Jamine the Yoga Teacher

Attending a Funeral Today

2012-01-14T11:29:00.005-05:00

I knew my dad had cancer and was being treated for it. I didn't know that he was as sick as he was - few people had any idea - even those closest to him. When I got the message that he was pretty sick, I immediately made arrangements to come down and see him. I spoke to him on the phone and told him I was coming. We told each other we loved each other and I had a funny feeling that it might be the last time I talked to him. As he lay in his death bed he told me he felt lucky to have such good friends and family. The big trip down to Kerrville, Texas, to see my dad became a trip to attend his funeral, however, as he passed away the following day.

His funeral is later this afternoon and I'm thinking about what I want to say about him. I wasn't that close with my dad. He left when I was young and moved far away when I was 13. We stayed in touch and had visits every year or two. There was a time when I felt annoyed with how he'd been with me. A few years ago it used to bug me that he'd send me emails with baby animals or angels or good luck wishes or the dreaded How to Keep Your Wife Happy sort of lists. I used to think my dad didn't "get" me, he didn't appreciate me, he was just trying to bug me by sending those impersonal emails. It finally dawned on me that he was thinking of me. He did love me, and that's how he was showing it to me (one of the ways). Everything changed that day. Instead of feeling annoyed by the emails from my dad, I looked forward to them. I shared his sense of humour, I laughed at the jokes he was telling me, and more importantly, I accepted his love the way he was offering it.

The last few years I had with my dad were much lighter. We'd play Scrabulous on Facebook. We'd have phone calls more regularly (especially when I was doing Landmark Education's Introduction Leaders Program). He drove up to visit. That's a long drive, but he did it more than once. He sent birthday checks for Remmy - late, but he'd get it eventually. When he'd visit we'd bowl on the Wii or play real Scrabble. We sat next to each other and did crossword puzzles. We played Yahtzee.

But one of the things I did almost my whole life with my dad was ride in the car. I remember sitting on his lap when I was little and driving. He tried to teach me how to drive standard while I was a teenager on a visit to Calgary (it took me some years to get the hang of it). It's when we were on long drives together that we'd really talk. We couldn't read or play Scrabble while we were driving so we'd have long conversations. I remember that being in the car with my dad was really comfortable. He was a patient, good driver. My dad didn't have road rage and yell at other drivers - and although many people would say my dad was the most non-judgemental person they've ever met, I would say they hadn't really taken a drive with him. But even then he was gentle and patient in his irritation.

My dad traded cars with people and it seemed like he always had more than one car. I know there were times when his driveway seemed full of cars, vans and motorcycles. He went on to become a bus driver for schools, the city, tour busses and for a while, the LRT system in Calgary.

The last time he visited me in Ottawa I was driving him out to visit everybody in my car (which if you know me, you know I absolutely love) and he commented on my driving. He told me he thought I was a really good driver. I left lots of space, signalled when I changed lanes, and he said he felt really comfortable with me in the car. That meant a lot to me coming from him.

So even though he's gone, I know I will still find him on long drives. I'll hear him in corny emails, and feel him when I choose to take a step back and let others go first. His nickname for years was Trudge. He was never in a hurry to get anywhere and honestly took life one day at a time. Some days if you see me trudging along, taking it slower than usual, you may be catching me at a time when I'm connecting with my dad.

I'm still not sure what I'm going to say at the funeral, if I'm going to speak at all. He was a special man who meant a lot to a lot of people down here and there will be many people who will speak if I choose not to. But I think I will share a few words at this occasion, even if it doesn't make sense to anybody else...the funeral's not for a few more hours so I have time to think about it still...

New Beginnings

2012-01-03T12:37:00.005-05:00

Happy New Year! And I mean it. I have had a happy new year so far. I hope you have, too.

This year I have a new body. People have come out and just asked me, "what's it like having no uterus?" or "how's it going having a hole where your uterus used to be?" so I figure I'll just answer frankly. So far, so good. To be honest, those questions do take me aback. When I think about what happened to me I get squeamish. I have a copy of the operation report I got from my GP and I can't read it all. It sort of pains me a bit. My breath goes shallow and my throat tightens and then it hurts my ginie.

You can't tell by looking at me that I had an operation recently (3 weeks ago today). Yesterday I went to my first Bikram yoga class. The day before that I went for a short run. My insides didn't fall out. I didn't pass out. And actually, since I had the operation I've had more energy than usual. I skip potential nap times and just wait until bed.

My uterus was the size of a 14-week pregnancy and the fibroids were 6 cm as I recall from previous reports. It must have been quite a handful of stuff but I didn't get a look at what they took out, even though I asked in advance. It seems like that space got filled up with my intestines and other stuff, because my pants fit the same even though technically I should have come out 2 pounds lighter. (I don't have a scale and then there was Christmas, so maybe if I hadn't had a hysterectomy my clothes wouldn't fit by now what with all of those cookies and turkey.)

I keep feeling like my period should be starting soon and then I remember I won't be having one again. And unlike a total hysterectomy where they take out your ovaries as well, I am not going into menopause and I'll still ovulate, but I won't have a period.

I have enough energy to do stuff but I hold back because I remember that I can't see where my surgery happened and I've been warned to take it easy and to let it all heal. Healing requires circulation so I know I'm supposed to be active, but not too active. Rest, but don't stay still for too long. I think I'm doing pretty well with that and having the recovery time coincide with the holidays was helpful so I'm not tempted to overdo it with work and other activities.

I'm not taking iron supplements anymore. No hormones. Nothing special. I do have some aches that may be because of my organs getting into their new positions so I take an Advil now and then, but really, I'm free. I'll be able to walk around Ottawa, which has a notable lack of public restrooms, because things won't be as urgent as they were. I'll be able to ride bike with my daughter in Paris. Wear white pants to yoga! So there's a lot of possibility in my future.

One of the main reasons they recommended I have the surgery is because I'm so young. To go another decade with anemia and the stuff that went with my condition would not have been good. So even though I resisted the news and the descriptions of the treatment, I can honestly say I'm grateful I did the operation. What a great way to start off a new year.

We Could Use Some Blankets

2011-12-20T17:13:00.002-05:00

One of the groups I teach yoga to is at a school in town where kids go who've been suspended or expelled. Their principal has been doing yoga for years and when he got this new school he thought yoga would be a great thing for the kids so they could learn to relax and deal with perhaps some anger and anxiety issues as well. So they've got me as their teacher a couple of times a week.

The class for these kids is optional, however, if they come enough times, they'll actually get a gym credit for it. I've gradually gotten more mats for them and recently as it got colder, I brought in some donated blankets. As time goes on in the school year, there are more kids showing up at this school because more kids have been expelled or suspended, and the yoga class gets a bit bigger. At this point, I have more kids than blankets in the yoga class.

By far the best part of the class for these guys is the relaxation at the end. So we don't do a hasty 2-3 minute savasana, we really give 'er and the final relaxation lasts 15 minutes. In addition to the usual lay down at the end of the class, because this is such a small group, I do the leg-jiggle-arm-jiggle-head-scratch thing if they want it (and they do), and then they do a super-sweet savasana.

They know there are only a few blankets so they have a system for who gets the blankets. Seniority definitely comes into play. They work out the rest. I think it would be great if I could get a few more so that everybody had one. If you have any spares, let me know.

On the Other Side

2011-12-19T11:52:00.003-05:00

It's all over. I'm on the mend. I made it to the other side. Nothing bad happened. It all went as planned and I'm healing. My impression of what happened in the hospital is that the surgery team was tight and focused and the recovery group was less directed, but it's all over and I'm fine. I had the operation later on Tuesday than planned because the operating room was running behind. I was in the recovery area by 4, had visitors by 6:30, spent the night and was gone by 7 am Wednesday morning. Slept most of Wednesday, hobbled around on Thursday and ventured out for real outings by Saturday. I opted out of the narcotics when I went home and got by on Tylenol and Advil and halved that the other day. I could probably even drive but I'm not doing that just yet for the sake of it.

I attribute the speedy healing to me being in relatively good health and knowing how to relax. On top of it, a week before the surgery I started listening to a recording to prepare me for surgery on the advice of someone who had recently been there. I think it really worked! I took it with me to the hospital and at one point in the surgical day care unit some of the nurses asked me if I was meditating because my vitals were doing something unusual. Not sure what it was, but they did ask.

Here's what I used - it cost $20, which seemed high for an iTunes download, but it was money well-spent in my experience.

Tomorrow's the Day

2011-12-12T19:36:00.003-05:00

It's been quite a roller coaster. At the time of me writing this, I'm feeling really quite fine, not even nervous. Earlier today I was super-sad, feeling a sense of loss about having a hysterectomy and thinking maybe I'd change my mind. "Wait! I want to have another baby!" "What do you mean I'll never nurse another baby?" and things like that. I sobbed. It really isn't too late. I could change my mind. But I'm not going to. As much as I love kids and I think I'm a great mom, I LOVE being a mom, I'm not going to do it again.

So then I'd think about the "freedom" I'll have when I'm not all bleeding and tired and awkward and that would make me feel a bit better but then I went to, "what if something goes wrong?" "What if they sew my vagina too short and I'll never be able to enjoy sex again?" "What if my libido never returns like those other women said?" And that freaked me out so I took a half an Ativan. That made all of those thoughts disappear.

I decided to stay busy and moved all of my later-in-the-week clients to today and that worked out well. As I led my yoga classes this afternoon, I breathed into myself as I always do and this time the breathing felt the same as it always did except that there was this feeling of new conditions. Last day of the uterus. Last day before going on a big trip of surgery including a night in the hospital. I got home and my daughter said the hospital called and I am expected at 10:45 in the morning. Great! I'll skip the traffic and freezing rain warnings and even be able to sleep in if I can.

Yesterday as I was in Yoga Teacher Training I almost blurted out - "today's the second last day of me having my uterus!" But of course, I didn't say that. I woke up this morning thinking, "today's the last day with my uterus - what should I do?"

That reminded me that I'd like to see it. I haven't asked yet if they'll let me look at it because I figure the answer will be a creepy no. But tomorrow I'll ask and maybe they'll let me look at it. My uterus. My womb. My daughter's home. I kept my daughter's placenta for ages in the freezer so I wouldn't put it past me to at least take a good look at this other organ. But hospitals aren't designed for that. Viewing of the tissues. I'm going to see what they say...

One other thing. Today's the last day of my uterus but you know what? It's also the last day of having fibroids. Yay!

Living Your Yoga Some More

2011-11-23T08:21:00.004-05:00

Last night Kat Mills and I wrapped up our penultimate Living (Your) Yoga session. One of the participants mentioned that she's really enjoying the classes and even though she had something she would normally have stayed home for, she didn't want to miss it that night, which was encouraging to hear. It's our first time running this class and it's great to hear that people like it. We're going to run it again in the new year - it will start January 10 and go for 8 weeks.

When I got home and walked up the few steps to my door, I felt so achy. Even though I said last post that I've gone back to Bikram and it's helping my joints, I guess I'm not doing it enough because my hips just hurt. It turns out that it's one of the side effects of the medication they gave me (Lupron) and it's normal that I'll have sore joints. Someone sent me a tweet that warned me of how toxic that drug is and how the symptoms don't go away afterwards and people are plagued with sore joints, night sweats, and depression for years. Oh well. It was an injection, so I can't undo it or stop taking it.

I just hope that it did the trick and shrank the fibroids enough to get out using what I'll call the "simple method" as opposed to a bigger cut that will be required if the medication didn't work. Even the "simple method" will require an overnight stay in the hospital.

I'm using this as an opportunity to surrender. Just like getting in a plane and going on a trip, which really scares me - I'm going to go on this flight of surgery and participate in our culture - and this is important to me. So I'll give up control; I'll trust the training the doctor has and listen to people who say he has a good reputation and others who've had the surgery who are really happy they did. Big breath.

Back to Bikram

2011-11-14T09:57:00.003-05:00

When I first came to Ottawa and wanted to go to yoga classes, I wanted something predictable. I didn't want to hear a new yoga teacher's spiritual take on life or try fancy poses, I wanted something comfortable and known. So I went to Bikram Yoga, as I had learned it back when I lived at Kripalu when Bikram himself came all the way from California to teach us. It helped that the classes in Ottawa were often taught by my old ashram brother, Luc.

Over the years I've done Bikram on and off. I hate it love it hate it love it if you know what I mean.

Lately I've had some tightness in my shoulder and wrist and I've adjusted my downward dogs and been careful on my hands and knees and I even talked to my trainer about it. "Jamine, you're getting old." Well, that did it. I walked straight into a Bikram class and went to work. My shoulder and wrist are about 90% better after 3 classes last week. That series is so therapeutic and if it doesn't kill you, it will definitely make you feel better.

As for the heat, the medication I'm on is giving me hot flashes, so I'm already there and it doesn't seem to make them worse. I would figure it's actually balancing me except that the stuff I'm on is intentionally unbalancing me so I don't want to mess with that too much. I'm preparing mentally to have surgery in just less than a month and it's probably not a bad idea to prepare physically while I'm at it. I don't want to be stuck with a sore shoulder and unable to move around, so I'll fix it now and hopefully it won't be bothering me afterwards.

Confusion - Fibroids - TMI

2011-10-27T14:15:00.005-04:00

I'm confused. I have had conflicting advice about which medication I should be taking and I don't know where to turn for information. I will be getting back in touch with my specialist but an appointment isn't that easy to get and the wait is long once you get one and I just want to know if I'm doing the right thing or not. I'll get unconfused, or I'll just continue along this way, but that's where I'm at. The details aren't that important but they include things like the medication that was supposed to send me into menopause didn't exactly do the job and I'm wondering now what.

In the meantime I've been contemplating my body and how it houses me and and how it really just runs itself provided I do certain things and I'm so grateful. It's confusing to think there's this big thing going on inside I can't see or really feel and it makes me feel so out of touch. Like there's a stereotypical teenager in my uterus doing her own thing and not reaching out except once a month to make a scene and then return to her room leaving me to wonder what in the world is going on.

When I asked my GP why people are saying I need a hysterectomy when all of these new-fangled surgical options are available, he described to me how the fibroids are growing. Basically they're "intramural" and the big one is incorporated into my uterus - it's not on it or something they could cut off. It's integrated and to get it out means taking out my uterus, too. So supposedly I can have this operation and continue to ovulate each month, although my mom kindly pointed out, "sometimes people go into menopause from the surgery even if their ovaries are left." Great. Not that menopause is that bad, but I was kind of looking forward to continuing to have my cycle even without menstruating. Who knows.

That brings me to menstruating. So I was getting ready to say goodbye to my period, having my final mixed feelings about it all, really noticing the blood (I'll spare you all the rest, just know I was really paying attention), and like the patient who doesn't die when pulled off the life support, my medication didn't do the trick and I had another opportunity to possibly say my last goodbyes to my period. By the time it finally goes I will have said goodbye a whole bunch. Like standing in the yard waving to family members in the car who drive off, only to come back 5 minutes later because they remember they forgot something, the goodbye I'm having has lost its initial dramatic feel and will be a simple nod by the time it finally gets on its way.

I could not have this operation. It's not life-threatening. But like going to Montreal, I could walk. Thanks to modern technology and cars and whatnot, I drive to Montreal. There are consequences and there's a price I have to pay to participate in this culture. Same thing. I could wait for my body to stop making fibroids, but there's another 10 years or so left of that, and while that's all going on, travel is difficult, teaching yoga for more than an hour is difficult at times, it's hard to plan, and my energy is wild. I could put up with it, keep looking for natural solutions and new yoga poses to do the trick, just do "watchful waiting" as it's described in the reading material. Or I could have it taken out, heal up, and be on my way. Everyone I've spoken to who has had this operation is happy about it. Even my 94-year old grandmother said she's glad she did it. Maybe I will be too.

Workshop Today

2011-09-18T11:53:00.003-04:00

Today's the day! Please come to the Rockcliffe Park Community Centre at 3:00 for a talk on How Yoga Works and Why it Might Make You Healthier and Happier. I am the privileged guest of the India Canada Friendship Circle this afternoon. I'll be sharing my experience about yoga and how it works.

Many people think yoga is just a bunch of physical movements, and unfortunately for a lot of people, that's all it turns out to be. Without integrating some of yoga's foundational principles and practices, the keys to yoga's power to transform your life and create greater awareness will remain unused.

Today we'll talk about how to use those keys. No physical effort is required!

Yoga in Safe Schools

2011-09-15T13:54:00.003-04:00

Last year I had the privilege of being invited to teach yoga as an experiment at a "safe school," a school where kids go if they've been expelled or suspended from their home school. We tried it as a test to see if it would help the kids relax and manage their stress. We weren't sure if we should call it yoga even, as the principal thought the kids wouldn't be into it, especially the boys.

