not a big deal. And my friend Hans asked me days ago what kind of cake I wanted because he wanted to make me a cake for my birthday (he's a chef). I was almost mad at him. Did I want mousse cake or a flan or what did I want? "Cake. Cake is good. Okay if you're going to make me choose, how about something with layers and include chocolate? Writing on the top, jeez." He got right into it and apparently it's going to be Black Forest and it's beginning to be marinated in the morning, oh, and it's going to be big and I'm going to need to have people help me to eat it so I'd better call some people.

So while I was at the Children's Hospital today teaching yoga, I was aware that I was in the over-40 frame of mind but I was in the presence of the under-20s and that to them, for me to withhold that it was my birthday tomorrow would basically be rude, so I said, "tomorrow's my birthday." They were all audibly excited and one of the girls asked if was staying later to teach another class so she could make me a card. I tear up again just typing that. They were so happy and excited for me. Tomorrow's my birthday! Wow!

I picked my daughter up at school and she had something close to her chest. She said it was her homework and then presented me with a big card that said "Happy 43rd Birthday Mommy!" I loved the gesture, but it still looked to me like it was for someone else. "Surely that card from this lovely girl was not for me, because I'm hardly someone's mother let alone someone who's turning 43 years old!"

I'm not against growing older or even being 43. I don't dye my hair, I'm all about the natural process of things and still, 43 feels weird. 42 was at least the answer to life, the universe, and everything. But 43? What in the world is 43? Torsten mentioned that some driver's number is 43 in answer to my question. I'm still wondering, "what in the world is 43? Is it even a number?" And I got another message tonight, "43 may feel like nothing but it's something. Think back on everything you learned this past year. A lot. Not pleasant, a lot of it, I know. But, man, Really good." That struck me. I'm so me at this point in my life. I'm almost completely myself. I feel some of the constraints I'm in, but I'm really very close to me. And that makes it something.

So I celebrate tomorrow. Or as my good friend who thought today was my birthday saved the call, tonight's my Birthday Eve, we'll do it in the Jewish way. Whoopie! It's my birthday tomorrow! Yay! I'm going to be 43! Whoohoo!

Yoga in French

Today I led my first ever class in French. I agreed to teach it a while ago and have practised a little bit by increasing my vocabulary of body parts. I didn't know chin and wrist, for instance. And I don't remember them now, but I did write them down, so when I go to teach the class again next week, I'll have those words available. I will.

It made me nervous to teach in French and in fact had me in a bit of a mood for days beforehand. What if I can't get the words out? What if they don't understand me? What if I'm a fraud and I really don't know any French and all those years of school French never amounted to anything?

It turns out it was a lot of fun. Part of what was fun too was that I didn't understand everything the guys were saying to me. They'd make a big joke and laugh their heads off and I smiled and they knew I didn't know that they'd just said. They could have been making fun of me. And I didn't care! (I don't think that's what they were doing.)

But it freed me up to try something challenging like that and I'm glad I did it. It made me want to practise some more and teach more classes in French. I'm doing it again next week for the same group of police. But who knows after that? And they were a bit resistant at the beginning, I'll be honest. I was so into being nervous myself that I didn't let their resistance bother me! And afterwards they were very receptive and told me how much they thought they weren't going to like it and how much they did.

One guy even asked me if I'd heard of PX90 and raved about how the moves we did today were a lot like what's in the PX90 videos! I think it's great if yoga gets into mainstream culture and then filters through. It's great! Here's a PX90 commercial so you know what he was talking about.

Posture Project

The Prayer Project continues, so if you want to join me, just read below and get in touch.

On another note, there's a Posture Project underway and today we made some progress. I still don't know how it's all going to go, but it has started to take shape and I can see that we'll actually have a finished product in a little while. Like maybe really soon. It's still in development and it's still just a baby thing, but it's a thing, and it's out of my head and it's in an iPhone Simulator at least.

You may remember a long time ago I said I wanted to make an app for my iPod Touch. More recently there was some movement towards it. It turns out it's really hard to do if you don't know what you're doing and less hard if you do know what you're doing. So I've teamed up with some people who know lots more than me about it, and voila. An app is born. Or will be. It's still gestating.

Prayer Project

I've begun something I'll call my "Prayer Project." If you knew me as Sunali, you may remember some years ago I did a "Puja Project." This is going to be similar but without ghee and flower petals and stuff. Maybe I'll reintroduce that but for now here's the deal.

