Bouncing Back

As you can see in the video, I'm bouncing. That was last night. I've decided that rather than stay on the edges like the other parents at trampoline class, I'll bounce too. So I signed myself and my sister up and we're doing trampoline with my daughter. It hurts like crazy for the next couple of days afterwards but I figure if I keep at it, I won't be so sore. My goal is to do a flip. That's after Level 4. I'm working on Level 2. Whoohoo!

Maybe it's the bouncing, maybe it's Spring almost here (today we've had an arctic blast and it's -20C out), maybe it's the praying, or it's just time finally taking care of things, but I have to say, I'm feeling freed up. One of the measures for me of how I'm feeling is how I'm sleeping and I've gotten back to just sleeping at night, not waking up to toss and turn and think, but nights of all sleep like I used to. That's a sure sign I'm good. I'm also speaking out more as the blog shows, and I'm restoring integrity all over the place in my teaching as well as in my relationships.

This is a longer story but it was only a few weeks ago I was imagining my "samskaras" like a huge mountain valley and me trying to fill it up with dirt and my hands. I'm thinking it's going to take me for-freaking-ever to have transformation. Many, many lifetimes. I have a huge groove in my life, it seems like it's always been there, and it seems like it's always going to be there. I've been noticing, breathing, feeling, meditating, sharing, and doing the things I know to do and today I can say I think it's working. I recognized a feeling in my body I'm trying to get rid of by bringing certain people into my life. And now that I've distinguished it, which I did a few weeks ago, it seems to be dissipating. This has happened with allergies, addictions, other habits, and it seems like it's happening with my worrying mind too. I don't know how else to describe it blog-style. It's an essay or a book.

So now I sleep at night and when I wake up, I'm not thinking about anyone in particular. If anything, I'm noticing that I'm thinking about my life with my daughter and what we're up to and it's not worrisome, it's just there. I know, like the weather, it will change and won't last, but for now, it's a fresh season, I'm refreshed, I'm worn out physically from tons of activity, and it feels great.

Hot Yoga: Substitute for Sex?

As you may be aware, I don't think hot yoga is yoga at all. And I don't have a problem with what it is, I just don't think it's yoga. Yoga wouldn't have us waste resources to practice and see the other post about that. But it hit me the other day what is really going on in the hot room and I'm going to tell you what I think although the title of the post has basically said it all.

Keep in mind this is a generalization and it's food for thought; it's not meant to put down your practice or offend you :)

It seems to me that in our culture we say we're over-sexed based on images in advertising and things teens are texting each other and in that type of messaging, but I would suggest that our culture is majorly under-sexed for real. Who has time to have great sex? Everybody has to work all day, there are duties and hobbies when you get home, and by the time you finally crawl into bed with your lover, you're ready for sleep. Or if sex happens, it may be perfunctory. And I know some of you have awesome sex and go on for hours regularly, but I'm not talking about you.

Our neighbours in Europe and South America knew they had to shut down for lunch and take time to be with their spouses in the middle of the day. When would anyone in our culture simply have the time to luxuriate with another body whose schedule matched? And when it really feels great like around ovulation or fertile times for women, those days may not land on a weekend or a day off.

So given that women, especially I would say, are under-sexed, I would like to look over at who's doing hot yoga. What started out as therapeutic yoga for weight loss and flexibility now has loads of women who recognize a sure thing with a schedule they can be in control of. Because the room is hot, you've got to wear very little to make it through the class. So now we've got a bunch of hot, sweaty women wearing skimpy outfits. (lululemon is the new lingerie...) And on top of it, the hot room invariably has mirrors. Now we're hot women working out, looking at ourselves. We're taking ourselves to the edge physically with gentleness. It's pretty satisfying. And I would say it's somewhat sexually satisfying and that's why we do it. The lucky guys who have figured out what's going on in the hot room will put up with some of the moves we do in there just to soak up the vibes and sit in that space.

And I think it's sort of sad that we don't have the real thing. That we aren't with another body, being embodied, being with ourselves and creating pleasure and community, rather we're continuing the puritanical belief structures some of our ancestors came to this continent with. I think they'd be proud to be honest. We've finally eliminated the need for other people and we're well on the way to total independence.