I guess it went well because this year we've upped it to two classes a week. Today was the end of the second week and I have to say, I think it's going pretty well. We are going to organize it so what we're doing will count towards a gym credit for those who qualify for that, and it's optional so nobody has to go if they don't want to.

I'm compiling the work I'm doing now and making packets for the students, sort of like in the yoga teacher training program, but not quite. Perhaps this is something I'll be able to offer to other schools in the future. For now, I'm quite happy to celebrate with the guys when they see how this week they are a little more flexible than last week and appreciate seeing them soak up a quiet savasana, before heading back to the challenges they face in their busy lives.

How Yoga Works - India Canada Friendship Circle Talk

2011-09-11T09:55:00.003-04:00

Next Sunday I will be giving a talk on How Yoga Works and why it might make you healthier and happier at the India Canada Friendship Circle at the Rockcliffe Park Community Centre at 3 pm. Please come! There will be a question and answer section after the lecture part, which will be around 45 minutes.

To register for the session, please visit the India Canada Friendship Circle's website.

Am I Grateful Yet?

2011-09-09T15:09:00.002-04:00

I said that if I end up having surgery for my situation (read past posts) I'd want to be grateful when I did it. After months of herbs and prayers and things, I may be entering the Grateful Zone.

I got a call today from a clinic that said they'd try and get me in for a second opinion. Word is a doctor read my chart and said she wouldn't do anything different and doesn't have time to see me in the next six months. The person who left the message was really helpful and said she'd help me find someone in the community who could do a second opinion. I'll call her back.

Practising yoga all these years has luckily for me, made living in my body relatively comfortable most of the time. I haven't had big things to deal with up until the call from my doctor's office last year that freaked me out. Why would they call me for just me having low iron? I'm starting to get it.

It's not that my body is turning on me, it's that it's maturing, and with that, there are changes happening to it that I haven't had to experience fully until now.

I don't like the idea of a general anesthetic. I don't the idea of losing my womb. But really, this could be so much worse (and it will get that way if I don't treat it), and I'm lucky that I live in this age when both the energetic as well as the physical options are available. Colour me grateful.

Last Sunday

2011-08-28T07:43:00.003-04:00

For at least 4 months, this is the last Sunday I'll be teaching yoga in the morning. I will still be a part of the teacher training, and the workshops I'm offering will still happen, so I will still be teaching, just not every week like I've been doing for 10 years. It has been my discipline to teach on Friday nights and Sunday mornings and has given me so many opportunities to practice the yamas and niyamas, in particular brahmacharya, santosha, and tapas.

It takes something to get up and get to a yoga class on Sunday morning (any time really), but the people that make it out to a Sunday class are special. I've often said that if I weren't teaching that class I wouldn't be at it, and I don't expect you'll see me hanging out in the back of that class once I'm no longer leading it.

Back to those yamas and niyamas I mentioned. Brahmacharya to me is moderation, but in particular, don't do things that make you intoxicated because there will be a period afterwards where you won't be present as you deal with processing the excess, i.e., the hangover. Weekends are often when our culture allows people to let loose and get intoxicated and recover from the week they've just had. I've heard more than one person on Sunday morning say how hungover they were! As the teacher, it doesn't work for me to be hungover and teach, it just doesn't. So although I may enjoy myself on Saturday night, I've always got to be moderate and manage my time so I am ready on Sunday morning. It's not really a problem at all or I wouldn't have managed for a decade, but it's something I look at once in a while.

Santosha is being content with what is. This morning, for instance, I have a cold. I haven't had a summer cold in years it seems like, but this weekend I came down with a cold and I have to get up and teach. I'm really okay with that. But the nature of my job is that it doesn't come with sick days. If you don't work, you don't get paid and that's how it goes. Sometimes you can find a sub and sometimes you can sub other peoples' classes to make up for it, but often you just lose the class. So arriving to class content and even happy to be there is a practice too.

Tapas is heat or a burning enthusiasm. For me that's getting up early enough before leaving the house that I can write, take care of my own stuff, and be on time, ready to go, bringing forth energy to share with people to help make them getting up and to class worth it! Sometimes I joke about how great it is that people are in class because just think about what other people are doing - sleeping in, having a coffee in bed, reading the paper - and here we are doing great work on the mat. Again, it takes something from the people showing up that is not always a common trait - it's special to get up and practice tapas - and on Sunday morning our class usually does involve some heat and people are sweating well before the end in general.

Sunday morning classes have been an important time in my life - it shaped when I saw my daughter over the years - it complicated new relationships - it anchored my life in a way. After a decade or so of being tethered to my practice of teaching yoga each Sunday, I'm going to let Sundays go free and see where they take me for the next few months.

Making Changes

2011-08-21T07:36:00.003-04:00

After giving it some thought, I'm going to stop teaching my drop-in classes for the next few months, or the next session at Rama Lotus. It feels a bit radical but also so right. There is a lot behind the choice to pause, including what I've written in the last number of posts.

Starting in September, I won't be teaching any public drop-in classes. I will still be teaching on the teacher training team and leading workshops and teaching all of my regular non-public classes.

The major thing that not teaching every Friday night and Sunday morning brings me is, can you guess? Weekends! I will have a weekend in my life after 10 years of being committed each one. I'm hoping this will bring me opportunities to use my energy differently and look at healing my body, which is all good and serious, but what I'm really excited about at the moment is sleeping in! Going away overnight! Taking a workshop! Staying home!

I could go on and justify why the drop-in model is also tiring for me as a teacher, but that doesn't matter. I'm going to be on pause. Gratefully, the centre where I teach has said I can be off the schedule and I'll get my classes back in the next round. I may really miss teaching those times. It has been a part of my life for about a quarter of it and I didn't complain about the weekends. I enjoy this hour on Sunday morning. I love seeing who shows up. I love teaching Friday nights to help people unwind from their work week and set them up for a great weekend.

Given what I've got going on health-wise though, teaching 90-minute classes straight through isn't always workable, let's say. I sometimes need a break in that time and it is awkward to leave a class in the middle of it, at least the way I have been teaching my classes up until now. Maybe that will change and I'll build in a natural break. Or maybe I'll have my uterus taken out and I won't ever need to have that break again. I'll keep you posted.

On Second Thought

2011-07-29T12:20:00.004-04:00

In my recent post I said I didn't think what I was going through was worth having my uterus taken out but I'm starting to have second thoughts about that as I sit in my home feeling trapped for a couple of days while my period passes. I'd like my freedom back, actually.

The doctor's office called the other day with the date for my surgery. At first they tried to give me a date in September, but that was too close to my presentation for the India Canada Friendship Circle. Then a date early in October, but that was the weekend I am taking my daughter down to the States to review the Forum. How about the 18th. Fine. I half-scheduled it. I just said yes to please the system. I was still thinking I'm going to beat this.

Then I started thinking about what life would be like if I wasn't anemic and hemorrhaging every 3 weeks. That started to make me feel good. I go back and forth. I think, "what if this happened on the weekend I was supposed to be leading my workshop? That would be really distracting and uncomfortable." Then I flip to, "I hardly ever lead that workshop, so is it really worth having major surgery to take your uterus out just so you're not inconvenienced?" That turns into, "but maybe I'm not done having kids and I think I'd really like to have another baby, that might even make the fibroid better," which quickly goes to, "oh who are you kidding? You can't afford to have another baby and you wouldn't really want to you at your age."

The doctor I saw told me this, "if you were my sister, I'd recommend you have this surgery." The other women I know who've had the surgery are all grateful and I have yet to meet someone, although I think they're out there, who regrets it. My mom said, "it's common surgery now. They do it all the time. It's not experimental and the risk of something going wrong is small." She's right. They're right. But I don't want to get cut open and have my womb removed. I just don't!

However, the risks of significant blood loss over time are real and likely given how it's going. Even with the herbs, I'm running around trying to manage this situation. I'd be okay if this part were over. I could adopt if I really want more kids. Maybe I'll be a grandmother soon, who knows. (I use the idea that I'm really okay being a grandma and teenage pregnancy wouldn't be that bad as a deterrent for my 12-year old daughter.) I think it's likely that I'd be someone who would respond well to the surgery, who'd recover quickly, and be back to work within days instead of weeks.

The next step is to go and take the shot, which costs $500 that will shrink the tumour so it can be removed more easily. Once I take that shot my body will be sent into menopause temporarily. See, menopause would take care of this tumour naturally. But menopause for me is a good decade away most likely. If I have the surgery my doctor is prescribing, although I'd lose my uterus, I would keep my ovaries and still ovulate and have a cycle, just without the menstruation part.

I said I'd go in and get the shot when I'm back from Omega in a couple of weeks. They said okay. But I'm supposed to be on that stuff for 3 months before having the surgery and Oct 18 isn't 3 months away. So if I can get up the courage to go in and get the shot in a few weeks I'll be on my way and can reschedule the procedure as needed. Big breath.

Update - health and other things

2011-07-26T10:26:00.006-04:00

I really have not been comfortable sharing what's happening in my life, so I shut up. At the same time, I've been encouraging others to keep writing, keep sharing, knowing full well I could be doing that myself. I'm just at a hard spot and it's hard to put it out there.

Healthwise: I was terrified of going on a recent trip to Paris with my daughter due to the situation presented in previous posts. I made the trip manageable by staying in our own place, rather than finding a hostel or place where we'd have to share a bathroom. That made me relax, knowing if I had to get up a lot at night, it would just be my little family I was disturbing. I also made it so we were not traveling around, we just stayed in Paris. That way, if I wasn't feeling particularly mobile, we could just hang out at home for the day or two I'd need.

It turns out that worked out well. I more than survived and was quite comfortable. The other thing that really helped is Paris is full of free, clean, public toilets. And if those aren't available, the local restaurants totally let you use the washroom without feeling ashamed that you're not a customer.

My next hurdle is the upcoming trip down to the States to teach yoga. I'm pleased that my period has arrived early, so perhaps I'll have the bulk of things to manage, let's say, here at home. That's relieving.

So are the herbs helping? They might be. I haven't felt like I wish they'd take my uterus out or anything, but I really have to manage to make it feel that way. My Natural Doctor said it isn't time to have another ultrasound yet because the herbs will need longer to shrink the tumour. So I suppose I'll get another one in the Fall.

Dealing with anemia has raised a challenge for me, which I think I'm really taking on. I was feeling so tired and wiped out and so I slowed everything down, which resulted in more weight on me, less energy, and I don't think that helped. So I have picked the pace back up, returning to my gym and trainer, and dealing with some of the things that were stopping me from running (sore knee) and making sure I'm being more physically active in general. Hopefully this will result in less weight for me to be carrying around, as well as greater energy overall.

Relationshipwise: I haven't been writing about it but I have a boyfriend. He's been around for over six months now and if you've seen me in that time, you've probably met him, because we're together a lot. Maybe it's because I've been burned in the past while I've been blogging and I'm afraid to have to explain it all or maybe I'm just not there yet, but I haven't been talking about him. But just so you know, I have a great boyfriend. He gets along well with my daughter, and we're happy.

Workwise: It's summer and I'm not leading the summer yoga teacher training intensive as I have for the past two years, so I left that space open and I've been having a good time traveling and spending time doing not much. As a result, I have lots less money though, which does freak me out. As an entrepreneur, I need to be spending time finding new work and cultivating clients and stuff, but I haven't been doing that at all. I've been at the beach and in Paris, and really just enjoying myself. Things will pick back up in the Fall I trust.

Practicewise: I've been taking things easy, as I've already mentioned. I'm not meditating as much as I used to - I've been doing other things. Lately my meditation has sometimes taken the form of focusing and working with the fibroid. I'm "allowing it to be there" while I also take steps to have it go away, so there's a bit of a juggle I do internally, trying not to be a hypocrite, but really being present with what's happening in my body. I've been back with my trainer the past two or three months and that feels really good.

There you have it. The update. I won't take so long to do it again.

Yoga Retreat

2011-06-15T18:24:00.006-04:00

For the first time Kat Mills and I will be leading a yoga retreat together this summer. We are really excited about leading a retreat together. We love teaching yoga together!

It's happening Sunday, August 21 - Friday, August 26 on Juniper Island in the 1000 Islands.

If you've been with me and Kat before, you can imagine the tone of the retreat. If you haven't been with me and Kat before, just know it will be fun, funny, educational, experiential, light-hearted, relaxing, and refreshing.

We will practice silence everyday for a bit (practice being the key word there) and we'll do yoga a couple of times each day, as well as look at yoga in everyday life and how it fits in. We plan on taking the ancient teachings of yoga and making them accessible and applicable to modern life.

Let me know if you're interested in knowing more about it or to register.

Yoga and Hoarding

2011-05-24T16:37:00.009-04:00

I have recently found out that I'm close to some people who hoard. Without going into detail about who they are and the fascinating details about what's like to hoard I'll just post my thoughts about hoarding and how we all do it some ways and how yoga can be used to approach hoarding.

Yoga is the process of letting go of what's not you. In yoga, we let go of extra weight in some cases, but really the letting go is of old habit patterns and ways of thinking and acting that are not in alignment with who we really are. When we practise the yamas and niyamas for instance, we can go through a process of witnessing ourselves in our lives, waking up from habitual ways of being so we can live more consciously.

Some of us hoard weight. We started off thin as youngsters and then over the years, we kept adding and adding and not being able to shed what we didn't need anymore and eventually it can weigh us down so that we're carrying extra weight and it damages our health. Hoarders are like this with stuff. Some of us can relate because maybe we've held on to some things that are no longer needed or used and we can't really store those things anymore but we try. I've written a few posts over the years of my own personal struggles with letting things go.

Yoga also works like a digestive system. It can help us to integrate the things that have come before so we can take on more of life. Not just food that we take in, but experiences. Yoga helps us to get current in our lives, so we're not bringing along a bunch of stored up feelings or things to deal with.

People who collect stuff often don't have a way to get rid of it. I found that in my own experience. There was a system that brought stuff the house, but the system that recycled or donated stuff wasn't as efficient. When we see potential value in items, that can outweigh the cost it takes to keep the items around, and we'll keep on keeping things that have potential use, but not actual use. Those projects we meant to finish. The scrapbooks we mean to put together. The books we will read. It can really expand from there.

Letting go of bad habits whether they're destructive to our health - both physical and emotional/mental - or just displeasing to others, is often a really difficult process. We often keep these bad habits in place for a variety of different reasons, however, they often bring about very similar results: isolation, shame, loneliness, lack of vitality and many other symptoms.

I think that the teachings of yoga have helped me witness myself and my patterns in my own life and it has helped me have a lot of empathy for the people in my life who are uncovering their own patterns. Yoga for hoarders will be coming in the future!

(The picture is from a Google image search for hoarding. I'll see if I can get my own shots for future posts.)

Staying Fresh as a Yoga Teacher

2011-05-20T08:37:00.005-04:00

Lately I've run into a number of old students from the Yoga Teacher Training programs I've taught in over the years and they've mentioned that they could use some support staying fresh as a yoga teacher. Just like how the obstacles on the path of yoga are the same as the obstacles on the path to anything you want to do, staying fresh as a yoga teacher is the same as staying fresh at anything you want to do.

A few years ago I was on the Omega Institute campus talking to old friends one who was a writer and the other a midwife. The writer said, "if I have to write one more course description..." The midwife said, "if I have to say 'push, push' again..." and I was saying, "if I have to say, 'inhale arms up' one more time..." And we all laughed at how we were in the same place but in different professions.

It happens to a lot of people - when you've been at the same job for over 10 years or however long until you feel that way - you get tired of doing it. Sometimes it's just the natural process of getting older. We struggle when we're young to settle into a routine and sometimes after awhile we feel constrained by it.

What to do?

You could quit. It's at that point some people quit their jobs and find something else to do. There are pros and cons to that. If you aren't dealing with whatever are the underlying issues to your frustration, you'll run right into that again after you've been in your new job after some time.

You could take a break. Sometimes going on vacation or trying something else new will refresh you. If you haven't had a holiday in a long time, build in a break for yourself. The particular summer I'm referring to at the top of this post was one where my holiday was a working holiday. I taught more yoga while I was away and at earlier hours than I did at home. I didn't occur as a holiday at all!

You could do nothing. Just knowing there are days when you will struggle to find inspiration to do your job can help make it normal and just like the passing weather, you can rest assured it will change again.

Another thing you could do is dig even deeper into your profession. Rather than going away from it, you could get right back in there. Study more. Take new courses, get a mentor, and remind yourself of what fired you up in the first place to become a yoga teacher, writer, midwife, or whatever.

Nurturing yourself, connecting with others, exploring your profession - these are some of the ways you can stay fresh as a teacher.

Do any of you have ways that you stay fresh as a yoga teacher or other profession? I'd love to hear your comments.