At 6 am I'm praying if that's what you'd call it, I'm asking the universe, I'm making a wish, I'm directing good thoughts, I'm thinking or praying for lack of a better word, for whoever wants it. The thing I've chosen to do though is only do it for people who want it. And if you want it, tell me what it is that you want me to "intend" for you. I'm sure it probably "works" on people who don't want it, but I'm more into helping people who want help at this point rather than helping people who don't want help. For now.

It's an extension of the Metta Meditation I've done, which can be done on people you don't know - I've grown quite close to one of the cashiers at the Metro but I don't know that he knows that. So I don't want it to be weird, I want to see if it would be helpful. And really the person I expect it to be helpful for is me. So far in my Prayer Project, when I've been praying for someone else, it makes me feel really good. So in that respect, if I prayed for anyone whether they wanted it or not, it shouldn't make a difference. But it has made a difference and a bond gets created and there's a tenderness present that I'm enjoying being with. What I've been doing so far includes someone else intending, praying, whatever, for me at the same time, but I get the feeling that the back and forth isn't necessary, although it's very sweet. So I'm not asking you to pray for me but if you want to, tell me you're doing it and I'll know that at the time.

I realize this may be an "out there" kind of thing to let you know about, but it's what I'm up to right now and I'll see how it goes. You can contact me through here or the other many ways to reach me. I'm not psychic though, or as I mentioned earlier, I can't tell, so don't try and ESP me. Use email or Twitter or call me.

Missing Filters

I notice that I'm missing some of my usual filters and I have to say it's fun on the one hand and it makes me feel a bit vulnerable on the other. I think it was at the clown workshop I took a week ago that really highlighted this aspect for me. In one of the exercises people were encouraged to say whatever came up, to say the things that aren't usually said, and it might be funny. I think it was while Scott was visiting in the last hours where we talked about it. About how you have to remove that filter and allow yourself to be fully self expressed. Holding back isn't funny or entertaining or inspiring. What inspires is expressed, is out there, is beyond the norm.

I've played with this over the years, especially with Gurubelle or with some of the yoga practices. Like yesterday, I saw a woman walking backwards down the street for a bit and then she'd walk forwards and trust me, she wasn't doing strength or agility training. And I was thinking, "that's the kind of thing you'd do in an ashram." Like just try something different to shake things up. Sleep with your head at the foot of your bed. Don't put sugar in your coffee if you're used to that (except you'd be drinking your coffee behind closed doors because it wasn't permitted). You know there are guys in India go for years with one arm up overhead. Sometimes the thing is to do things differently to mix the brain patterns and free things up, get obstacles out of the way, or at least bring them to light. And that can be inspiring or entertaining or both.

Sometimes I'm Psychic

I don't really think I'm psychic. But I know that I can come across that way sometimes - it's just that it never occurs to me that it's happening. I just say what I say. And then people say what they say.

So today it came up during a class at the children's hospital, where I'm dealing with teenagers who are still technically children and don't worry, I don't forget it, that addictive behaviour includes lying. The kids I deal with are in the hospital, some of them in the psych ward basically, for disordered eating issues - bad enough that they're in the hospital for it. I just talk to them like I'd talk to anyone else normally and today we're talking and the next thing I know we're talking about lying and being an addict, which is kind of like what's going on with ED, but I'm not talking about that, I was talking about smoking and how I'd lie like crazy to my mom about it and I'd come up with plenty of excuses, and they were totally relating, and then it came up that I mentioned, "you'll know you're getting better when you can't lie anymore and you find yourself having to tell the truth." One girl was laughing and the other girl was just lying there on her mat because she was really new, and the other girl was saying, "nobody's perfect." I took that one and ran with it. "Of course nobody's perfect and anyone who says they are is a liar," is what I told them.

As it turns out, one of them had totally been lying earlier in the day about hiding food and the other one had confronted her about it, mentioning that her hiding food was a trigger for her - behaviour is a big deal in these tiny communities in the hospital. Wow. During my little break between classes I bumped into someone (one of the therapists) who told me that she had been concerned how yoga would go given that there had been this tension earlier in the day between two of them. It wasn't hard to tell who she was talking about. I told her that we'd had the conversation about being an addict, she laughed and said that it was great that I reinforced that when you get better you won't need to lie. "The truth is manageable" is what I told them (and you know I'm into that - that was not a hard thing for me to say) and I told her and the therapist laughed. She seemed really pleased that I would send that message without any prompting or divulging.

It was funny to have hit the nail so totally on the head. It's neat when that happens. Again, I have no idea when I've struck a chord (or nerve as the case may be) but when it happens it's magical.

When you are lying there's something going on and trust me, it's not alright. The need to tell the truth is a sign you're getting better - you can handle the truth and you trust that the others around you can handle it too. What a powerful way to live.