Working out in the hot room can be a wonderful way to feel good about yourself - after a class you feel warm, you've admired yourself, and there are no complications or conversations - which can enhance your experience and make great sex more likely. My guess is though, that if you're regularly having great sex, the kind your body and spirit know is possible, you won't have much time left for hot yoga, or by the time you are, the yoga studio will be closed for the night.

The App Store; Clean Sheets

I heard today that my app has been submitted to the App Store and is basically ready for sale. Whoohoo! As soon as I'm sure it's final I will blast you with the news and you can go and get your own copy of Jamine's Yoga for your iPod Touch or iPhone.

The thing that has me most excited at this moment though is that my sheets are in the dryer. And that means tonight I'll have clean sheets on my bed. And that, to me, is one of the best feelings in the world - climbing into bed after a bath or a shower that has clean sheets on it. Don't get me wrong - I don't normally have dirty sheets on the bed. It's just that there's something special about that not-slept-in-yet fresh bed feeling. It's the little things sometimes that make me happy.

I'm such a kid sometimes and my priorities are out of whack. Yea, I've got my own yoga app in the app store in a few minutes but tonight I get to slip into fresh sheets - that's exciting :)

And I realize that I'm nervous about it. Clean sheets are easy, but my app in the App Store? I can hardly relate. Open to discussion and critiques and comments and payments? Oh right, people can buy it? Right. That is exciting! So when the app's out, you can get a copy if you've got an iPod Touch or an iPhone.

Transformational Activities

Okay Guys,

Here's a short list of things I recommend when people come asking me what they should do about this or that or just want things to change and be different somehow. And plus, if you're into transformation, you'll just naturally enjoy these things. And if you have more, let me know, because I love spending time doing things that focus on transformation.

And I know, transformation can happen at anytime, anywhere so there's no guarantee, but at least people have tested these and have had results, myself included.

So before you quit your job or end your relationship or spend a whole lot of money doing anything, I would highly recommend you spend three and a half days of your life doing the Landmark Forum. And then I'd recommend you go down the line and do the other courses they have to offer. That is number one.

If, by chance, you have ten whole days in a row to yourself, I would highly recommend you sit in a Vipassana meditation retreat. There's nothing like sitting in silence in your own mental crap that will motivate you to clear some of it out like this retreat will (except maybe the Landmark Forum).

Doing a yoga teacher training where you examine your life and the yoga sutras, would be another thing that would produce results, almost guaranteed. So check for those, but you'll need more like a month off for that type of thing.

In terms of bang for your buck, I'd do the first thing - it's only a weekend. But it's $500. Vipassana is a longer time commitment but not a financial one. Your first course is free, or by donation. Yoga teacher trainings tend to be in the thousands of dollars, so if you've got time and money, that would be fun, plus at the end you get a certificate if you're into collecting things :)

If you want to read something that is transformational, today's recommendation is anything by Anthony de Mello, but especially the book, Awareness. His call to WAKE UP is loud and clear in that book and he doesn't mince words. (This video is what the book says too - I think the book is a transcription of this series.)

Yoga Accessories

I'm so torn about all of this stuff and so here I blog. When I first started doing yoga, we didn't have yoga mats, we had "space." We didn't have special ties, we had "knotted socks." And that sort of suits me. Like if I'm riding my bike around, I don't need fancy clothes, I just get on my bike with whatever I'm already wearing.

So now yoga's all accessorized and I guess that's fun and neat and I have some, but really it all ends up as more clutter at my house. I heard the story from Sam Dworkis of how Iyengar started with the yoga blocks - he needed a prop for someone and basically said something like, "pass me the Bombay phone book," and then all the americans in the room got excited and started measuring and voila, the yoga block was born. lululemon has provided us all with great looking, comfortable special yoga clothes. And each class has its own special twist, but the biggest yoga accessory of all I would say is this hot thing. Bikram must be laughing his head off at how much his yoga gimmick has transformed and created a whole new industry. At his studio in the past, at any rate, there were no special air filtration systems or heaters, he just plugged in space heaters, packed the room and that was the heat. Somewhere in this blog there may be the story of me trying to heat the auditorium at Kripalu for his visit back in '92.