Yoga Rules

2011-05-12T08:58:00.000-04:00

I come from a background of few yoga rules. I use a lot of "allowing" languaging. Anything goes. If you don't want to do it, don't do it. Listen to your body. You've heard me.

Every once in a while I get a group that challenges me and makes me come up with rules.

It makes sense that some groups will do better with clearer guidelines and expectations. The group I'm talking about in particular is the kids who've been expelled or suspended from school. They get to go to a special school, and I'm their yoga teacher. Their new principal is an old student of mine and he thought maybe yoga would help them to relax and learn how to cope better.

The first class had about 10 students in it and was awkward. A group of expelled and suspended students is a group of mostly boys, that's the reality. So we wondered how to present it so they'd feel good about going but not too weird to be in there with their buddies. Over the past few weeks we've worked it out but there were days when I had to take a big breath to walk in the door and deal with rowdiness, smoke breaks, phones on, people coming and going, the class ending early because everybody bailed, it was not what I've become used to when people pay to come to a yoga studio!

I worked with their social worker on the rules and we agreed: if you come in, you're in for the whole class. Come in on time or you can't come. No talking to each other during class. No texting - your phone isn't on your body. If you don't want to do a move, don't do something else instead. Stuff like that. Basic respect and manners. And I have to say the rules at the beginning of each class.

With those rules in place, we've had more repeat customers. They're learning some poses and sun salutations but the thing they seem to love the best is the relaxation where I touch them. I do the "leg jiggle, arm jiggle, head scratch" thing (the assisted relaxation if you've ever been in one of those classes with me).

Watching a group of troubled young men relaxing on their yoga mats makes me happy. It reminds me of the pride I felt when I was new with the police and would have a group of 20 guys (without their guns) taking 2 minutes to relax and how powerful that was.

It's taken a few weeks to get it together, but it seems like it's falling into place and having the other staff on board assisting me in holding space for these young people who choose to come to yoga (it's optional for them but 2 are doing it for gym credit) is making a difference and the kids are getting it.

The Herbs May Be Working

2011-05-11T08:02:00.004-04:00

It's probably too early to tell, and maybe I'm just really hopeful, but I think this next period I have is going to be closer to a normal one. I can just feel it. If it's not, I figure I'm in big trouble and will have to do something about it, so there is a lot riding on this one, and I'm hopeful.

What I've been doing since I last blogged is eating seeds like I said, and taking herbs to reduce bleeding, and balance my hormones because apparently the situation I'm in is in part due to raised estrogen levels, which is natural at this time of my life.

I bought a Blendtec blender and have added lots of raw foods to my diet - without eliminating other foods altogether at all, rather replacing some meals with smoothies, which has been a lot of fun. I've been tweeting my smoothie concoctions and apparently they're getting tastier - my daughter is quite particular about her smoothies.

It feels so weird to have been going on a certain way for 30 years and then all of a sudden to have things be so different. I know other life situations are like that, but this was an internal process rather than an accident or some external intervention, just that clock inside.

The women I've spoken to who've had the recommended procedure have not regretted it at all and said their lives are so much better post-surgery and I find that encouraging. However, I'm still determined to resolve this without medical intervention. It was the same thing with the birth of my daughter. I was prepared to go to the hospital if I had to, and at one point during the labour my midwives "threatened" to take me to the hospital if I didn't get my kid out (full disclosure: she was 4.9kg, really long, and her head circumference was actually off the growth chart, ouch), but because of the research I'd done that revealed that often medical intervention leads to more medical interventions, I was really motivated to do it myself. My mom's had loads of surgeries that have made me want to make sure I don't have that happen to me and very sad for how she's had to recover from extra interventions that would have not been necessary if extra care had been taken during the surgeries. If I can prevent that from happening to me, I'm going to do it.

Managing what I eat and what time I take all of the herbs and supplements and rub on the creams and I tell you, it keeps me on my toes. I'm not quite at the point where I need an app to tell me what time to take which tablet, but I can relate to those who do.

Seed Protocol

2011-04-21T10:28:00.003-04:00

I'm doing a "seed protocol" to manage my hormones and try and shrink the fibroid tumour that's being scheduled to be surgically removed at the end of the summer or beginning of fall (the earliest appointment available basically). Thanks to the visit to the natural doctor (made possible by the boost from the YTT graduates), I am on a regimen of seeds, tinctures, herbs, and dietary changes that accompany the plan.

I think it's working!

I'm taking flaxseed and pumpkin seeds now and in a week I'll switch to sunflower and sesame seeds.

I don't know if it's really working or not but in the past 10 days I haven't had any pain and I feel pretty good! I want to try everything I can before having a significant organ of mine removed.

Girls and Boys Yoga

2011-04-13T17:47:00.002-04:00

Today I led yoga to two very special and at first, seemingly different, groups. One was my morning group at CHEO (our regional children's hospital), where I lead yoga to people who are inpatients in an eating disorders program. That group tends to mainly be girls.

I also led yoga to a group of kids in a special school where kids go who've been expelled or suspended. That group tends to mainly be boys.

At first it may seem like they are really different groups with really different needs. The girls tend to be doing well in school and are often trying to please people. The boys tend to not be doing so well in school and don't seem to care what others care at all. But I see a lot more in common than different.

Both groups exhibit behavioural problems, which is why they end up where I meet them. Both ultimately need attention and love. They both are dealing with fear and anxiety and how to fit in. Both are uncomfortable in their bodies. They may seem like they're on opposite ends of a spectrum, but that's exactly where they meet.

It made for a challenging day, as these groups aren't always easy to lead, especially when people don't want to be in class unlike at a regular yoga studio, but it was very rewarding to see them take a few minutes to relax and let go even though those minutes seemed so short to me...

This is not a blog about Fibroids

2011-04-11T08:43:00.004-04:00

This is not a blog about fibroids, but it might be for a little while.

The yoga teacher training group graduated yesterday afternoon. The ceremony was touching, the flowers were gorgeous, and everyone seemed so genuinely happy. The new teachers shared, the guests shared, it was just about the best part of my job. And then I got home and opened a card from the class. I dropped it on the floor and burst into tears.

They'd raised some money for me.

I should have had a clue when I read the little card at the yoga centre. "Get well. Hope you feel better soon. Etc." "But I'm not sick! Hmm. They must have been reading my blog." I was warned to open the big card in private. That was a good thing.

I know I'm still in denial when I consider my reactions. But this morning I woke up fortified and ready to take on Project Shrink Giant Fibroid (and Avoid Surgery). Maybe I'll come up with a better name for it, but for now that's what it will be.

Any hesitations I've had to contacting a natural doctor have been lifted and I already put in a call to one this morning. I've researched natural solutions on the internet and may download an inexpensive ebook on the subject. I won't be afraid to buy supplements. And if I need to do the shots to block my period, I'll have some help paying for that process. So the money already has helped.

I feel all of a sudden super-supported. Not that I was feeling unsupported before, but now I feel really powered by goodwill and the reality that I've been charged with the task of healing my body. Thanks to everybody who's sent me their good wishes - either in person or comments on my blog or even just the positive thoughts. It has made a difference and I'm grateful.

Saw the Doctor

2011-04-01T07:37:00.004-04:00

If you're just joining me, this post is a continuation of the situation that I described here. I'll jump to the end and back up. I'm going to be scheduled for a hysterectomy late summer, early fall, as soon as they have an appointment.

WTF? Seriously? Me? And I'm supposed to take medication to shrink the fibroid tumour for a minimum of 3 months beforehand. The medication costs just over $500 per month. (I don't have that kind of insurance, so please buy all of my apps and get DVDs for your friends!)

I am still in shock and don't really believe it. Surely it's not that serious and can be handled with herbs and other medications and exercises - maybe there's a yoga pose that will shrink the tumour so I can keep my uterus! I'll visualize the fibroid getting smaller. I'll pray better. And I'll keep the appointment for now.

If I'd had insurance, he would have started me on the period-blocking drug right away. I lose too much iron each month and the drug would put me into menopause right away and help shrink the tumour so it'll come out easier during the operation. He said, "you're 44 and are probably done having kids. If you were 42 or younger we'd do another operation, which is more difficult but we'd try to save your uterus." He's probably right but I'm still surprised that I won't have more kids, nurse another baby and all that. I also am not ready to all of a sudden not have another period.

Having a period is what I identify with as part of being a fertile woman. And we're just going to turn it off and move into a new phase of life just like that? I'm confused. I want more information. I don't want to do it.

I've never had an operation. Never stayed in a hospital. My daughter was a home birth for goodness sake, I'm not about to waltz into an operating room and get a general anesthetic. When (and if) I go, I'll be ready and educated and grateful. Right now I'm not.

He said I need to take the period blocker for 3 months so I have enough energy and iron to make it. Continuing to have the kind of periods I have now will weaken me (totally true) and make the surgery unsafe.

I welcome your stories, suggestions, prayers, understanding during this time...I'm scared and sad and realistic. He placed my hand on my abdomen and showed me clearly where it is - I can feel it for sure with my hand on the outside - and I'm too young to not do anything about it. If I were older and closer to menopause it would likely shrink on its own. Big breath. Here we go...

Social Media for Everybody

2011-03-30T07:41:00.005-04:00

Next week I'll be leading a workshop series about using social media and covering topics such as how to use Twitter and Facebook, how to set up a blog or do simple website and how to stream video to create webcasts or share live interviews.

"But wait," you say, "Jamine, you're a yoga teacher. How do you know so much about these other things? Can you teach me?" One of the things about how I teach computer stuff is that it's a lot like how I teach yoga stuff. I really believe that anyone can do yoga. I also know anyone can tweet or use Facebook or learn how to do some of the simple multi-media things that make interacting in the interwebs so fun.

I have computers in my history. My father was a computer programmer back in the days when they filled whole rooms. Fun party favours at the Christmas parties were Snoopy cartoons printed out on that wide printer paper using characters to create the shapes. My grandparents gave me a calculator for my tenth birthday. (Okay it's not quite a computer but totally related.)

I did not study computer programming in school but went in to Film and Communications at McGill in the English Department. I was the only one I knew who had a computer. It was an Atari, hooked up to my TV as the monitor. I called home for files using a modem that had my corded phone that jammed and whined into a big thing on my desk.

After university I went to Kripalu, where I was a spiritual lifestyle trainee, and after 3 months of being on a cleaning crew (beds, toilets, mopping, etc.) I was offered a job where I was to teach yoga teachers how to use their computers. "Seriously? I don't know how to do that." "We'll train you," came the answer. It wasn't my only duty as the administration assistant for the Programs Department, but it was one of them. "How do I make it bold again?" came the questions. "What's a desktop?" "I can't find my file!" I would design little workshops for them and train a few people at a time in our tiny computer room.

In my free time I would check my email on GEnie where I'd get letters from my mom in Ottawa and my grandmother in Huntington Beach. (I still get email from them but it comes in colour and with pictures!) I played Tetris until the blocks fell in my sleep. Those Tetris blocks fell in front of my eyes as I watched more than one big name spiritual teacher do his thing. (Sorry Pir Valyat, I could still see you whirl but there were blocks coming down on your head.)

After Kripalu I moved to Omega where I helped implement their first website. I did not choose the domain name, I'm sorry to say because the first one had a hyphen in it and was hard for people to remember (good old www.omega-inst.org). In my lunchtimes during the summer I offered courses for staff in how to "surf the 'net." I bought my first big computer for thousands of bucks and it was supposed to answer my phone and do everything. It was in the back of the trailer I was living in during the summer. I was jamine@AOL.com for a while. You might say I was an "early adopter."

I bought my first laptop computer while I was working at Omega and there was a while where the computer on my lap was worth more than the car I was driving, which I thought was hilarious. (I didn't have the computer on my lap while I was doing the driving, that would be when Chris was driving me to work!)

After Omega I was in South Africa, where I actually tele-commuted back to New York, to complete filling in the summer catalog data into the website. That was expensive because back then, we paid for phone time unlike here, and the connection was slow and it took forever to update the site.

That was 12 years ago. Since then, I've had more computers, offered more training, had the domain Jamine.com, which I let lapse and now sells tea I believe. I've had a cell phone since I moved here back when Telus was Clearnet, and when I got my iPod Touch a few years back I wanted to find a way to get my own data into that little machine and started a company to build apps for that gadget. In fact anyone who's got some text or a photo or sounds can build their own app - it's for anyone!

So when an old yoga student wanted to meet for coffee to talk about computer related stuff and found out more about what I know about these social media he asked if I'd lead a workshop on it. "Are you kidding? I'd love to. This stuff makes my mouth water."

The first series starts next week and goes Tuesday and Thursday afternoons for two weeks. I want people to try things and come back with questions. For this first series we'll be in my living room. If it grows and more people want to learn, maybe we'll find a different spot, but for now it'll be cozy and you're welcome to come!

New to Yoga

2011-03-23T14:02:00.003-04:00

Today I led a lunchtime yoga class to a group of people, some of who were really new to yoga. The deal was I'd come one time and then they'd think about it, gauge the interest in continuing and get back to me. It was a nice feeling for me that at the end of the class, one of the people who was newest to yoga was like, "when are we doing this again?"

I may not end up being their yoga teacher again, and that would be fine, but what I liked was that someone's introduction to yoga was pleasant. I like it when people have a good impression of yoga.

Lent Update

2011-03-20T07:31:00.004-04:00

It's still Lent out in the Christian realms, however, as I wait for my little coffee to be finished brewing, I can tell you it's all over for me. I'm open to the possibility of starting back up again in a day or two, but for now I'm out. There's a combination of reasons I can give for why it just didn't work for me to continue with my dietary restrictions including going to visit friends in Montreal and not wanting to eat weirdly while at their house (they wouldn't have cared), and not starting the diet originally for Lent-y reasons, but some other reasons, and I was just piggybacking them onto the convenient Lent season. But they're just reasons. What happened is I stopped...

And I started... a little coffee again, and a bagel in Montreal (who wouldn't?), some wine with a friend, then my sister's birthday cake, and alas, I'm almost back to normal noshing.

Someone told me last week that during Lent you get Sundays off and can have whatever you gave up for Lent on those days. That little crack in the wall helped, too. I guess for some it's a relief valve, but I just don't really have a strong context for all of this stuff, so I'm going to keep reading the material and do personal inquiries around it, but I think I will do that while having a little cup of coffee in my hand.

On another note, I heard back from my doctor and they've found someone who will see me at the end of the month instead of at the end of May. And then I got home too late on Thursday to return the call - they've seen the ultrasound and I should call the office. I call first thing on Friday and get to listen to my doctor's voice say they're out of the office until March 28. Oh well. I'll keep hanging on for just a little while longer! Hope I make it through my class today - I'm nervous about it...

Lent

2011-03-10T10:06:00.008-05:00

I don't know what Lent is or means. But I'm going to find out. I've heard whispers of it over the years but I didn't really ever know anyone who did any Lenten practices that I knew of.

We practice the yamas and niyamas in yoga and some of what people are invited to take up during Lent are similar to what people take up during their training when we look at restraints and observances. So I'm familiar with those types of practices. In addition, I've recently, like right about as Lent was about to start, chosen to do a yeast-free diet to see if I can get rid of some symptoms I've been having that have been exacerbated by having a fibroid or maybe are making the fibroid more noticeable (see earlier posts).

So I'm going to do no sugar, dairy, caffeine, refined flour, bread, potatoes, alcohol, fruit, vinegar or fermented anything. And I'm going to do it for Lent this time and just see what happens. I've done the yeast-free diet before for long periods, so I know I can do it for 40 days. It's tough, but I'm on it.

After I looked into some Lenten stuff through a friend's blog, another friend mentioned on Facebook that he was signed up for an eCourse on Lenten practices that was starting in a day or two. So I signed up. And then I heard about Ash Wednesday and I wanted to be a part of that ritual, so I found a church that was having a service at a time I could go and I went to a Catholic mass and got some ashes on my forehead to mark the beginning of this journey.

Our homework today in the course was to look at images of the Annunciation and notice the little wall that blocks Mary from the angel. Look at where we have blocks in our lives to our spiritual selves, or our creativity, or anything we notice.

I still don't know what it means, but I'm having fun so far looking into this ancient ritual.

Sunday Snow Day Yoga

2011-03-06T07:54:00.003-05:00

It's snowing out. I'm definitely going to teach my yoga class but I'll be honest, if I wasn't as committed to being there as I am, I might just roll back into the covers in my warm bed and skip the class. So I know that whoever shows up at today's class is probably a lot stronger than me. It takes a person with a lot of tapas, burning enthusiasm, to melt the snowy haze of a cold Sunday morning and get into yoga clothes and on their mat at a yoga studio across town.

