Outside My Comfort Zone

I'm feeling a bit outside my comfort zone and I think it's a good thing. I posted that earlier today on my Facebook status and a bunch of people "liked" it, gave me their thumbs up, and without knowing any of the details I figure that's a vote of confidence.

I'm still processing a lot of this Caroline Myss stuff. She said we go around asking for guidance and then we ignore it when it comes. A while back I wrote a bit about what I call my "Gurubelle," like my higher self voice. I first heard this clear voice when I was about 24 while I was living at Kripalu. I could tell you all about it and maybe one day I will, but just know that after it told me that it was there and what I should/could do in my life, I promptly told it to shut up and leave me alone. And the higher self voice went away.

And then it came back by me sort of asking if it was still there and it said it was. Never left. The thing was that if I wanted this sort of presence to remain in my life I was going to have to let go a bit. I didn't want to do that. I was a mother, I had responsibilities and what if this little mission Gurubelle was going to send me on made me drop everything and walk to California or something crazy. Gurubelle wouldn't make any promises that that wouldn't happen. "No deal," I said. "Forget it."

After the year I had last year, I figured might be a good time to see if that voice was still around, still willing to guide me. "Yep, still here." Hmmm. The guidance I get leads me to different resources and opportunities. It resonates with what Caroline Myss says that started today's topic. It encourages me to work on alternative projects, to take trips, do things differently and that takes me outside of what I normally do. The guidance encourages me to spend money in different ways, to listen to my gut, to notice where I'm not present. It has me use the tools I've gotten from yoga, meditation, Landmark, and put them to use.

So I feel a bit wobbly as I take a step out. I also feel quite confident and excited, but the part of me that loves being comfortable with my reasons for being the way that I am and the part of me that likes things to stay the way they are, clinging to my past stories and hurts and my symbolic safety blanket, is feeling really sleepy.

Non-Attachment

We're at that point in the yoga teacher training program again. The weekend where we talk about non-attachment and then come up with a practice for it. Some people plan purging rooms and boxes of files. Others plan to stop drinking coffee. Some people just can't seem to come up with an area they think they're attached.

We always recommend doing something that shakes up your routine a bit and totally within moderation. Just notice where you're attached. It doesn't mean you have to be totally unattached. Just notice that you're attached! Like the coffee thing - you could give up coffee altogether or how about just on Mondays? Thursdays? How about don't have it one day a week until noon? Just something to show you where you're tied.

And Caroline Myss mentioned in the tapes I'm listening to again, Energy Anatomy, that when we talk about being honest, we often are willing to point out where our flaws are but not our strengths. And with that, she says we need to be responsible for using our strengths, for knowing what they are and putting them to use. But back to non-attachment, she reminds us to unplug from the things that are draining us and remove importance and significance from old memories and ideas and let them go by calling our spirits back to Now.

Landmark Education says that life is empty and meaningless and it's empty and meaningless that it's empty and meaningless. All of that importance is stuff we put in there. So to practice non-attachment is to become aware of the games we're playing and knowing where we're hooked. Pema Chodron would say we're hooked in places and when we're hooked, there's suffering.

There's always an opportunity to notice where we're attached and see if it's possible to give it up. Sometimes we can't. That's okay. Knowing we're not letting go is closer than not even knowing we're attached. As Anthony deMello puts it, you can't become unattached until you've really experienced attachment. I didn't read the group the passage from the book, Way to Love, that I often do. It's a good reminder that finding yourself totally attached is a great place to be because it's not likely that you'll let go of something if you don't even know you're holding on and it's holding you back.

It's Official - I'm Short Again

I've got lots I could say about yoga today. I've got lots I am not talking about - family stuff is going on, it's the New Year, there's a lot happening - but the really big news in my daughter's world is that she has officially surpassed me height-wise.

I'd show you a picture, but apparently Mercury has gone retrograde or something because all of a sudden applications are crashing, photos won't load, and I just got a message saying my photos are locked and I can't access them. As if. So I'll have to sort that out...

A big thing I did this weekend was finally listen to some Caroline Myss tapes (yes kids, cassette tapes!) that have been on my shelf for years. I fell asleep to parts and I intend to re-listen to the whole thing because what she said, although some of her chats about illnesses are a bit dated, was pretty awesome. One of the things that stuck with me that I've been bringing up in classes today is her invitation to ask yourself "where's my spirit?" To me it's the same thing as noticing where your awareness is and when you notice it's in the past or the future, bring it back. But to ask, where am I leaking energy? Where is my spirit right now? What do I have to let go of to be completely present? Those are good questions.

So I've been asking them to myself over the past couple of days and I have to say it's left me feeling pretty "empowered." In fact, I'd say the whole six-tape set was about empowerment.