Anyways, it's seeming like it's all getting gimmicky and fun and that's great but we're avoiding the community, the connection, and the simplicity that is inherent in yoga, and instead we're separating, and isolating ourselves and making our practice more complicated by requiring more yoga accessories. Sure, people go to yoga classes and are with people, but there's not much opportunity to really connect. Some classes offer tea afterwards, like the Kundalini classes often do, but most are basically stretching classes, mine included. Yoga used to be something you did at home; now we all go out to do yoga. It's a big deal, it requires a lot of time, special outfits, and I've got to say, in my opinion, that is so not yoga.

Needless to say, after this month, I will not be teaching hot yoga. I'd totally do a work out in a hot room, but I wouldn't call it yoga. I don't think yoga would have us waste resources to practice. Awesome, hot stretching might. But yoga leans towards consciousness, not unconsciousness. It leans to simplicity, not to complication.

And I'm working right now on what to call a Tuesday night class that I'd like to offer that is way more Old School Yoga. One that does some stretching and does a meditation. A class that encourages conversation and has room for that and some teaching on the other aspects of yoga, not just the postures. Stay tuned. An actual yoga/meditation class just might be coming your way if I have mine ;)

Sensations for your Ears

If you know me much, you know I don't really care for hockey. I'll watch it if I have to and I love going to live games just to be with 20,000 people, but really I'm not that into the game. But I just listened to this video, which is commentators announcing the winning goal from this past Olympic hockey game in different languages, and it gave me goose bumps. I could totally feel their excitement and enthusiasm even though I didn't watch the game, I didn't see it on tv and this video doesn't even have pictures. Anyway, this occurred for me like a cleansing sound, something to get me resonating with awe and joy. I hope you enjoy it too!

As a little addendum here, I emailed the guy who did the video right after I posted my blog, I figured that would be the right thing to do and he got straight back to me. Here's what he said:

Re: Thanks for making that video!

Thanks Jamine!

Reading your blog post I feel even more proud of my efforts under a new light and I certainly appreciate you taking the time to let me know. There is a lot of joy and positive excitement being exuded across the globe with the call and this world can certainly use as much as that as it can get.

Would you believe the BBC Broadcaster actually contacted me and thanked me as well? He was proud to be a part of the moment and the compilation and explained how it brought back memories for him to be a special part of the moment. Isn't that so cool?

Thanks again for taking the time to drop a note, it means quite a bit.

Cheers!
James

New Distraction

So for the past week I've had a new distraction. If you missed it, I posted something that became newsworthy and that provided me a bunch of opportunities to interact with people in a different way than usual. It had refreshing and fun aspects, as well, it had worrisome and concerning aspects, too.

After watching that topic spin a bit, I have just been standing back pretty much and just watching it go. Sort of like spinning a top and then waiting for it to slow down and tip over.

My mind is usually full of ideas and thoughts and plans and worries and the usual. And for the past week it has had those thoughts but it's had to make room for these other things, too. (What happens if I talk to the media? Should I? What's the impact?) There's a saying we have sometimes and that's "a change is as good as a rest." And this week I have to say that's been true! Having other thoughts occupy my mind has been refreshing - it has gotten me away from my normal train of thought.

There really isn't a fight going on with my neighbours so there was nothing I really needed to say that would need a microphone. I am concerned about how we raise our children and the messages we give them. I am concerned about the resources given to the people charged with raising kids in our societies and how limited they are. I am interested in communities and how we share our space. And I'm very interested with freedom of individuals in their lives and allowing people to express themselves fully, especially when they're not harming anyone.

I'm reminded that women haven't had rights for that long. I'm reminded that some people in our society are given more rights than others. I try not to bump up against the edges of the boxes we've put ourselves in here but sometimes I do and I get surprised. I get surprised by what we say is okay and what isn't. My personal values are not reflected in our culture's rules in a number of areas and once in awhile I'm surprised and offended. It's uncomfortable when that happens and it makes me want to speak out. And sometimes I do.

So a Yogi Walks into a Bank...