If you are like those yoga students who will be in class in an hour, see you there. If you're a little more like me, you could always do some yoga on my app, or one of the other apps that CYP published for you to use at home. There's even my DVD that can encourage and lead you through some yoga poses, but you'll have to contact me directly if you want one of those :)

No News

2011-03-04T09:28:00.002-05:00

After a week of waiting to hear about an appointment from a specialist I thought I'd call just to find out when that appointment is and all of that. Being on hold is something I'm getting used to these days after having to deal with multiple cell phone companies, so I have had the opportunity to breathe and practice relaxing when I don't feel like it. 15 minutes later she found my referral and appointment time.

So the appointment is in the middle of May. That is not satisfactory to me given that I've been having my period for almost 2 months and I requested an earlier appointment or a different new doctor. My GP hasn't even seen the results from the test I had last Saturday so the receptionist will follow up she said. I asked if she wanted me to call the lab but she said she'll do it and get back to me.

I'm not freaked out because my period has lightened up to almost nothing finally but I know that it's just a matter of days before it will all start again and any sense of normalcy I have at the moment will dissipate. So I'm balancing being proactive without freaking out - commitment versus attachment. I'm committed to getting an earlier appointment and getting a doctor on my team sooner rather than later, but at the moment I don't feel attached to it. Worst thing is I wait until May, or bleed to death before then. I'm kidding. I'll go to the hospital before then if it's serious, okay?

Natural Shiva Lingam

2011-02-28T19:45:00.004-05:00

Every year I get this natural ice sculpture outside of my window. Today I looked for it and it was knocked over. Maybe because it was delicate in parts this time. With a month still of winter potentially, there may be some more lingam development, but if not, it'll be back next year.

So it's a Fibroid (fibroidasana)

2011-02-27T07:36:00.004-05:00

The technician wasn't supposed to tell me but she did. I have at least one really big fibroid, which may very well explain why I've been having the symptoms associated with having fibroids. But it's not for sure the reason and who knows - maybe a doctor - one that I'll go to see soon. And in case you're not following the links, having a big fibroid is not going to kill me or have me out of commission or anything. It's a nuisance, it drains my energy, and it may require surgery, but it's not any kind of cancer or anything like that, so don't worry.

I feel relieved on the one hand. Relieved to know there was "something" likely causing my symptoms and it's not just early onset menopause (I wish at this point). Relieved that other people, even people in my family, who've had to deal with this and are fine. Even the tech who did my ultrasound shared that she'd had some removed, had a procedure that's used to take care of this and she said her energy is back, she feels great and has the period of a 16 year old again (very light)!

It turns out that the medication I took for 6 weeks to try and address some of the issues I was having likely made the problem worse. Ooops. Oh well, guess I just wasted some time and 60 bucks on pills and made it so the problem is that much more acute.

I guess I'll be holding the pose of "fibroidasana" now. I'd like to handle it naturally, of course. I've never had an operation, I even had my baby on the bed at home, and I'm not that into being put to sleep by a general anesthetic. However, I'm not totally against it and if that's the route I'm supposed to take, I'll take it.

While I wait for a confirmation of what the tech saw (technicians work Saturday mornings but radiologists don't) I'll keep gathering information (especially on natural remedies). I'll breathe into the sensations (it's on my left side covering my left ovary in case you want to do a visualization that will help shrink it with me). I'll relax and know that it's a sign of life (a life that's getting older in a body that's showing signs).

At that Invisible Place

2011-02-23T22:50:00.004-05:00

I’ve gone invisible. I haven’t been blogging for a number of reasons, but the biggest one is that there’s a health issue that’s been going on for sometime that’s started to make me feel like my body’s out of control. As a yoga teacher to have my body feel like it’s out of control is extra scary – isn’t part of my job to be healthy? So what happens to me if my body breaks down? Can I teach? Do I have a job?

The way I teach right now, the answer is pretty much no, I don't have a job. I teach to people as a contractor, so if I don't show up, I don't get paid. I don't make money for workshops I design and have others lead, I only earn money if I'm on site. That has always felt honest to me, but with the health stuff coming up, it feels pretty risky. If I have to take a week off, there's no money coming in, and no promise that I'll get my classes back or my workshop spots back or anything like that. That's one of the aspects of being self-employed in the service industry that's unripe and makes me understand while people do form unions and create safety nets, but it's also one of the things I have appreciated about it from an entrepreneurial point of view.

Being a full time yoga teacher, able to teach classes regularly, take the time to design course materials for workshops and trainings, and be available for student's correspondence, means I don't have another job. Lots of yoga teachers work full-time at jobs and then teach yoga on the side and I would recommend that's how people for sure start out because earning enough as a teacher to not only be paid for your time but enough that you can save to have benefits or savings or take a vacation, is unusual. Lots of us live simply so we are willing to earn what seems like a lot of money per class at times, but when weighed out over time, isn't very much at all. We don't teach yoga for the money, let's put it that way. Or what seems like a great income when you and your family are healthy may not be there when you get sick or need to take extra time away with your family.

So hopefully we yoga teachers will stay healthy long enough to share yoga with people who want to learn. And over the past year I took on a project to earn money for myself and other yoga teachers as an alternate source of income and another way to provide teachings of yoga (that's the company, Capital Yoga Publishing). It's still a baby and won't pay for my vacation anytime soon, but it's a start.

The invisible place is being a woman in my 40s who's now for sure out of my youth. My periods have gotten heavier and way longer. As a result, I have low iron and I'm afraid to check again because I must be anemic by now. I've seen my doctor, I've tried hormone replacement, and I'm waiting now to see a specialist. My energy is zapped, I'm numb in parts and even though I practice yoga like I used to, I feel nervous and not sure if I'll have the energy to do everything I've got planned for my day. When I'm on the spot, leading a class for 90 minutes, sometimes I'm not sure I'm going to make it through the whole class without having to run out to the washroom to deal with the menstrual flow. Sometimes I've had to leave the class and run out and come back. Yoga is also taught these days in tight pants. They're comfortable but often revealing, so to wear enough support means having it show through the clothes, which can feel awkward. The whole thing feels awkward. I'm in a place at the moment where I would welcome menopause. My period keeps me up at night many nights and I've been having it for well over a month.

This doesn't happen to most women in their 40s. It won't happen to many people but apparently it runs in my family and I'm not sure how to handle it. It's scary on a physical level and if I had the kind of job where I could just excuse myself briefly and that was normal, maybe work life would be okay. But as it is, I'm on, eyes are on me, and it's tricky.

One of the courses I teach that's been actually something that has made teaching through this change in my body is the teacher training. The groups can be working together and if I have to go to the washroom every half an hour it's not a big deal. Sadly, I won't be teaching the training in the summer as I had expected. The centre where I teach is also feeling scared and wants to broaden their safety net of teachers. So they've decided to have someone else lead the summer program and I'll be back on for the fall they've said. This is motivating me to move my teachings in a direction where I can lead more groups the way I'd grown to love in the teacher training format and not have a centre decide if I'm teaching or not. It's going to take some time to develop ways to be an independent teacher, especially a way to market and advertise courses, but I think I owe it to myself to create work in my field as a yoga teacher, that's more secure or feels more that way. Obviously no one's secure and things can change at any time, but at least making a plan for it seems like a good idea.

Project Get Good Sleep

2011-02-18T07:27:00.001-05:00

I wasn't always a terrible sleeper. As a child I had no problems sleeping. As a young adult sleep did not elude me. I think it was after my daughter was born that my sleep was disrupted enough and over time it wore on, wore me down and a decade later, sometimes it's really hard to get solid sleep. I also think that as we age, uninterrupted sleep is harder to get, but I'm no expert.

This past summer I noticed that I was feeling sleep deprived and stressed more than usual and I took it upon myself to develop some guidelines to give myself a chance to have a decent night's sleep when I needed it. These aren't everyday guidelines necessarily, but are the big guns I use when a solid night isn't imperative (that would put too much stress on the situation), but is likely. Then I can be fortified the next day with the knowledge I had a good sleep, I get the real benefits that come from having a good night's sleep, and the relaxation that comes from knowing I've done what I could to take care of myself.

Most of what I'm going to type here is common sense and you can probably already find loads of articles about these items. These are my personal guidelines.

Project Get Good Sleep Guidelines:

Go to sleep at the Right Time. Be in bed ready to sleep before 11. By 10 is even better. But not too early. Not before 9:30.

Eat the Right Amount at the Right Time. For me this means I can't go to bed hungry or else I'll wake up, and I can't go to bed full or else I'll be digesting and that will wake me up. So dinner after 6 and before 7:30 is what works for me.

Don't Drink Too Much Alcohol. Too much wine makes me sleepy but then wakes me up in the middle of the night. So if I've had anything to drink, I try to make it happen with dinner so it's all done by 7:30.

No Talking After 9. This isn't strict, but I try not to talk on the phone or have any conversations that are going to require that I think a lot or have any emotional content before bed. I'll talk by texting or maybe an email, but I try not to gab after 9. (This is just for Project Get Good Sleep, remember?)

No Electronics in Bed. Again, not strict, but I don't have a TV in my bedroom anymore and if the computer's in there, it's limited to low key activities. I put the wireless devices on airplane mode so I don't get email. The strict version has no computer, iPad, phone, nothing that will beep or light up.

Hot Bath. I find that after I take a hot bath, I'm dopey and good for just about nothing but sleep. So a hot bath is key for me in setting the tone for bedtime if sleep is what's in store.

Responsibilities. If I have an inkling that tonight might be a night for Project Get Good Sleep I make an extra effort to tie up loose ends during the day, so I don't go to bed and wake up remembering to do something important or wondering if I shouldn't handle such and such.

Exercise. Making sure that my body has had sufficient exercise makes Project Get Good Sleep more likely. It's also a way to get tired - tire out the body in a good way.

The Bed. Not that high up on the list obviously, but fresh sheets, the Perfect Pillow, room temperature and brightness/darkness, can also factor in, so I make sure I'm set up to be not too hot, not too cold, not woken up by the lights of downtown, and all of that good stuff.

Opportunity. Project Get Good Sleep is not something you may be able to have every night. If you're living a full life, there are many nights you're out late, you're eating late, you're having a blast and travelling and having fun with friends or working on exciting projects until the wee hours. These are guidelines for the times when you have a chance - or you need to build in a chance - to get a good night's sleep every once in a while. I find the more I tackle it and know that when I have a chance I'll get a good night's sleep, I'm more relaxed on the night's when I can't, and I know that I have it in me to create a night of good sleep for myself.

And there you have it. Jamine's personal guidelines for Project Get Good Sleep. Thanks Twitter, for asking!

My Own Practice

2011-01-24T19:34:00.004-05:00

Yoga classes tend to be an hour and a half these days. Some are shorter, some are even longer, but usually they're about an hour and a half. I like doing what I do in my class on my own, but it doesn't take me as long because I'm not describing any of it, so I just do it. I find I can do most of what I usually lead in my intermediate class in about an hour. I also like to add meditation to the end of it because that feels right, especially if I haven't already done a meditation and if I don't have anything else I have to do right afterwards.

Traditionally people will do their practice first thing in the morning, before the sun rises and it gets hot. That's not my circumstance here in Ottawa and I have a kid at home getting ready for school, so I always wait until she's out of the house and then I can do my practice. Midday or late morning feels good if my schedule allows. I don't have the stiffness from the morning, nor the hunger, and if I time it just right I can eat breakfast and practice before a sort of later lunch. Some days I just meditate and don't do asana practice. Other days I go to a class someone else is leading.

As I get older, I notice more of a difference if there's a gap in my practice. I get stiff sooner or my concentration goes away faster. So I'm motivated to keep it up because restarting can feel disorienting and sometimes deflating. But sometimes my life doesn't allow me to keep my routine or the order as I like it. And I'm not a victim, I could fight for my routine, but sometimes it's important to let something else in, like more work, or other people! Finding the balance is one of my hobbies. It goes off balance and I try and regain it. I figure I'll always be able to find it even though sometimes I worry that I won't.

I missed blogging here

2011-01-23T08:05:00.003-05:00

Since I moved my blog, I haven't been blogging. That's funny. I integrated my blog with my main web site and then I got shy. I didn't want my "customers" having to read my daily surprises I guess. Or I thought my daily a-has or updates on my love life would be not professional, which they're not, so back to my personal space for moment.

It's Sunday morning - time for me to get ready to teach yoga. The house is quiet, it's still outside too, and it's a special time for me as I get ready to be one of the few cars on the road heading to a place where the people who show up are really special too. To get up and be at a yoga class on Sunday morning really takes something. And to do it regularly instead of laying around or having a coffee in bed, doing a crossword or whatever people do when they lay around in bed, I think says a lot about those people.

I recently got a new boyfriend, which feels amazing, and the urge to lay around in bed on Sunday morning instead of getting up to teach yoga is so strong that I made sure I was alone last night. I hate having to fight with myself to get up. I prefer to bounce out of bed and get on with my day. Feeling torn may have some romantic ring to it, but it feels crappy to me, so I just nipped it in the bud and said, "No. I want to be alone Sunday morning."

I never meant to teach yoga every Sunday morning for 10 years. I meant to do it temporarily until I had my personal life settle and then I'd go back to having weekends. It's been at least a decade since I had weekends in my life. Now I feel that pull to have a weekend again and maybe if things work out, I'll have my dream of being able to quit teaching yoga Sunday morning so I can remember what people do that's lazy and makes it Sunday morning. But these are early days and I'm up and out of here to teach my class...

Blog is Moving

2010-11-23T17:06:00.002-05:00

Hey! My blog is moving to my website, www.capitalyoga.com, which has been my website for a long time but I hadn't updated it in a long time either. It's now up and running although it's encountering some "stuff" as it's going up. So look there for the latest posts beginning with today's post, Integration.

See you there!

Meditation - with Interruptions

2010-11-22T08:38:00.005-05:00

I thought I had it made this morning. I was sitting in my old meditation spot (it's a bit more comfortable than my "new" meditation spot) and I was at the end of my meditation feeling pretty satisfied with myself. This morning I managed to hear the running and noise from upstairs and hear the trucks and cars outside and not fixate on how I need to move to a different part of town or a different town or a different country.

I just let the sounds be there and was good with myself and could feel I had just less than a minute to go when my front door went flying open and someone came running into the house. In my neighbourhood it could be anybody running into my house.

But it wasn't, it was my daughter. Thanks to this morning's freezing rain in Ottawa her field trip to the Senate was cancelled and she wanted to wear jeans so she came home to change. She was with friends so the energy was that of a 12 year old multiplied by at least a thousand. So my little meditation vibe came crashing down on me. It's quite alright and was even kind of funny. She was gone almost as fast as she'd come in and my allotted time was up anyhow.

I mean, it's nice when things can be all soft around the edges, but sometimes it's not. Life's kind of like that.

Yesterday on CBC'sTapestry I heard part of a conversation about living a spiritual life in the city (Soul in the City) and the challenges that come with it. I could totally relate to the teacher and if you have the time, I think you might enjoy taking a listen.

Assumptions

2010-11-19T08:57:00.005-05:00

One of my Facebook friends posted this video last week and I was moved by it so much that I showed it to the yoga teacher training group last weekend. It speaks for itself so if you want to watch it you'll get the message, which is basically, everybody's dealing with something, so be gentle.

To facilitate movement in life we make assumptions about events and what is good behaviour and what is poor behaviour and then we react accordingly. We do this in larger groups and that becomes our "culture." But the truth is that unless we get in a little closer, we don't know why someone is doing what they're doing. Until we remember this though we often react by doubting ourselves - What did I do to upset that person? Surely I did something or else they'd call me back or keep writing or they wouldn't do that thing that we find out of line. Sometimes it goes the other way and we get mad at people, assuming that they know the impact they're having - why did he do that? Doesn't he know that bothers me? Don't they know that's not okay? And when people's behaviour seems off to us, we get all on our high horses and make judgements so we can be right and our world can make sense.

One of the things that yoga does after time is it takes us to a place of seeing ourselves so closely that we can be surprised and humbled by our own humanity and weaknesses and at the same time, open to our massive capacity for compassion and love for ourselves and all of the people and beings around us.

Sometimes people are responding to what we're doing and it's a great time to check ourselves and notice the impact we're having on the environment we're in. Sometimes people are being rotten and it's best to reduce our interactions with them if we can.

Noticing when we think we're right about someone or recent events or other incidents can clue us in to when we may be making assumptions. That's a good time to ask ourselves what else it could mean and give the people in our lives the benefit of the doubt without rushing to judgement. After that we can take action by responding accordingly.

May All Beings Be Happy :)

Beginners are Tough

2010-11-18T08:05:00.005-05:00

I warn people during the teacher training that leading to beginners is harder than they think. Leading a beginning yoga class takes some skill and understanding that leading to people already used to a yoga practice takes to a different degree. At first it seems counter-intuitive - beginners can't "do" as much because they have a lot to learn, so it'll be easier. It's not. Trust me.

