They Grow Up So Fast

I remember when I was pregnant with my daughter, someone told me "they grow up so fast." I'm sure many people told me that along the way but I do remember one time when it just stood out and I took it in.

I know they grow up fast. I know I can stay present so it doesn't feel like it's going by so fast. And then sometimes - bam - it feels like it's happening so fast.

At first it was the little things - when she liked to eat - then that would change. Or what she liked to wear. What her favourite colour was. Just when I thought I had it down, it would change. Just as I got used to her being little, she grew. As soon as I got used to her knowing this much, she showed me she was aware of so much more.

I knew she was getting on a plane today - I bought her the ticket for heaven's sake - but I didn't realize that I wasn't ready for her to go away for two weeks. I know it's not a long time. I know I'll see her down at Omega in two weeks. But knowing that didn't take away the surprise pang of missing I felt when she got in her dad's car this morning to go to the airport.

She even said, "Mom, do you want to come to the airport?" and I said no. I'd already made up my mind I wasn't going this morning. I have other things to do. And I do. But that sweet surprise feeling of "Wait! Don't go! You're my daughter and I'll miss you for two weeks," just sort of jumped out of nowhere.

I know this is a preview of her leaving many, many times in the future. There will be so many goodbyes and hellos I expect. This one just caught me off guard. I love her so much and I love being her mom. What a great relationship that is. I guess sometimes I take it for granted because it's always just there - the fighting and hugging and challenging and joking - and this morning I have a little taste of that being not there. Loving a teenager - it's an awesome challenge and I love it! Sniff!

(Update: she's cleared Customs and I have permission to use this picture from last week.)
(Update #2: she wanted to read the post and the picture below is of the text she sent me. Sniff!)

It's Official - I'm Short Again

I've got lots I could say about yoga today. I've got lots I am not talking about - family stuff is going on, it's the New Year, there's a lot happening - but the really big news in my daughter's world is that she has officially surpassed me height-wise.

I'd show you a picture, but apparently Mercury has gone retrograde or something because all of a sudden applications are crashing, photos won't load, and I just got a message saying my photos are locked and I can't access them. As if. So I'll have to sort that out...

A big thing I did this weekend was finally listen to some Caroline Myss tapes (yes kids, cassette tapes!) that have been on my shelf for years. I fell asleep to parts and I intend to re-listen to the whole thing because what she said, although some of her chats about illnesses are a bit dated, was pretty awesome. One of the things that stuck with me that I've been bringing up in classes today is her invitation to ask yourself "where's my spirit?" To me it's the same thing as noticing where your awareness is and when you notice it's in the past or the future, bring it back. But to ask, where am I leaking energy? Where is my spirit right now? What do I have to let go of to be completely present? Those are good questions.

So I've been asking them to myself over the past couple of days and I have to say it's left me feeling pretty "empowered." In fact, I'd say the whole six-tape set was about empowerment.