(By the way, Tuesday's post got so much attention, I can't believe it. That was the most-read post ever of mine. Apparently when I let it rip, it seems to touch a nerve...today's post will be boring in comparison. And just to follow up about the chalk, nothing has happened to make things worse or better and none of us here seem to care, we'll still chalk in the back, we may do moderate chalk in the front, we'll take it to where it doesn't bother people we care about and we'll see how it goes. I'll let you know if anything else erupts!)

So today I'm shopping for a bank. I need to open a business account because Capital Yoga Publishing is at that point and needs to be all set up. I was thinking last night that this is a chance for a fresh start. Let's pick a bank that feels good. I thought I didn't want to go to the bank closest to me because it's up Rideau and it's not that nice walking up there, how about let's start with something more grand, like RBC on Sparks. Kat says I will walk in and know and that's a good way to pick a place - by how I feel when I walk in. I asked Hans which bank he thought was the nicest - what with him being Swiss and all I figure he'd know a good bank - he recommended the big RBC. My trainer said, "what about seeing what kind of stuff you get at which bank? Like account features." Hmm. I hadn't thought of that. I tweeted that I was looking for a bank and not one twit got back to me.

On the way to the RBC I saw the TD and I thought to myself, "I like TD. I'll check them out." Well they made me wait a bunch. I sat for a while and then I reached my limit and I headed over to RBC again. "I'll go and set this up there." When I made my way up to the second floor, "wow, this will do," it turns out no one could see me today. "What? I want to open an account and I need an appointment?" (Maybe that's why I was waiting a while at TD.) It turns out that it's a long appointment to open a business account and I'd need to come back tomorrow.

So I decided to head back to TD. On the way I ran into an old student and we got to talking about yoga and life and stuff and then I was feeling hungry and ready to go home. On the way I figured I'd stop in at the CIBC at Sussex and Rideau. "That's a powerful intersection. That might be a good place for my bank." They were very helpful in there, but there's no place to park so if I need the other investors to sign anything it's going to be a parking thing and they also didn't have any time today to help me open an account. But I made an appointment for tomorrow and left.

On the way home I got to thinking about the little bank on Rideau that I opened Remi's account at. I gave them a call. Sure enough, they have time to see me today at 4:30 to open up my business account. I cancelled my CIBC appointment and will get my stuff ready for this aft. It turns out I'll keep walking up Rideau Street to my local TD after all. So much for the tall buildings and fancy elevators and shiny signs. "There's no place like home, there's no place like home..."

Stopping Creativity

I'm still a bit mad about this so if I sound angry, just know I am. Yesterday my neighbours complained about my daughter's chalk drawings on the ground. The agent from our condo's property management company said she'd had a number of calls about it. That was Monday morning. The chalking happened on the weekend. You mean to tell me no one would come and talk to me about it? And with everything happening in the world, I live around people who have nothing better to do than complain about art on the sidewalk? Who actually picked up the phone to call and complain about chalk on the sidewalk?

They told me to clean it off. I told them to "fine me." I said, "get the board to fine me. I'm on the board, so let's have a meeting about it and fine me." "It looks like shit," they said. "Children live here," I replied. "We have drug dealers and hookers on the street and you guys are complaining about a child's drawing that will wash away when it rains?" "We don't know when it's going to rain. It's defacing the property."

Don't even get me started. Then my neighbour wondered why I was so defensive about it.

If you want to squash people, give them a hard time about an expression they did that made them feel so joyous and self-expressed and hurt no one. Shut them down that way and you will. Fortunately, Remi took pictures of it, as she knew at the time that what she'd done was big and beautiful.

I want her to feel safe in a neighbourhood that is not known for its safety. I want her to feel safe to be on the street even though she's fighting for space with dealers and users and rowdy partiers. Let her light up the street and show that there's life here besides the litter and vomit that normally line our little yard.

I angrily poured snow on it and water, washing off the traces that a child lives here. A child who feels safe and strong. I told her next time do it straight on the sidewalk and the neighbours will just have to deal. I'd love to see a city bylaw officer come to my door to tell me hopscotch isn't allowed in Lowertown.