Let's look at a beginners class...

People coming to a beginning yoga class often have not done yoga before (there are lots of exceptions as I have had the same people coming to my beginning yoga class for years) and so they are coming for a reason. Do they have a physical issue they want to correct? Did someone recommend yoga? Chances are they're coming because there's something wrong and they want to fix it. They've heard about yoga (who hasn't?) and they want to give it a try.

So the teacher is going to need to be familiar with typical issues people come in with - sore backs, being overweight, tight hips, lack of sleep, arthritis, injuries, knee pain - etc. And the teacher has got to be willing to NOT deal with those things. Be aware of them but not treat them. Everybody wants a simple exercise that they can do that will help their back, neck, belly fat, whatever. It does NOT exist and the teacher needs to resist the urge to fix people. We need to be prepared however, to accommodate their situation with alternate moves so they can get themselves into the poses without further injuring themselves.

Then we have to deal with the fact that people in beginners classes have not already been doing yoga in general (see above for exceptions). People who are not already in a habit are going to possibly be harder to "convert" to a new habit than people who are already in a stream of doing that thing. Same is true for getting books read or other habits in place - how many books do you have on your shelves that you started reading but didn't get through? It really takes something powerful to get people to keep coming back to yoga.

If you've got people in your class with pain and they start a yoga class, chances are they are going to start feeling more of their pain at the beginning and this can be an unpleasant process. As people get more aware of their bodies, they get aware of the discomfort they're in and to get over that and be willing to be faced with it weekly or however often the class is, and it's tricky.

Sometimes people are super-motivated to come to class because they've had a huge change in their lives like being diagnosed with cancer or is losing someone close to them and they will do anything to relax and try to line things up because there's a lot at stake. So they're serious, they don't want to mess around and they don't feel they have time to lose. Those guys need to be handled so gently and offered such a big space to relax and be - holding space for people while they're grieving is a tall order. Once you're trained in doing it it's an immense privilege, but along the way, the yoga teacher can come face-to-face with her own inadequacies and unresolved fears and grief, too.

Moving along...

Beginning yoga students tend to do what you tell them to do as best they can and will try to copy the teacher. If you're a new yoga teacher there's a good chance you like yoga, you're "good at" yoga and you've been doing yoga lots longer than your students. If you go up to the front to demonstrate your full version of the pose, your students are going to knock themselves out trying to follow you. It takes something for the teacher to be aware of her full expression of the pose and resist the urge to go there while guiding her students. It's one thing to inspire and motivate them, but the line is so fine as not only will your students possibly hurt themselves copying your form, they'll think they're supposed to look like you, the teacher, and they're not. They're supposed to look just as they are.

I had an experience this summer while I was at Omega where a famous workshop presenter buckled under the pressure of leading to a diverse group. Her workshop basically fell apart and I was called in to help pick up the slack in the yoga teaching area. When I asked her what happened, she said that the group had so many different expectations and were at all different levels and she didn't know what to do with them. "That's my speciality," I told her as I took her group off of her hands and led the last couple of days' yoga classes. At that moment I realized that even though I'm not the fittest, stretchiest, hottest yoga teacher around, the experience I have from being with beginners wherever they are at has translated into a skill that is useful to me everyday when I teach.

New Life

2010-11-17T10:16:00.003-05:00

In Ottawa, recycling goes out every other week, so if one week you put out plastic and metal, the next week you put out paper. And although I'd done a bunch of clearing out before last week's garbage, the stacks of paper had been waiting for many days patiently on the back step for me to put them out.

I came home after yoga last night and began the process of putting the garbage out and then I was face to face with my resistance. Even though I had already decided that my old Who songbooks and magazine articles were ready to go, when the time came to actually put that stuff out on the curb I still wanted to hang on. I considered retrieving some of the notes of great ideas I've had that were in the pile.

Fortunately I have some company around this stuff right now and I was able to have a short conversation about the kind of life I want. I am so ready to have things change. Holding on to this old stuff is the old ways trying to survive.

As I get older I get even more sentimental as each item reminds me of another time and place or brings back memories of people I used to know. As sweet as those moments of memory are, I feel loaded down by the storing of the stuff. I feel faster with less stuff. I feel clearer. Healthier even.

Patanjali's yoga sutras talk about reincarnation. I'm not sure what I believe about life after death but I live like it doesn't matter. So the way I use the yoga sutras is to view reincarnation as happening within this very lifetime. Old ways of being dropping as new ways arise. I've experienced it myself. This conscious letting go of old material stuff is in a way walking into a new life with my eyes open, my arms outstretched (when they're not folded against my chest), saying yes.

(And in less lofty terms I'm just cleaning up after myself :) God forbid I get into an accident and you guys have to come and make sense of my stuff and try and figure out what was important to me versus what I just hadn't gotten around to throwing away...)

Letting it Go

2010-11-14T06:57:00.009-05:00

I mentioned a post or two back that I'm doing spring cleaning a bit late. I figure I'm doing last year's, make that the spring of 2008's spring cleaning, oh who am I kidding? I've had junk that seemed valuable that I've been holding onto for years so it actually is not surprising that I have mixed feelings about seeing some of that stuff go.

Here's how I like it to happen. I like to identify the things I'm ready to have removed and have a good friend take them away, preferably in their own car to a place I don't know about where I'm not going to see the stuff again. I imagine the objects that I stored in their pristine condition will go to new homes like cats that are delivered to an animal shelter. I mean, they all get adopted, right?

What I don't like to happen is for me to have to put the stuff in my car and drop it off somewhere. That's not my preference. I'll do it, have done it, will do it again, but it's not the best. I'm not sure what I don't like about it but I know it makes me a bit squeamish.

Sometimes in the past, I've had friends put bigger things out on the curb and even though it's not garbage day, due the neighbourhood I'm in, those things invariably get snatched up within an hour or two. I'm always thinking, what if it rains? Then that "thing" I've saved will be ruined. C'mon, could we get over it already?

My friend, who's been helping me with this round of clearing stuff out, has not gone so far as to drive my stuff away, but he has helped me load my car and has put things out on garbage day. And guys, I don't have a big place, it's not like this is tons of stuff, but it's a lot of stuff. He says I should follow the process, be responsible and aware the whole way along, blah blah blah. And I'm like, "couldn't you just take it to that magic place where formerly-important things go?"

So the other day after garbage day when I saw a guy on a bike wrestling with my old ghetto blaster, I just about lost it. First of all, I thought we were taking electronics to the recycling place, which we had done last week already. Then I wondered where that had been stored and if the guy had come to my back porch and taken it before I was ready to give it away. Or did it go on the curb on Tuesday night and he was just getting his hands on it now? "Luc!" I later queried, "where'd you put that ghetto blaster? How come some guy on a bike has it?"

It didn't matter. By that point I was laughing my head off. If I wanted to make sure it went to a good home, I had proof. It was not a pocket-sized unit. He was a small man on a small bike riding past the homeless shelter. He was super-motivated to take that thing away and as I walked past him struggling to balance with it on his bike I knew he couldn't know that we were performing an invisible transaction.

(He's got a red backpack on and the tape player - double deck! - is in his left hand. The top picture I pulled from the internet as I did not take pictures of the unit before it left.)

Just Because You Do Yoga, Doesn't Mean You're Better

2010-11-09T16:00:00.005-05:00

Sometimes I run across people who think that because somebody does yoga, that they're supposed to be better than other people. Like because they've practised relaxation that they should be more relaxed. Sometimes it's the other way around - people who practise yoga and meditation think that they themselves should be more relaxed and have their problems fade into the background.

Guys, just because you practise yoga, doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean you'll be nicer or happier or more peaceful or free from illness or disappointment or somehow you'll get out of doing LIFE. Just because you take care of your body doesn't mean you're not going to die. I know it's hard to think that we are the way we are sometimes, but it's how we are. It can change. But sometimes it doesn't.

If we go to yoga practice thinking we're going to change something, like we're going because we're broke and if we could just fix ourselves a little bit then everything would be okay, we are for sure going to face frustration.

If you practise yoga, you may want to be quiet about it. Other people's expectations rise and they figure that you're going to somehow magically rise above worldly issues of jealousy and attachment. Or you can shout it out to the world that you practise and you're okay and so are they, even when things don't work out, because sometimes they don't.

Yoga is a path of inquiry. Sometimes along the way what we find transforms us. And sometimes it doesn't. The practice is to keep going in the face of doubt and dislike of what we find. The practise is to embrace our humanity so we can embrace others' as well. Eventually, there will be some progress. And if you don't see any, you may not be on the path. Keep practising!

Spring Cleaning (late version)

2010-11-02T10:24:00.004-04:00

You know, we all have our areas of unconsciousness. We have places where we could do better and our friends if they got close enough, might scratch their heads and be surprised that we do "that." Like they'd expect us to do better. Some of us eat a lot of junk food. Or we swear. Or we stay in jobs that just keep us secure but we really want to be doing something else. Some of us keep projects around that we mean to do. Or we keep weight on we mean to lose one day.

Well over the years I've written about my office and how it's a tight spot for me. I've had smart people come and spend hours helping me get it in shape. And then it goes back to where it was before they helped me out and usually a bit worse. It's like going on a diet and then gaining all the weight back and then some. You know?

So I'm writing now while I "should" be fixing up my office. Someone's coming to stay for a bit in that room. And he's excited to help me move things out of there and to the curb! Being a good friend, he's seen my faults and weaknesses and doesn't give me a hard time about it.

Here's a link to some pictures I took of Luc a few years ago for your amusement.

Reading the Journals

2010-10-30T09:42:00.005-04:00

Part of my homework as a yoga teacher training teacher is to read the homework students turn in. Part of their homework is to journal on the yamas and niyamas (see sidebar if you forget what they are).

I am always so inspired to read people's struggles, victories, notes to themselves, notes to me and Kat, musings, drawings, everything. It always leaves me feeling good, to being in a place of "possibility." I look forward to reading a pile of journals, to deciphering the handwriting, to putting the name to the face in the early days, to listening in close to a story.

The big feeling I'm left with after reading people's journals in the exploration on the yogic path is LOVE. I'm moved by our courage as people to face life's struggles. I'm impressed by people being right where they are even if that place is uncomfortable. I giggle at the funny parts. I breathe through the tougher parts. Sometimes I'm moved to tears by people's embracing of their own humanity.

It reminds me that the practice of the yamas and niyamas is so critical to the path. The alignment of your asanas is secondary to the alignment in your life. When we connect to our own lives and what's really happening for us, it allows us to be connected to other people and events in our lives.

Portable Yoga

2010-10-27T13:49:00.003-04:00

This week saw the release of a new app that actually appeared as a blip on the world's radar that my little company made. That's Happy Hips Yoga with Tania Frechette. When I looked up "yoga" in the app store on my new iPad last night, Tania's was the first thing that popped up. So cool!

In response to that, we immediately dropped the price of Yoga with Jamine and Louise's Hot Yoga to $1.99 to see if that price will move them a bit more. Sorry if you paid more - it's definitely worth it! - we're just trying to find the right spot where we can hold the pose and let the energy flow.
And of course, there's still the free app, if a buck 99 is too much to try.

More apps will be coming out as we can get the content from people and get all of the bugs fixed. It's been an interesting process and I'm definitely impressed with the products we've turned out. As I sit here in an apartment in Gatineau sitting on the floor with shag carpet listening to the click click of my programmer's keyboard, I reflect on how far we've come. It's been amazing to watch my dream become a reality!

Radical Thoughts

2010-10-14T12:27:00.004-04:00

I had a sort of insight last night that I doubted as it came through - this is sometimes how I feel when I get a message delivered to me via my higher self. I've been thinking a lot about life on the planet after watching that video I posted a few days ago, and consciousness as I tend to do, and now I'm training my brain everyday with these exercises, and it got me to thinking that wouldn't it be amazing if everyone on the planet worked together towards making life better on the planet? Here's the thought that came through - people on the planet already are working together.

What? Yep, we are already working together towards making life better on the planet. But what about war and greed and fighting and corruption? Those are things that are sort of a side effect of our progress and over time those things will fall away as it's time and we mature. Sort of like brothers and sisters fighting. They just do until they grow out of it. It doesn't mean they won't grow up to love each other and work together.

Hmm. That message surprised me. It didn't make me feel like I should stop trying to live a better, kinder, smaller, bigger life. It just had me sort of relax and feel that people are good as a whole. We are doing what we can as group to do better for everyone. Along the way it might seem sloppy and as new information arises new action will be taken and we are doing the best we can. When we feel like we aren't it's just that we're looking at it too closely and if we pull back, take a different view, we'll see that we are already working as a team.

Every once in awhile I get sent a zinger of an idea like that and it challenges me. Challenges my belief system. Causes me to step back and consider. What if this is what it looked like for everyone on the planet to be working together towards a better life and better conditions for everyone? Then I wouldn't have to resist what is. I could just know it's part of the process and keep working towards freedom and health as I do my best.

Travelling Inexpensively

2010-10-12T12:16:00.006-04:00

I love to travel. I hate flying but I love where flying gets me. The trouble with going someplace on a plane is that it usually ends up being expensive. This weekend I saved some money but I still had that "going on a trip feeling" as I headed out towards the Ottawa airport early in the morning. I turned off the Airport Expressway before reaching the airport and onto Hunt Club where I found myself at the door of the Mushfiq Music School for an early morning performance of Indian classical music meant to be played early in the morning.

I found out about the gathering because I'm on the mailing list of one of my old students whose husband brings world class musicians to play for Ottawa's fans of Hindustani music.

Due to the early hour there were few guests in attendance. I didn't know what to expect because I hadn't been to this place before, but the email had a few details of the performance, which made me think I'd want to go. I asked a couple of people if anyone wanted to get up early and go on an adventure but the answers came back no. I quickly decided I'd just go by myself, and there I found myself, basically in the basement of this guy's house, tears streaming down my face, sunlight streaming across the coloured leaves in the back yard, as I listened to Anol Chatterjee in from Kolkata and the Hashimy brothers, originally from Afghanistan, performing world-class morning music meant for the heart. They were playing directly to me. Bliss.

Another cool thing about the concert was that it included brunch. I found out I'm not the only one who prepares pancakes for her students as I chatted with the musicians and guests in the kitchen drinking masala tea and learning about their music school. When I asked when their next performance is I found out it's this week as Mushfiq Hashimi will be a part of the Taxi Stand Jam on Thursday night at the Arts Court.

The next time an email comes across my path like that I won't hesitate for a second. The trip was short but so deep, plus I saved quite a bundle on airfare.

The first video is Anol with other musicians and the second one is the Ottawa-based musicians in a concert in Toronto a few years ago.

This Life - Thanksgiving

2010-10-10T07:40:00.006-04:00

Homemade Spacecraft from Luke Geissbuhler on Vimeo.

I watched this video a few days ago and a couple of times a day since then. There are a number of things about it that are moving - the fact that they did this amazing feat, the relationship the parents and kids have, the ease with which they do something our ancestors would not be able to believe - and for me, something happens when I see the view of space with the awareness that it only took just over an hour for that balloon to achieve those near space heights.

I mean, I've seen space views before, but what this video did for me was provide a bridge between where I am now to where that place is. Other space views have seemed impressive but somehow disjointed because there was something missing for me. This one captures it and allows me to imagine that space so much clearer.

I'm going to bring it around to yoga teaching because that's what I do. I've often felt that many of the teachings about yoga are so lofty and so out there that people can't see the bridge, or the link to how they could have those teachings alive in their lives. A recent book I've found this in is Rajarshi Muni's Tenets of a Spiritual LIfe. In one part he talks about how aparigraha, or non-attachment can result in yogis being able to pee on a rock and turn it into gold, that's how non-attached they can get. Hmpf. That seems not likely and the teaching becomes not useful for me in having more non-attachment in my life. When we practice the yamas and niyamas in a more grounded, practical way, we can see results in our own lives. Simple practices might be letting go of actual stuff that we don't need anymore. It might seem really basic, but it can have amazing results.

While we're on the yamas and niyamas and today's Canadian Thanksgiving, we could talk about santosha, or contentment. Counting our blessings or thinking about the things we're grateful for can help us into a place of santosha. Santosha isn't the same as being happy. For instance, you could be dealing with an immediate loss in your life and to think you could or should be happy in that place is probably a bit harsh. What you could do that would seem perhaps more realistic and closer to what I think santosha is, is somehow be content or not suffering yourself while you go through the pain of the loss. Grief isn't a happy place usually, but it can be a place where we are content even amidst the turmoil of life's circumstances, we can tap into the gratitude we have for our own lives, for life itself, which brings us all experiences, both the unpleasant as well as the pleasant ones.