Going Inside

As any typical human does, I fantasize about the things that I don't have in place that if I could just set up circumstantially, then things would be okay or at least better. If I just lost the practically 10 pounds I put on over the holidays I'd look more like a yoga teacher and be more popular. If I just had a boyfriend who wouldn't drive me crazy but was someone with whom I share mutual admiration then I'd feel more relaxed and at home. If enough people kept coming to my yoga classes then I'd earn enough money so I could relax and not be afraid of the future.

And as a typical yoga teacher does, I have access to teachings that remind me that none of that is going to make a difference. Not one little bit. My perfect weight, my right amount of money, my right people in my life, none of that really has any bearing on whether or not I'm feeling at peace. In fact, to continue to try and coordinate those things to line up into place at this point is silly. I know it doesn't work. I know it doesn't matter. (It does matter in some ways and I'm not going to really deal with that here today.) And although I still try to coordinate my life's circumstances, the thing that I'm resonating with more and more and the one who's showing up more and more, especially when things get a bit tougher, is that inner voice, that voice I named Gurubelle.

One of the things that happens when I teach yoga is I'm sort of doing yoga, too. I'm in a space that's special, that I don't have access to in normal activities and conversations. Leading yoga is a sort of meditation I do. And my inner voice is accessible a lot when I'm teaching. She reminded me last night that I could talk to her other times too, because when I'm leading a class I am not engaged in conversation with my higher voice, I just notice that she's there. Which reminded me to ask her today what to do about certain things, but basically it came down to my satisfaction level. She said "look inside." Like the answers are inside, or going inward will lead to some calm, but more importantly the guidance was to stop the habit of looking outside myself for stuff. Notice when I'm searching outside of myself for affirmation or completion or attention or anything, and just notice and then don't do that.

So after this morning's meditation, when today I used so hum (inhale so, exhale hum), afterwards I sat with myself and changed up the mantra to "look inside." It doesn't quite work with the breath, but it still worked for me as a way to direct my thoughts. It seems selfish to go inside when the world is shaking and crumbling and needing me more than ever, but Gurubelle reminded me that I spend so much of my time concerned with the outside, that to spend a bit of time "looking inside" isn't going to hurt at all time-wise, but it will also nourish and strengthen me to deal with the external world and all of its suffering. So look inside...find satisfaction inside...feel love inside...was the message I got for today.

Nostril Check

Here's a very simple nostril lesson via a large generalization. When your left nostril is more open than the right one, it's a good time to be relaxed. When your right nostril is more open than the left, it's a good time to be active.

For instance, if you're just getting out of bed in the morning, it would be handy if your right nostril were open so you could get out of bed and be on your way. Conversely, if you're going to bed at night, it would be handy if your left nostril were more open so you could settle down and go to sleep.

If it's time for you to get out of bed and you don't feel like it and you notice that your left nostril is dominant, you could do some things to easily switch so the right nostril were more open and then getting out of bed would be easier. You could lay on your left side and wait a bit or you could block your left nostril and make the right one do the work. Those tricks would help get the appropriate nostril in place so you can work with the flow rather than go against it.

Why this works is that the breath is connected to the brain. Duh. Any yoga practitioner knows this. However, we can use it to our advantage, making things go more smoothly. If it's mid-afternoon and you could really use a nap and notice that your left nostril is doing all the breathing but you're about to lead a class or do some driving, switching your nostrils up will help you to be in the right place at the right time.

Check it out. For more information you can find lots of details in Harish Johari's book on the subject. When I first read it some years ago it seemed like voodoo, but after some personal observation and other sources that shared the same idea, it started making more sense and being practical.

When Sadness Comes to Town

Earlier today I had what felt like a sad attack. I just started feeling sad and it didn't let up until after I'd cried a bunch and called a friend who could relate and coach me to get out of the house and go for a walk and remember it's like the weather, it will pass. I've got no reason to be sad and I've got loads of reasons to be sad. My grandmother fell down and broke her hip, never good but especially not when you're 92. I read that people are still denying global warming because all the snow that fell on Washington DC makes it seem like it's getting colder rather than warmer. I could go on and work myself into sadness again.