When I see the video I've posted here, I feel such an intense (almost double rainbow intense) sense that this is my one life. And that the way things are going on this planet, because yes, I'm on a planet as the video reveals, is just one way they could go. We have a thin layer of atmosphere. A small space where we can live as we are and not need equipment to breathe. In that space there are other creatures and gardens and lakes and it makes me so grateful to be given the opportunity to experience life on this planet, besides the fact that it's the only one I've got, it's profoundly beautiful.

Working on my Brain

2010-10-08T11:13:00.006-04:00

I'm pretty sure I've blogged about this in the past, because I found it fascinating that researchers have discovered that the brain has a sort of plasticity to it and that things like yoga and meditation can be helpful in maintaining and improving the brain's health.

Dr. Norman Doidge was in the news recently as his documentary about the brain's ability to change, even as we get older, was shown on CBC. I find it really interesting and my experiences with yoga and meditation have shown me that beyond a doubt, the biggest factor in determining the quality of my life at any rate, is what's happening in my mind. There are many things that contribute to that including my physical health and my surroundings, but if the brain isn't healthy, then things won't be as great as they could be, in my experience.

I followed a link on his site that took me to a brain fitness company and I ordered the product. It's not cheap at all and it's sort of in beta in my opinion, so I wouldn't say it's ready for everyday users on their own, but it's been pretty interesting. One of the principles that Norman Doidge mentioned is that the brain keeps thinking things and I think I heard him say, "thoughts that fire together, wire together," so what we think about sort of forms a rut and then we're trained into heading in the same direction by habit. I would call that a Samskara. Sam Dworks, my yoga teacher, taught me about this with yoga and injuries and how the brain gets wired to send stress signals a certain way, which is why we tend to get stressed in the same way repeatedly. More on that on his site.

One of the things that struck me this morning on a short walk though was how I'm training my brain to remember better and be sharper and at the same time, I'm aware of so many things that I feel a sense of longing to forget. I don't want to remember that I'm going to die and so are the people around me. I don't want to remember that even though I moved into the house I'm in 7 years ago as a temporary measure that it's likely this is where I'm going to live for the rest of my life. I don't want to remember I'm behind in an assignment I gave myself. I don't want to remember that I'm probably not going to have anymore kids. I don't want to remember a whole bunch of stuff and I can't help it. So there's a part of me that feels comforted by the promise of a diminished brain as I get older. Fortunately, that's not the part of me in the driver's seat and my sense of health and well-being is stronger than that little scared, sad place.

I have a hunch that training my brain to be as healthy as it can be, which includes eating well, sleeping well, practising yoga and meditation, and having good company, on top of these computer fitness exercises, will help to fend off those feelings of wanting to forget and help me be happy right where I am with everything I have in my life, as well as everything I don't have. I'll let you know how the program goes as I progress through it.

Biking in Ottawa

2010-10-06T08:20:00.003-04:00

I'm listening to a guest on the radio this morning and she's echoing what I've been feeling about biking in Ottawa that I had to interrupt my morning routine to shout it out on my blog.

Bike paths are beautiful and nice for leisure riding but if you're trying to get someplace on a bike (like from where I live to where I teach), you're taking your life in your hands. If I want to ride safely in my neighbourhood I either need to get on the sidewalk at times, breaking the law, or take up a whole lane, which gets me yelled at - GET A CAR - (don't you know I HAVE a car and LOVE it?), or get touched by busses, yep right where a woman was hit the other night I was grazed by a city bus while I tried to hug the curb. Or I'm asked by the city to come right into the middle of it all (see Rideau, or how about that bridge outside of Sears) or my bike lane comes and goes without notice.

So I've had it. I'm not riding in Ottawa anymore. And I like to ride my bike. It's been in the hills of the Hudson Valley. It came with me and rode along the sea in Cape Town, pumped up dusty hills in Johannesburg, all while I was pregnant. I like to just ride my bike to get places. But I'm not willing to have the emotional upheaval that comes for me when I face riding in Ottawa.

I fear for my daughter on her bike. I love that she knows how to ride but the thought of her riding legally from Sandy Hill to the Market could give me heart palpitations.

Until Ottawa makes it safe to be a cyclist on the city streets, I'm not doing it. I'm taking my car.

There's a meeting about it tonight at the Museum of Nature at 7. To do anything other than fund biking infrastructure would be foolish for our city.

Watering Your Plant

2010-10-03T07:25:00.002-04:00

Let's face it, if you don't water your plants they'll wither and die. Unless your plant is out in a habitat where it gets rained on the right amount and it taken care of by its environment, it will need some care.

Most of us are like house plants and we're not in an environment that naturally sustains us. We have to remember to water ourselves. And unless you're a great indoor gardener, you might not notice it's time to water the plants until they start to show signs that they need to be watered.

Living the way we do in our culture means there's a lot of watering that needs to be done. We need to take vitamins, even vitamins that replace the nourishment we'd get by just being exposed to sunlight. We need to go to a gym to mimic the exercise we'd get out in the world if we had to work that way. We have to schedule social activities so we make sure we're not bored and that we're being stimulated and having fun.

Sometimes we will have missed something that needs tending to and will only notice when that particular plant starts to wither. What does it need? Sleep? Company? Exercise? Meditation? Nutrition? It's hard to know when it's not obvious.

Some indoor plant problems get solved by just moving the plant to a different room. So we have holidays and go on vacations to breathe different air and get different light.

As we age we have to be on top of what's in our indoor garden and keep a special eye out for plants that may be withering. And again, we may not notice until something's out of sorts. As a parent I'm providing what I think is needed for my daughter, but listening for feedback from her, making sure she's thriving in all areas that I'm aware of and adding water or vitamins when I think I notice withering.

Different people need different amounts of watering and it's not always obvious. Yoga is what we do that helps us thrive. Surviving is okay; it's ordinary even. But thriving and growing is what we're aiming for.

Wrapped up with a Bow

2010-09-27T12:36:00.005-04:00

Sometimes I'd like to be done with something. Like health. I'd like to be complete with health and just have it handled. I'd like to achieve fitness. I'd like to collect yoga poses and just keep them. Even a manicure. I'd like to pay for a manicure to be done professionally and just have it be done. Shaving, waxing, enlightenment, same thing. But all of these things require maintenance.

It's as though I'd like to just pause life. Just take a break over here. Have it wrapped up for a bit with no more todos and all my calls returned and bills paid and boxes checked off.

I'd like to earn the educated badge. Just know something and not have to relearn it all again next week. I'd like to know the software rules and have them not change. How about Facebook? Couldn't it just stay the way it was?

Everything's changing and growing and moving and sometimes I feel like I can't keep up. And we can't keep up with all of it, we really can't. This is where surrender lives. We have to make peace with where we are knowing that stuff, life, is flowing all around us. In addition to letting go, we also have to have effort to be focused and participate and know where we want to go, or just have the discipline to go where we've been told to go.

In yoga it's called, Abhyasa and Vairagya. Effort and focus, and on the other hand, non-attachment and letting go. It's a balance.

Sometimes I'd like it to be out of balance and just be done! I know it's not realistic and that I need to bring some tapas to my practice in that moment. I'm just sharing something that shows up in my awareness sometimes...and I have a feeling you know what I'm talking about!

Birthday Pose Again!

2010-09-24T11:52:00.004-04:00

Wow, it seems like I just wrote about this pose. I mean, I think I'm wearing the same shirt as the last time I wrote about this. It comes back again so fast. I checked. It's not the same shirt, although it very well could be because neither of them are new, but it's the same colour, because I have adopted grey as the colour of this decade. So far. I wear a lot of grey! I like it! It goes with a lot of things! Jeans, other grey things, black, just to get started.

This year the birthday pose feels pretty comfortable. I'm feeling good with myself and where I'm at. And the places where I'm not feeling good about myself and my life, I'm gently judging and keeping an eye on as opposed to attacking them and blaming myself loudly. I'm quieter to myself about my judgements. I'm more compassionate with myself. I have been through a lot in my life and I'm going to go through a lot more if I have my way. And so compassion is the theme of this birthday. And with compassion for me, there's the freedom to have fun. So I'm having fun this birthday.

I got woken up around 6:30 on a morning when I could have easily slept in for another hour (see - I'm already more relaxed that I can even sleep in until 7:30) and I didn't get mad when this friend knew that I was probably sleeping and just wanted to make sure that they were the first one to wish me Happy Birthday.

I am also taking today as an opportunity to get rid of a lot of stuff. I took two boxes of books to my car a little while ago. That's a big deal for me. The present I'm giving myself this year is giving stuff away. Yep, I've arrived at maturity where 'tis better to give than to receive.

Oh well. I'm leading yoga this evening and I'm looking forward to that. If you're not doing anything and you're reading this in time, please come!

The Power of Water

2010-09-21T14:56:00.003-04:00

"The power of water." That's what the woman at the clinic said when I returned to get my blood work done this afternoon. I'll back up.

I haven't blogged in a while. There's a mix of reasons for why I haven't been blogging but one of the things that's going on in the background is I've had low iron, ringing in my ears, and now pain in my joints. The joint pain has been going on for almost the past month. It's not unusual for me to have pain in my joints, but this is noticeably more than in the past. I went to see my doctor and he said it's osteoarthritis and get used to it. My 44th birthday is coming up this week (gasp) and I guess it's just my age and yea, get used to it.

I've been corresponding with a friend who's still at Omega and he reminded me of what he's going through with Lyme's disease and something went off in my head. "Joint pain is a symptom of Lyme's." I've known enough people who've had it to know I'd want to treat it early on if that is something that I had. I don't think I do but I wanted to rule it out.

So I went to see my doctor this morning, he's great - I get in to see him right away, and he fills out the requisition for blood tests and off I go. Since I was there he decided to add other tests for arthritis indicators not just the Lyme's disease so I figure it's a good thing I went.

I arrive at the clinic and I'm happy to see who's working because it's someone I recognize and my experience with her is that the needle's not bad and I'll be okay. I hop up on the chair, roll up my sleeve, and get ready. It won't be bad. I've had her before and she knows what she's doing.

She taps and pokes. I make a fist and release. I do that a couple of times. She sticks the needle in and waits. Then she asks me, "have you had any water to drink today?" Water? I don't actually drink water in the morning except in its more potent, coffee, form. "No I haven't had any water." Well, my blood won't come out. Jamine's blood won't come out.

She said she'd try something else and that got me to thinking, so I asked her, "what if I go away and drink something and eat and come back because honestly, I could totally do this at another time." She knows I want to run away and she's already filled out the paperwork and to cancel this is a chore. "What if I promise to come back?" She agrees. She said it takes TWO HOURS for water you drink to get into your veins. Interesting, eh?

I come home, drink a bunch of water, eat a sandwich and wait. When I went back in I rolled up my sleeve and she decided to go for the other arm. She punched my veins a bit and then she stuck in the needle. The blood flowed out no problem. "The power of water," she said.

Lesson learned - drink water. If I don't drink water my blood isn't flowing as much. So toxins aren't moving out. Healing properties aren't moving in. Things are sluggish. Drink some water!

Partner Yoga

2010-09-12T08:07:00.003-04:00

My sister and I led Partner Yoga on Friday night as we've been doing off and on for the past nine years or so. I love the group that shows up for Partner Yoga. There are often some keen yogis, some people looking for something fun to do on a Friday night, and invariably somebody's bringing their boyfriend who's never done yoga before.

This Friday night someone else showed up. It wasn't a big deal at all but it was interesting given why I started this blog in the first place. One of the guys who showed up I'd met before through an online dating site. It was well over a year ago and we didn't date, we only met one time but it was funny. I didn't go up to him and draw attention to the fact that we'd met before. I didn't know what his deal was with what appeared to be his happy relationship and I thought it would be rude so I just said hi and left it at that.

It reminded me though that it's been awhile since I've branched out into the dating realm. I sort of recoiled a while ago and have stayed in that position. I get nervous and weird so I've just left it out for what I suppose is a long time.

It was nice to see someone showing up and obviously having fun with his partner in my class. One of these days I want to take a Partner Yoga class rather than give it ;)

Neighbourly Interactions

2010-09-02T16:53:00.004-04:00

If you've read my blog for awhile, you may remember that earlier this year I had a bunch of uncomfortable interactions with some neighbours regarding some chalk drawings which landed us in the newspaper with colour photographs. Well, the other night the doorbell rings and it's the same neighbours. It's not what you think. It's worse/funnier/sadder depending on how you look at it.

These same neighbours hit my parked car. Not only hit it, but dented it. Not only hit it and dented it, but did that to the tune of a thousand dollars as the estimate I got at the VW dealership indicated in writing. Whoops.

They could have not said. They could have made me wonder for a few days who did it and how it happened. They didn't. They let me know right away, which I really appreciate. I wasn't even upset about it - I was totally upset about the chalk drawings and all of the implications - this was nothing. If you've read my blog or been in any of my teacher trainings, you'll also know I love my car. LOVE my car. So I'll fix it. They'll pay. It'll work out.

Living close to people will likely include being in relationship with them. Sometimes, something will happen and things don't go the way we want them to. And if we're in relationship long enough, things may go back and forth.

Sometimes yoga postures prepare us for the other things that happen in our lives. Sometimes we do group poses and a number of us will hold a pose together. BunBunboobooasana, for instance. It's not a big one, but it's one we get to hold as a little group for a couple of days.

Summer Reading

2010-09-01T17:38:00.002-04:00

I know it's late in the summer, but there's still time to do some reading. I've made it even easier by posting a link to the book that you could read! And it's free if you're reading it this way. It's a classic and has practically become a yoga textbook. It's one that any student of yoga should at least know about if not have read all the way through.

This book refers to a lot of the mystical, magical things that go on in other cultures, that our western culture doesn't always see or recognize. It's something to look into and refer to even if you don't get to it all right away.

It still feels a lot like summer here even though September started today :)

Holy Moly

2010-08-31T10:43:00.004-04:00

Things got quite out of hand. I didn't have a stable internet connection for weeks and I didn't do anything about it because I was quite in the middle of teaching a yoga teacher training program and didn't care. That's all handled and I'm back to almost normal.

Teaching yoga to people who are really into it has got to be one of life's greatest gifts. It's so great to share the teachings of yoga to people who are eager to learn.

Some of the highlights from the last teacher training for me: that people felt safe in the big group. That people got a lot from practice teaching. That people had fun and laughed a lot while we were all cooped up together for days on end. It really was fun.

So now that it's over and the next one hasn't begun just yet, I'm back to my own meditation and self-learning. I'm always perusing www.swamij.com's site for nuggets and in fact, I even went to Expedia.ca to check on flights to go for another visit. I picked up Stephen Cope's book and even though I'd told him while I was at Kripalu that I hadn't read his book, I felt compelled to read more of it, especially after it practically threw itself off the shelf the other day. I especially liked the part about where Buddhism and Yoga intersect. (See page 275.)

Last night I watched this documentary on the Buddha Boy, which I found to be really interesting. There's so much we don't know...

Should I Blog or Talk to My Higher Self?

2010-08-18T07:18:00.003-04:00

I'm running almost late here this morning as I prepare for the yoga teacher training. I have a bunch of things I want to do in the morning and I have to choose between them. I like to blog, I like to eat breakfast, I like to journal, and like that. Some of you know I have access to a voice I would call my higher self and I've even named her Gurubelle. During the teacher training last month I got into a practice of "talking" to that voice for a minimum of a couple of minutes everyday and writing down what it says.

You might think that if you had access to your higher self there'd be a halleleluja and that would be the end of it. It's not like that though. I don't let her blog, I don't do what she says and maybe someday I'll explain why. Just trust me when I say I don't always want to hear her voice. (It basically ruins my plans.)

So this morning I found myself wondering if I should blow dry my hair or talk to my higher self. As you can see from the picture, I got my hair done. And now that I've told you about it, I still have a few minutes before I have to leave and I'll check in with her and see what she has to say...

Back on Blog

2010-08-16T06:21:00.004-04:00

I went away for a bit there. Something had happened and connecting at my computer was feeling not good while I was away so I just didn't do it. I noticed I wasn't blogging and I noticed that I wasn't checking my email and that felt okay. The good part was not having the yuck that seemed to be waiting for me whenever I sat down to write. But that was over a week ago and I'm home now.

I've been on vacation and working somewhere else for a change, which apparently is almost as good as a rest. All of that included much yoga. Now that I'm back, much yoga will continue to be included starting this morning when the yoga teacher training resumes.

Something happened last week that surprised me and made me value my skills and his helping me relax right now in light of the fact that I can't seem to find the document that I worked on a few weeks ago.

A famous teacher came unprepared to lead her workshop for 5 days. Like really unprepared. Not only was she unprepared, she was completely unable to wing it in any fashion that had her participants feel satisfied. I was called in as a yoga teacher to help beef up the content so the remaining participants would be cared for in a way they expected, so that helped a bit and people were grateful. But really, it was a disaster.