And then of course I have no good reason to be sad - I'm healthy - in fact, I'm so healthy I didn't even catch a single cold this entire winter. I have all of my family around. Both of my parents are still alive. I have a beautiful, heathy daughter. I don't live in a place that's suffering a natural disaster (except for long winters in Ottawa, but we anticipate it annually), and I could go on and on and count my blessings some more.

But just like the weather isn't personal, inner states aren't personal either. They matter and feel a lot more, but they don't mean anything about who I am or what I'm about. They get tricky because as thought processes, I make the mistake that it's all true and I should believe them and I forget that it's weather and will pass. Plus, in order to have a good cry, you sort of have to take it all quite seriously, otherwise the cry stops and turns into a laugh or a meh.

And it turns out this getting out of the house thing is good for me. I like going to Bridgehead and invariably I run into many people I know when I'm here. So even though it costs me a few bucks extra, it's worth it.

You can call me President

I got a lot done today and it's not even half over yet. And what I did today didn't all happen today, it just sort of all coalesced today. And it's iPhone app-related, which is yoga related, which is why I'm telling you!

If you know me at all you know that I'm a yoga teacher/student and that I'm also a bit of a nerd/geek. Okay, I'm a lot of a nerd. I love my gadgets and sites and connections and doohickeys. It runs in my family and when my 11-year old called me from her cell on the school bus this morning to warn me that she had left her speech on the desk in the office and could I get it to her, it wasn't surprising that rather than getting in my car and driving it over, I picked it up and put it in the scanner, sending it to her teacher's email address.

The call from the school came that she needed it and when I told her that I'd emailed it to her teacher, she said he wasn't in today and could I send it to her. "Which email address? Oh, that one? K," was my reply. So that's who you're dealing with here.

What happened today is I incorporated Capital Yoga Publishing Corp, which is hopefully going to be the name of the company that is making the iPhone/iPod Touch app that I've been on about, in addition, some other things for yoga teachers. I say hopefully, because I only submitted my request and paid the money to incorporate, but the government's approval of the name and all of that is pending.

Once that happens, then my application for funding can proceed and I can put my new programmer guy to work, which he is excited to do. So it's underway. And I'm actually a bit excited about it now that I'm writing it out. Normally, these sorts of things just wash over me and I get all excited by guys and phone calls and ups and downs and all of that sort of drama. But I'm training myself to enjoy the pleasure of just having something go well that doesn't fit into my samskara grooves and is just something going well!

More will be shared when there's more to share. On another note, someone asked me recently if my Mandate is over because it seems I've gone all quiet about relationships and like maybe I'm tucked in someplace. I guess I'm just not blaring out that I'm still single and it bugs me sometimes and I'm not online dating, even though I have in the past and I may return to that. So I don't have a list of people I'm working through to have you vet for me as I may have done some years ago, posts which are probably hidden from this blog. And if you're like, "but what about all of those trips to Florida?" just know I have a good friend. Watch 500 Days of Summer and know I'm Tom in some ways, I'm just faster.

My daughter is at an adorable age that I want to continue to enjoy in peace, without the added drama of me purposely dating someone new. I'm getting some work done, probably in lieu of dating, but it's okay to be productive instead of seductive - hey - that's funny - it rhymes!

So there you have it. The full update.

Oh, Those Chitta Vrittis!

You just gotta love those chitta vrittis, don't you? They're adorable. They even sound adorable. Just try and say it - "chit-ta vrit-tis." Sometimes they get treated like the enemy though like, "we gotta get rid of those chitta vrittis at any cost - let's blast 'em."

Some of you are wondering what a chitta vritti is. Let me briefly explain. Chitta is like the field of your mind where all kinds of thoughts can happen and the vrittis are like the thoughts or the waves that show up. Some of those vrittis are disturbing and some of them aren't. So yogis want to regulate the thoughtwaves or the vrittis so they don't disturb us, so we can do what we want to do and think what we want to think, which for a lot of yogis is nothing itself.

Or we want to concentrate on something or see the truth or experience ourselves, and if there are a bunch of disturbing vrittis in the way or even if they're not that disturbing but they're blocking the view, then we want them toned down or moved aside or even blasted away.

One of the things with the mind is that has a lot in common with the breath, for instance we don't have to think about breathing at all and we can let it do its own thing and we'll get by, however, we can also adjust our breath and enhance certain states (like health - but really I meant states of mind). Same thing with the mind - it will go on and on by itself, but we can also watch it and guide it on purpose, never really getting rid of it, but guiding it. Sometimes we can suspend the breath for periods - we can do that with the mind too - just suspend the thoughts or the vrittis. So the mind and the breath have a lot in common. Both can be monitored and adjusted consciously or they can be left on their own and will function unconsciously.

So if you're in a state where you've noticed your thoughts or your vrittis and they're bothering you or even their existence annoys you, one of the first things you can do is find them adorable rather than objectionable. Just don't be so against them.

The second yoga sutra in Patanjali's yoga sutras is "yoga chitta vritti nirodhaha." Swami J's definition goes like this,

1.2 Yoga is the control (nirodhah, regulation, channeling, mastery, integration, coordination, stilling, quieting, setting aside) of the modifications (gross and subtle thought patterns) of the mind field.
(yogash chitta vritti nirodhah)

and he's got a lot more to say about it all on his website, which I recommend you check out over and over again!

Hot Yoga

Some of you may be surprised to know that I'm actually teaching a hot yoga class now. Surprised because I haven't taken on teaching a hot class on a regular basis up until know, thinking maybe I was against it somehow, which I'm not. I like hot yoga and it's nice to sweat. I don't like packed, packed classes as a student, and I don't like it when it doesn't feel like yoga but more of a fitness class to me. But the class I'm leading I like. It's not packed, and it feels like yoga to me. We even meditate for a couple of minutes at the end, which we're not doing in any of my other classes at the moment.

I'm trying to stick to a set routine that was outlined by the other teachers, but to be honest, I'm sort of winging it and doing what I like to do, which is based on the outline I was given. It has been enhanced, let's say. And I like it! It's nice to teach something different. And it gets me a big break between classes, which gives me time to have a snack and blog and read, which I didn't have before when I taught a class that chanted om 15 minutes before my next class started. So now I can hang at the Bridgehead (as in this photo) or shop at Staples or just relax a bit.

Plus this new hot class is 15 minutes shorter than the other ones and I like a class that's an hour and 15 minutes. That's the amount of time we did at Kripalu. I think the 90 minutes thing came in because of Bikram and other classes were worked around that schedule. Personally, an hour, an hour and 15 minutes, is nice for me.

So now I'll head over to Rama Lotus to lead the next class that starts in 20 minutes. Sweet.

Prayerful = Grateful?

In case you're wondering how the Prayer Project is going, the update is that I'm still doing it. I'm not doing it so much for specific people anymore as the requests faded out and I was reminded of something Caroline Myss said and that's "God's not deaf." So I let those peter out. If you want me to ramp it up again, just let me know!

My prayers have become more like energy awarenesses, if that makes any sense. Just noticing how the energy is in my body, in the imagined body in front of me, and keeping it open with my awareness. Fine. I don't know if it does any good, but it's what I'm doing. And sometimes I notice that I'm praying or wishing that things were different than they are. Like praying for obstacles to be removed. Not a bad prayer, but definitely a request that things be different than they are.

So this morning it got me to thinking, "what if I just prayed for things to be as they are?" And that led to, "that's silly, things are as they are and don't need my prayers," and that moved me over to "how about be grateful for how things are?" That seemed to fit this morning, so I just sat with being grateful for a minute.

Sometime over the weekend I read some quote on Twitter that was a reminder that if you don't like how things are, one of the things you can do is also be grateful for what you don't have that you don't want. Example - cancer. As far as I know, I don't have cancer and I'm sure I don't want it and that can be a blessing I count if were up to counting things.

Gratitude can look like being satisfied with what we have but also with what we don't have. Welcoming things as they are and as they are not. So I'm practising allowing the moment to be just as it is (like it needs my permission - ha!) or maybe it's better for me to say I'm resisting the urge to edit the way things are and I'm playing with just holding what's there. So even praying that I can stay in the moment is a shift away from being with things the way they are.

And one of the ways things are is that I like to mess with stuff. I tend to wish things were different. I like to improve my situation. I'm not satisfied in a number of areas and I'm constantly scheming and strategizing how I can make things go more my way. And that's how it is. That's how I roll. Today. I'm not committed to always being that way!