After having come from that experience so recently, I feel pretty confident that Kat and I are going to be just fine and that we probably will find the latest version someplace before we start and even if we don't, we know what we're doing.

Late Night Drama

2010-08-05T01:01:00.006-04:00

Okay, it wasn't that late, but it was drama, and boy, was it hilarious. I've seen a lot of performances at Kripalu in my time, but the one I saw tonight knocked my socks off. Okay, I wasn't wearing socks, but you know what I mean.

It was the evening entertainment by someone who's leading a workshop here with her husband on creative writing and other things I suppose, and her performance was especially for the people in her retreat but the rest of us got to tag along.

She did this show called "100% Happy 88% of the Time." It was funny all by itself but it was made funnier by the diagrams she had projected during the show, a number of which I've made myself over the years so I could TOTALLY RELATE. I love it when that happens. Makes me feel so good in my world.

On the other hand I've had other late night drama, again not really that late, which comprised of emails with a friend over the past couple of days where we totally do NOT RELATE and it's been discouraging and draining and reminds me of how insufficient many of these communication media are, especially in the absence of actual human contact. They can of course, enhance live contact by being a substitute in the meantime or can even work to entertain us when the person we're chatting or texting (or facebooking as was the case with my daughter earlier this evening when she was sitting right next to me). But this isn't a blog post about that.

It's about how you should click on the link to this woman's site, Beth Lapides, and follow any of her links. She was brilliant and funny and yogic and irreverent and curious and hey, is she starting to sound like anybody else you know? Yea, but she was even better.

Yea, my hair's pretty oily

2010-08-02T21:32:00.005-04:00

I had an amazing massage today with loads of oil. It was an ayurvedic massage that was supposed to be among other things, good for my brain. I'll let you know. I'm at Kripalu for a couple of days and my old roommate still works here and she gave me this amazing treatment.

We're heading into our first night this evening and I'm sitting in the cafe area reading my email when one of the students from the current Yoga Teacher Training program happening in Ottawa is sitting right across from me! The yoga world is so small.

It's nice being here in many ways. As a past resident I get to come and stay for a few days for nothing every year. I don't always take advantage of that, but this year I got lucky and the availability I had matched up with theirs.

Warms My Heart

2010-07-28T07:46:00.004-04:00

Thanks to everyone who came out to the Yoga and Meditation class last night but especially to the gang from the current Yoga Teacher Training program. You guys have a special connection with each other, which could be felt in the room, and it made it such a different experience than usual, where people don't often know each other. Plus, you told me you read my blog so I thought I'd give you a shout out and say hi.

I have a good friend who's a teacher in the States at a high school. She teaches a lot of people who have to be at school, not who want to be at school. She's feeling drained and way less inspired than when she started. I lead mainly to groups who want to be there, but I regularly lead to small groups who are mixed - there are pockets of people who "have" to do yoga. It's a real treat to lead to anyone and I get that my job is a privilege, but I love it when the folks who are there are interested in the experience.

I was thinking last night about how in the past, some of the yoga and meditation teachings were only taught after the student was turned away at first. The teacher would not open the door or tell them to come back in a month or a year or some long time. I used to think that was for the student, so they would be really sure they wanted to learn and were willing to stick it out. But last night I was thinking about it from the other side and how that process would make it really satisfying for the teacher! Having students who really were ready and who wanted to learn would be a blast. (Which is why leading yoga teacher training is the so awesome.) Sharing stuff with people who want to hear makes the info come across easier and with more light.

I was thinking other things last night too, about how the yoga with meditation class tends to have more men in it than some of the other asana classes and some of us talked about that last night afterwards. I think a lot of guys are drawn to meditation and need a place to practice - poses too - but meditation is tougher in many ways. We all need it, or could use it, but that class has a good mix, telling me it's touched a chord or has a comfortable blend.

YTT PM Teaching Moment

2010-07-21T14:38:00.002-04:00

I wanted to post this to Facebook but it wouldn't go so I'm putting it here.

The Most Powerful Alignment Details

2010-07-21T06:56:00.003-04:00

I would have to say that by far, the most important details when it comes to alignment in yoga practice, are the yamas and niyamas. Hands down. Without a firm foundation in the yamas and niyamas, it's not going to matter if your leg is straight in Triangle or your sitz bones are even in Dandasana. Granted, you start where you are and if where you are is in a pose it may lead you back to your life and to the yamas and niyamas, however, our culture (and probably not just ours) loves to leave the yamas and niyamas behind like they're some archaic remnant of earlier teachings. Not so.

The yamas and niyamas are so current and so powerful that it's no wonder people shy away from them. When people start practising non-harming and telling the truth and simple things like that, their lives change. And nobody wants to go to a yoga class and have to start changing their lives. We don't want to start being considerate of others or stop stealing office supplies from work. Who wants to be responsible for their own pain and peace of mind? Nobody! We want the government to take care of it or other people or start a new business or find the right partner, maybe even in the next yoga class we go to.

If your yoga teacher doesn't know what the yamas and niyamas are or hasn't had a practice of them that they can tell you about, I'd say you might be in a stretching class. I'm just saying. Because lengthening your hamstrings and relaxing your shoulders really isn't going to make a bit of difference without them.

After being a part of the teacher training for years now, I can confidently say that the most transformational piece that people get is what they see about themselves through the practice of the yamas and niyamas. That's the part of yoga that will blow you away and make you so grateful you were led to the practice in the first place.

Attachment, refined

2010-07-19T21:08:00.006-04:00

So in the conversation around attachment, it's bound to come up that we don't always know where we're attached. Yesterday's tidbit was to notice where you're attached and that's actually a way to let go of attachment, or the problems associated with attachment. And so the question is, "how do I know where I'm attached?"

A good way to notice where you're attached is to look at where you're unhappy. If you're not sure about that, consider what you complain about. What do you go on and on about or chronically complain about? If you're not sure, ask your friends or people you have spent time with. That complaint will be a site of attachment.

Then you notice you're attached there. That attachment is blocking your happiness. Knowing the attachment is there sometimes is enough to cause some space. "Wow, I just noticed I'm unhappy because I'm tired. I'm attached to being energetic. Good to know. I can drop this one right now and just be tired and do what I have to do and get more sleep later."

Other times knowing you're attached at that spot doesn't make a difference and the attachment stays there. "OMG. My relationships have sucked. I'm blah blah blah. He was blah blah blah. Will I ever blah blah blah? Will it ever go away?" Or maybe your friends are attached, "my business blah blah blah; my partner blah blah blah; my job blah blah blah; my health; my back; my money; blahdeeblahblah."

On the one hand, that's life. Too bad, that's where you're attached, relax, get over it, be attached, don't worry about it. On the other hand you may want to dig a little deeper if that attachment is the source of a lot of pain. It depends on what you're going for, what you're willing to do, what you want in the moment. And knowing that, is going to take some familiarity with yourself in places already examined in the previous Yamas (see side bar for quick references or come to Living your Yoga or the Yoga Teacher Training with me and Kat - we love dealing with this stuff).

Remember that areas where we go into pain and reaction are unconscious places. Finding those places while we're unconscious will be difficult. Our thoughts will wander, we'll get sleepy, we won't want to look anymore, we'll get distracted. It's normal. So keep going to the places you feel and breathe into them. Same thing. It keeps coming back to the same thing. Being present with what is. Read the beginning again for the instructions in finding out where you're attached, which will lead to this being present everybody's talking about.

Eventually, after you've done it for a while, breathing into the sensations, locating your attachments, you will be so bored with the process. The sensations will be familiar and you won't even want to go there anymore. Something else happens at that point but going straight to it won't work. Going through the attachment at its site, source, physical location, is important. Then you can use it as a jumping off place, but only once you've gotten to know it and what you do with yourself in that place a bit first.

Attachment, reviewed

2010-07-18T07:14:00.004-04:00

Over the years on this blog, I've written a bit about attachment. And again, it's that time in the yoga teacher training where we've hit Aparigraha. And again, I want to read the class some passages from Anthony De Mello's book, Way to Love.

The way to really practise non-attachment is to notice where we're attached. That's sort of the only way. Just notice where we're attached. In yoga practise it's like breathing into the places we feel. In meditation it's like leaning into the sharp points. In Landmark Education language it's like being authentic about where we're inauthentic. And that's how to become non-attached. It's how to allow. It's how to be present. Go to the things you feel and let them be there. There's nothing to do afterwards. Things will either fall away or they'll still be there. You won't have to do anything.

Non-attachment is such a goal and people sometimes don't like to admit where they're attached. Your friends and family know what you're attached to. It's not something you can hide. And it's often annoying, especially if we're attached to people being a certain way for us. We might think the amount we're attached to someone is a gauge of how much we love them, but that's not it. It doesn't feel good to be loved when there's so much attachment around it. Going the other way, it isn't relaxing to love someone with lots of attachment.

The reason we practise the yama of non-attachment isn't because it's the right thing to do. It's because it frees us up energetically. To stay attached takes energy and drains us. Practising all of the yamas and niyamas is to let things go, open the energy channels, increase our health, things like that. That's what the yoga's for. It's not to burden ourselves with rules and things we should do. It's about freedom, union, balance, and what that takes is looking at where we're not free, where we're out of balance, and not making ourselves wrong or feeling rotten about that, but using those as cues to move us in the direction we want to go.

Yoga Teacher Training is a Good Way to Look at Your Life

2010-07-15T06:38:00.003-04:00

The title just about says all that I mean to ramble on about here. The yoga teacher training is a good way to look at your life. It's a time to reflect on the yamas and niyamas (see sidebar for quick explanations) and to see what our life alignment is like. At least, that's how I see it. If your internal alignment is off and you don't even know how to find it, your external poses won't be of much value.

So our group is starting to heat up. Kat and I are helping keep the structure together, to support the container that people are doing their work in. It's hot for us too.

Co-teaching is a pose as well. Many yoga teachers rarely get a chance to co-lead a class or a workshop for a variety of reasons including that working with someone else mean you're working with another person and people have stuff! In my co-leader, Kat, I've found someone I can be totally myself around and I can let her be as she is and we share our knowledge and our space and I think if I had to be in space ship with anyone where I'd have to spend years with someone, she'd be in it. Oh wait, I am on a space ship called Earth and she is in it and so are you and all of the other people...I'm hearing a voice from Kids in the Hall or some show say this :)

Anyhow, the teacher training is in full-swing. If you ever want to take a look at your life and you don't even want to be a yoga teacher, I think a yoga teacher training would be a good way to do it.

We're Back

2010-07-12T19:15:00.004-04:00

The Mother Daughter Yoga workshop at Omega went really well. I think. The feedback I've received has also only been good (if there are other kinds I haven't received it) and we enjoyed it. We'll do it again next year. Or maybe even earlier. The stuff that happened was amazing.

One of the best things for me about the workshop was what happened for me and Remi and how we got to spend time together and be with each other. I'm sure it was like that for other mother-daughter pairs as well. The yoga was interesting, but the real value was in the opportunity to do something physical, that connected us to each other, as well as spiritual, which got us into our real feeling bodies, and the appreciation that we got during an exercise designed to give good acknowledgement. I think it worked.

On the way home she let me hold her hand a bit. Any parent of an older child may relate to how it feels to have your once-affectionate kid get affectionate with others and not with us anymore and to have that return, even in the context of a workshop where it's an exercise to do an assisted relaxation or just a moment in the car - it's totally worth it.

So much has happened. So much new insight. Old insight. Old friends. New people.

And then there was getting home. I made wicked-time on the drive home only to get to my landline's voicemail and see that my doctor's office had called. The message was for me to call them back because they wanted to set up an appointment with me. With me? They never do that. I recently had a baseline mammogram and a pap smear, plus some blood work the other day. The blood work was so recent, it couldn't be about that. It had to be about the cancer that I had. So I had all night to not sleep about that before my teacher training started this morning. Not to mention just some of the last-minute arrangements, let's call them, for the yoga teacher training, which kept me on the phone for much longer than I was expecting.

I'll have you rest at ease with me tonight knowing that it's not cancer or AIDS or anything like that. There's something about my iron they want to talk to me about. It's not urgent. Phew. Remi's gone to my mom's to wait for the new puppies to be born. I think I'm going to sleep much better tonight.

Integration

2010-07-10T19:22:00.006-04:00

Things happen so fast here at Omega. Zoom zoom. It's a time to slow down but at the same time things speed up so fast - it's hard to explain. It's a cooker, that's for sure.

The details would be juicy and interesting but I don't care to write it all down. Just trust me when I say I've been through a few interesting awkward moments over the past two days - I'd call them asanas - and just like asanas are designed to do, I feel that some things have been integrated.

The Mother-Daughter Yoga Workshop has gone better in some ways than I expected and not as well in others. The space we're teaching in isn't really a first choice for a mother daughter yoga workshop, but we're making it work. Leading some teachings on the philosophy of yoga has been really fun. Just being with mothers and daughters has been fun, too.

One of the things I practiced the most over the past 48 hours is being in my body and witnessing sensations. Going right back to the basics. BRFWA. (That's breathe, relax, feel, watch, allow if you don't already know!) In our session this morning on Santosha (contentment) we came up with that as a practice as well. So there's been a theme. When we practice BRFWA (pronounced "bur-fwa") integration can happen. Integration strengthens and aligns us. It's like digesting our experiences. If we don't digest our food, we get backed up and things get super uncomfortable and we assume all sorts of crazy positions to try and find relief. Same thing with emotions that get backed up. We can be doubled over in pain, with relief just around the corner if we let the stuff out.

Anyway, we've got one session left in the morning, we eat lunch, and then we're headed back to Ottawa. The yoga teacher training intensive starts on Monday morning at 8 am!

The Fire - I'm in it

2010-07-09T14:22:00.005-04:00

Our workshop is going to start tonight. We're looking forward to it even though it's totally hot here at Omega and I feel like I'm melting.

In the meantime, some of my personal stuff from the past has come up for some healing! So I'm uncomfortable and I'm noticing patterns that don't serve me and I'm tired from not sleeping and I feel pretty rough. Luc reminded me it's not personal and not to make myself wrong. "Self-observance without judgement," he kept reminding me was one of Swami Kripalu's first teachings.

So I've been pulling out my tool kit as the uncomfortable feelings have surfaced. I'll be more comfortable once I start teaching - there's a refuge for you - and I've been grateful for the encouraging words from friends. I'd so rather be unconscious or take a pill or have a drink or do something that might make this discomfort go away. Alas, the teachings are all to breathe, and feel and stop thinking about it.

Big Breath

2010-07-08T05:35:00.004-04:00

I'm up really early. I'm excited. Today I'm driving to Omega and tomorrow I'm leading a weekend workshop there for participants for the first time (I've been teaching yoga to staff there for a few years). It's Mother Daughter Yoga and I've been a bit nervous about it.

My daughter came up with the guidelines for who should be in the workshop over a year ago. She's 11 now. She wanted to be with like people. We made the age suggestion between 8 and 16 years old. That's a really big range. We'll be doing some partner work and if there's a big size difference, the poses will work differently, and this we know because we've led the workshop many times in town. But just for an afternoon, not a whole weekend.

I imagine there'll be younger girls who will still hold hands with their moms and cuddle up and there will be older girls who will be sitting with folded arms and would rather be somewhere else (I'm thinking of my own kid - my co-leader!) I imagine there will be moms who are hoping they'll get to cuddle with their early-teen and will be disappointed when they won't get to touch their kid outside of the class (that's how I'm feeling!).

By building the workshop the way I have, there are natural ways for the moms and daughters to connect with touch as well has have time on their own. I'm really hoping it goes close or better than planned but I'm nervous that it won't and I'll be struggling to keep the workshop on course rather than just gently nudging the outline, the way a pilot keeps redirecting a plane in flight.

When I get to Omega today I will be among my friends. After working there for years a long time ago and in more recent years coming down for shorter stays, I've got a number of people I'm connected to who are there on staff. So I'd be excited to go down to Rhinebeck even if I weren't leading a workshop. But to go down as Faculty, that's something else. It's a Big Deal in my Little World.

I wrote to one of my friends down there yesterday and mentioned that I was a bit nervous. He said he gets nervous beforehand and that even last week, Elizabeth Lesser was nervous before leading her workshop. So I'm in good company. I know it's normal to feel excited and/or anxious.

Vasudhaiv Kutumbikam (Happy Canada Day)

2010-07-01T16:26:00.004-04:00

When people start getting all "my country's the best," "this is the best country to live in," "God save *this country,*" I get bit uncomfortable.

Today is Canada Day. It's awfully close to the 4th of July, which as everybody knows is "America Day." And it's the day that Canada celebrates its birthday, which happened only 143 years ago.