So today's prayer that turned into gratitude even includes me being a little meddler of my life trying to arrange things to please myself.

Writing in Books

I have a habit of not writing in books. Even though sometimes I may get the urge to underline a passage or make a note in the margin of a book I own, I don't normally act on it. It's as though defacing the book will harm it or make it less valuable, like I'm going to resell it or something. I'm talking about non-fiction here, which is pretty much what I read mainly.

I never like reading books that others have underlined or highlighted - I won't even bother reading a book if someone else has scribbled in it - especially if it's in pen. It's like reading someone else's interpretation of the book layered on top and when I read a book, I want to read the author's words or my own interpretation.

During the yoga teacher training Robert encourages people to write in their books and I think it's fine but I just don't do it to my own books. It's like a respect thing for Saraswati, the goddess of paper and books.

Pick up any book in my house and there are no bent pages, no scribbles in the margins and god forbid, there are no highlighted passages. I use bookmarks and post its, which don't leave traces or signs that the book has been used. If I were to take my books in for resale (which I never do!) I'm sure I'd get top dollar. My books would be in "excellent condition."

But then something happened. When I was in Florida over New Years, I picked up a copy of a book that I had at home but that was Michael's. He had written in the book. In pen. Underlined parts. Comments to himself in the margin. Totally marked that book. I went to share a passage with him, the location of which I had basically memorized, because that's how I do it, sort of geographically. I noticed my judgement but didn't say anything. It was his book after all.

Before going to Florida the second time, I bought a couple of books to take along and read before going to meet Swami J. And I did something I hadn't done in years. I read those books with a pencil in my hand and I underlined things that struck me. I noted things in the margins. And it felt good. It felt like I was actively reading the book, getting my hands into it, as opposed to reading it behind a glass window. I got even more connected to it.

So when I got down there, I mentioned it to my friend about how I'd been influenced by what I'd seen and we had a big conversation about it. He feels that it's respecting the book to devour it with comments and highlighting. That writing in the book is a way of really using the book to its full potential. I explained that I feel influenced by other people's comments when I'm reading a pre-marked book. He said he loves reading books that have already been commented in because it shows the book is worth reading and is being used up.

After giving myself permission to write in my books, I've read another two that I would probably not have completed if it weren't for the fact that I had a pencil in my hand, allowing me to participate completely in the book's unfolding. I call it "active reading." I don't pretend I'm going to save these books and resell them. I'm just going to use them. Get the story, the info, and keep them around for reference, which they'll be great for because they'll have the places that were important to me marked and I won't have to hunt very far for that quote I want to share with my class or talk about in a discussion.

What's Your Mantra?

I was just sitting here, doing some japa to my guru mantra, and it got me to thinking. What's your mantra? Do you have one? Do you use one? Can you tell me or is it secret? Do you use more than one? If so, what's your system? I'm curious.

The mantra I use is the one that I was initiated with at Kripalu. It's not secret - anyone can use it and we did use it as a community way back in the day. That mantra is Om Namo Bhagavate Vasudevaya. The translation I was given is, "Thy will be done Lord, not mine," basically, "I surrender to what is."

While I lived at Kripalu, I did receive another mantra with a group of people during a retreat. It was supposed to be kept secret, except for those of us who were together that day. It was one syllable and I'm not going to try and spell it out here - I don't even use that mantra.

I like to chant the Gayatri Mantra and there are others too, but if I'm going to sit down and "do a mantra," the one I do is the first one. It's comfortable, I know it, it comes naturally to me now, and it seems to be effective.

So, what do you use?

Standing some more inside a giant jar of peanut butter

This is the final cut for now. Titles, music, and now it's time for dinner!

Standing Inside a Giant Jar of Peanut Butter

This is the draft of the video. I meant to edit voices out of this one but the way I did it meant that's not doable - I'll have to go back and work on it some more. I'm learning lots! I can hardly wait to shoot some yoga video stuff in front of a green screen. I'll have to work on a spot in Ottawa though as my time in Florida is quickly coming to an end.

It's fun!