I subscribe to the belief that the world is one family. In sanskrit, that's "Vasudhaiv Kutumbikam." I'm not sure how I got that - maybe because my parents adopted a child, they took in people for holidays that didn't have other places to go; maybe it's that I lived in an ashram where that was the motto; maybe because I travelled a lot when I was younger and made lots of friends from other countries? I don't know.

But what it means for me is I don't like to say this is the best place. It's the place. It's the place I live, this space we've agreed to call Canada. I'm grateful for a lot of things I have here in my little life in Canada. Today something kind of cool happened. I actually saw the Queen of Canada. She's also the Queen of England and some other places, but for the first time in my life, I saw the Queen in person. Up close even. It was just for a few seconds, but it was pretty moving.

That woman's face is on all of my money. She just may have the most published face of all people in the world, and she's a woman. I was moved when she went by.

In any case, while we're celebrating Canada's birthday, I'm reminded that I'm connected to a whole planet, not just this country. It's not the best. It's one of many. Like loving one's children, there's no better kid, they're all loveable. Canada is a loveable country for sure.

Yoga App Poem

2010-06-29T09:48:00.006-04:00

I want to tell you about the new app that was released last week by my brainchild, Capital Yoga Publishing, but I'm also feeling a bit poetic so I'll see if I can use my words differently. If you feel moved, snap your fingers. (I think this might be the first poem about an app...)

A new yoga app was released last night
pictures, sound, stretches will delight
your arms, legs, torso, organs
spine, skin, what rhymes with organs?

A portable, mobile, current invention
to take with you to your next convention
in Toronto, or Russia, or even online
these poses will go with you every time
on your floor, your carpet, your hallway, your lawn
plug in your speakers and press play to go on.

The app is not free it is something that costs
just the price of one class or less it is thought.
Please "Like" your yoga teacher by buying her app
even if you only play the end to take a nap.

----Jamine Ackert Tuesday, 10:05

This was inspired by the new release of Louise's Hot Yoga late last week and I hope you like it.

Friday Fringe Review

2010-06-25T08:40:00.007-04:00

Friday's here and I was confirming with Remi before she headed off for her last day of Grade 6 which plays we saw when over the past week of the Ottawa Fringe Festival. With her help, I was able to retrace my steps and come up with what I think is what happened because the past week has become a blur of days. She hasn't seen as much of the Fringe as she wanted to because her Grade 6 Social Schedule had many conflicts with the Fringe this year and well, Grade 6 Rules.

Here's what I've seen so far (in the order I saw them):
Mixing Boal
Billy Stutter: An Irish Play
It's Just a Stage
Every Job I Ever Had
The Peter n' Chris Show
Wild Abandon
Shadows
ACTIONABLE
Seeking...
Misadventures of a Massage Therapist
MAL
Capital Poetry Rocks the Fringe
Phone Whore
The Sputniks
The Last Straight Man in Theatre
Heart-Strings
The Duck Wife

Each play has been reviewed at Fully Fringed in case you want to see what people are saying. There's a whole weekend left to see plays so please go out and experience some of the Fringe Festival!

Movers and Shakers

2010-06-24T17:38:00.007-04:00

My daughter's Grade 6 graduation ceremony was held yesterday at Rockcliffe Park Public School in the Big Gym. It was a lovely ceremony complete with awards to the best athletes, and scholars. Right in the middle of the ceremony there was a big commotion. It sounded and felt like a plane was taking off underneath the building. It might have been the subway except for the fact that we were in Ottawa and there's no subway here. Given that the school is attended by many important people's kids, it might have been a bomb. It was a "something" for sure and people started getting upset.

During the shaking I actually ducked for a moment, in case something was going to come from the ceiling. It lasted about ten seconds and then it stopped. People started yelling and those near the doors ran out. I was with my sister, my brother, my mom and my ex-husband. We were all pretty calm wondering which exit we'd go out. It turned out Remi went running with her friends. Nice one! Once outside I checked my Blackberry and sure enough, the twitterverse was abuzz with the earthquake news.

We'd just been in an earthquake that measured about 5 on the Richter scale.

People were pretty shaken but the kids were great. The whole school has a system and they lined up in their classes and the parents milled about and then we went back in. We finished the ceremony, declared the Class of 2010 to be real Movers and Shakers, had some cake, and packed up and went home.

Just the other day I tweeted, "look up. you're on a planet. let go for a minute," or something like that. We get so caught up in our lives and our games and our situations and we forget that we're on a planet. This planet it spinning and moving so fast but it does it in a way that doesn't make us feel sick. We can't slide off - I've tried - we can't fall off - gravity is like this and this is how it feels to be on this planet at this time.

As the shaking was going on I considered for a moment that "something bad" might happen and that things would change. I'm really glad that something bad didn't happen yesterday. I'm happy to go back to the games I was playing and the stuff I was working on. But I'm doing it today with a fresh reminder that I'm on a planet and things can and will change at any minute.

Yoga and Clown

2010-06-22T18:45:00.003-04:00

It was just about a year ago that Scott called me a clown. He meant it as a compliment. He's a clown and he recognized my clown.

I even took a clown workshop last summer and found that indeed, I have some clown. As I recall, I got myself into a bit of trouble after that workshop because I really let go of a couple of filters and said things people weren't used to hearing and I had a bluntness that came with my clown. But my clown didn't go to bed at night - she stuck around.

Yoga is about letting go of what's not you. Clown is also in part about letting go of what's not you. Letting go of inhibitions, filters, concepts, and more. Clown challenges the edges of the container. Good yoga does that too. Busts the container open or even obliterates it.

If you've been in the presence of some good gurus or teachers and you're familiar with clown, you'll see the similarities. They don't play by the rules - or rather, those are their rules - they don't play by the common rules.

I squash my clown when I teach. I think I really get the Jack-in-the-Box idea - that box is kept closed under pressure. Turn the crank enough and out pops the messy clown. I squash my clown a lot of the time actually. We all do. It makes things civilized.

I just came back from a clown show at the Fringe Festival. It was really inspiring. The main thing I got was that the performer found relief in her clown. She found her clown and it brought total relief to her. My clown rattled a little as I left the show. I hope I can keep the lid on it tonight while I lead yoga and meditation.

If you like going to yoga classes...

2010-06-20T08:10:00.003-04:00

If you like going to yoga classes, you might be someone who enjoys going to see live theatre. Someone asked me yesterday if there's something wrong if you like going to theatre but you don't like going to yoga, and I said, "yes." Obviously, I'm kidding. But I do think that there's something about the live aspect of going to yoga that carries over to going to live theatre.

I'm not really a theatre buff. I'm more a fan of the Fringe festival because of how spontaneous it is and how creative and courageous the people are who participate, creating a real sense of community. Some of the actual plays I like and some I wish the seats were a little higher so I could lean back and have a little nap. I'm just saying.

Interacting with people can put you on the spot. Unlike in a movie theatre setting when it's unlikely that there'll be too much interaction, the theatre can ask you to participate. Same thing with some yoga classes. There are classes where you know you won't be put on the spot and others where you may be asked a question or used as a demo or taken to a new place.

I'm going to go lead my yoga class now - it's live. If you want the app, you can stay home and download it here!

In the Thick of the Fringe Festival

2010-06-19T16:34:00.004-04:00

It has really started. This year the Ottawa Fringe has added a kids component. It's going on behind me in this picture. You drop your kid off, go see some shows, come back and see your kid perform a show. What a great deal! The kids are having a blast.

I saw three plays yesterday and one the day before, so I'm on my way.

If you like live yoga classes, you might really appreciate live theatre. Anything can happen...

The Fringe - It's Live! It's Inspiring!

2010-06-17T08:43:00.008-04:00

The Ottawa Fringe Festival is starting today. It kicked off last night with a VIP party, which I was invited to attend because I'm hosting someone from out of town. The party was fun, although it was pouring rain, which maybe dampened the group in more ways than one (yuck, yuck). (It was so wet that there was a gigantic America-shaped puddle at the end of the driveway I spotted on my way out.)

One of the great things about the Fringe is that it's live entertainment (or it tries to be entertaining). So much of our lives is virtual, compartmentalized, anonymous, one-way, passive, etc., that to take the opportunity to be out in the world, with people, where things may go wrong (!) is becoming unusual. Films, although I love them, are perfected in studios, crafted in editing suites until they are so far removed from real life, which is probably part of why we love them. Theatre at this level on the other hand, is done by people, one person at a time, live, with spoken voices in life-size shapes.

At the Fringe, you can mingle with the performers at the Courtyard or outside their venues. Your ticket payments go directly to them and they are often happy to meet you and thank you for being their patron. Hanging around the Courtyard almost guarantees someone will try to woo you to their show - it's blatant marketing and it's fun being appreciated as a customer on such a base level. "Pick me! Pick me! Come to my show!" It's so totally self-expressed, which is another part of why I love going. I love to hang out with people who are up to something and who are fully self-expressed, or self-expressed lots, because I'm sure there are people there who are still holding back!

The other thing the Fringe does is it asks for what it needs from the community. "We need volunteers! We need people to open their homes to out-of-town performers!" They've made it easy to hear what they need and they have an easy path to volunteering and helping out generally. Their system seems to work well.

To me, that's following a yogic path of moving from surviving to thriving. This is a group of people that overcome their circumstances and conditions - the festival started because performers couldn't get their shows in the traditional venues for a variety of reasons - and they've managed to create from nothing something that is exciting, that offers people an unbiased opportunity (the shows are chosen by lottery) to put on a show, that pays for their travel across the country in some cases, and adds value to the community they're in.

Yoga Class Planning

2010-06-16T09:13:00.005-04:00

I know there are some styles of yoga that work from a static template and others that get modified based on the teacher, but even the pre-programmed classes have to give a little based on who's actually in the class. As a teacher, you'll have your plan and then you'll be with your group and the plan may need to be adjusted.

"Planning is priceless, plans are useless," is one of the phrases I learned a long time ago.

I received an inquiry from a participant in my upcoming Mother Daughter workshop at Omega about the amount of time we'll be doing seated meditation compared to postures. I replied with something like, "we'll do some seated meditation but I don't expect it will be for too long because half of the group will be kids and I'll work with the group." Offering an hour-long sit isn't in my plan for that workshop even though some of the kids might be able to do it. From my experience, kids won't enjoy sitting for that long in a yoga workshop and neither will the grownups!

On the other side, an old student came to class last night who hadn't been in a long time, so she hadn't been to the class since I switched it from a Beginning Yoga class, which was basically the same every time, to a Yoga and Meditation class, which has a new predictability. She's someone who I knew came to the class in part because the routine was count-on-able. I let her know in advance that the class had changed somewhat and I felt a bit bad that'd I'd changed it because I knew she liked it the way it was. She did great and I think it all worked out well. In that case though, I wasn't really prepared to not do the longer meditation because that structure was established and the class had that as a theme, not to mention there were lot of other people in the class. I was committed to that plan, but was aware that it might not work for everybody.

Being committed to the plan versus being attached to it is one way to look at how it could be. For the Mother Daughter Yoga workshop I'm not even really committed to the plan but rather to the delivery of an experience or opportunities for an experience. The plan might go out the window when I see who shows up. 8 year olds are quite different than 13 year olds and their relationships with their mothers are often in different stages. So different activities may be appropriate for the group.

The trick is to be sensitive to the group and to really know your stuff so you can adjust and for extra bonus points, which will translate into a better group experience, is to make it seem seamless to your students. Taking your plan and making a big production of tearing it up in front of them isn't necessary, although there may be times when that's the thing to do! But having the confidence that comes with being responsible for your group will make your teaching experience satisfying. You'll be ready for anything.

Oil Spill and Yoga

2010-06-13T08:15:00.004-04:00

I've been looking at the oil spill and listening for messages from it. There are many but one that struck me this morning was about how strong the foundation of your practice needs to be in order to handle all of the energy that could potentially flow through you. Yoga teachings warn about the kundalini energy and tell us to fortify ourselves, take it easy, move on as appropriate and warn of the dangers of moving too quickly. Unexpected kundalini rising can be painful, crazy-making, can mess up your life, fry your system, and a whole bunch of other things.

So this oil that's coming up is energy. It's massive amounts of energy, that when channelled properly, fuels our lives and allows us to live in the world of form in fun and interesting ways. Apparently there were some shortcuts taken at the foundation that left the structure unstable. We've all tried to find shortcuts to our practice. Could we skip certain things, go ahead, do advanced practices before we're ready, avoid having a guru or mentor...

What was interesting for me was to look at the impact wasted energy has on other people. If a practitioner doesn't build a strong foundation but rushes ahead and their energy is spent and leaked and wasted, there's a huge impact that goes beyond just that yogi. Wasting my energy is a mess for my family and others around me to clean up. It reminds me of the Marianne Williamson quote that Nelson Mandela read at his inauguration and that it doesn't serve others to stay small. I'd like to add, that not only does it not serve others, it can keep them down and have a bigger impact than we can predict in our minds.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

----from A Return to Love, by Marianne Williamson.

Biking in Ottawa

2010-06-11T10:27:00.007-04:00

I posted a tweet earlier this week that it biking in Ottawa is great for leisure but lousy for transportation. We have these lovely bike paths and they do go for many kilometers. But if those are not on the way to where you want to go, you're out on the street with the cars. Or on the sidewalks with the pedestrians.

I have an old bike. I am not a cyclist. I don't wear special clothing to ride my bike. I just get on with whatever I'm wearing and go to where I want to go. I'm not particularly fast, so taking up a whole lane, being a road warrior, doesn't always fit the situation. I've even been yelled at and told to "get a car" when I took up a whole lane on Rideau once. Getting yelled at when you're biking makes it an emotional event as opposed to just getting where you need to go.

This month, the police in Ottawa have taken it upon themselves to educate people about the fact that bikes are vehicles and need to behave that way so they're ticketing people for things like riding on the sidewalk and not having a bell. As I shoo away drug dealers and users off my steps to go get my bike I sometimes scratch my head at our priorities. Nevermind, the law's the law.

After being "touched" by a bus outside the Chateau Laurier riding on Wellington, I refuse to ride on the road there unless the traffic is really light. I ride on the very wide sidewalk, going very slowly, avoiding pedestrians and being mindful of the fact they have the right of way.

When you get on a bike in Ottawa, you're taking your life in your hands. We have some seriously crazy bike lanes that all of a sudden end, that reappear, that put you in the middle of oncoming traffic (I'm thinking Laurier to Nicholas, the bridge behind the Rideau Centre, going along Scott St., just to name a few spots) and other wild manoeuvres. Imagine taking your kid along Elgin up to the Rideau Center to ride into the Market. I'm sorry, you'd be up on the sidewalk so fast...

Other cities around the world have managed to encourage bike traffic. One of my Sunday morning regulars informed me that Copenhagen had a radical plan to reduce city streets available to cars and make them more pedestrian and bike friendly. They've continued to successfully open up more and more downtown roads to people-powered transportation. She said that Ottawa's currently in the process of reviewing possibilities for us. Talks are underway right now.

Dealing with people and their health, I'm interested in people exercising and incorporating exercise in their normal lives rather than having to carve out special time to take classes and go to the gym. I think people should be encouraged to travel by bike and not be limited to paths along the river, but be in paths that are functional so we can go safely where we want to go. I'm sure as a driver I'll feel inconvenienced if a downtown road is closed off to cars, but the possibility of riding safely would make it so I'd take more biking trips and not need so much emotional strength and bravery just to take the 15-minute ride from my house to where I teach yoga.

Birds and Tears

2010-06-07T09:11:00.002-04:00

Yesterday morning I had to have a little cry at the beginning of my yoga class. Before teaching I'd done my meditation and had pulled Pema Chodron's book, When Things Fall Apart, off my shelf for comfort. She describes ways to use the pain of a heavy heart to come to a peaceful place. When you can't ignore the thoughts or just notice them and let them be, you can breathe into them, like take them in.

It was hard to breathe in the feelings yesterday as I had such contrasting images in my mind. The idyllic, pre oil poisoning of the region, and the newer images of the destruction of the animals in the area that are showing up now. I'm not vegetarian, I drive a car, and I'm looking at my role in this disaster. The grief was present.

I still haven't edited the video we took in the winter for a yoga DVD. I just grabbed this folder and put it out there as a slideshow as a way to remember. I was there. I admired the birds. I felt the water.

The Best Part about the iPhone App Thing

2010-06-05T08:35:00.006-04:00

The best part of this iPhone/iPod touch/iPad yoga app thing isn't the apps so much. It's not the portability of the yoga class; it's not the supporting of the teachers who create apps so they can earn money from their classes in other ways; it's not the satisfaction of having my ideas become manifest in reality; it's not even promoting yoga to people who haven't tried yet and who are yet to experience the benefits. The best part for me is how much fun I get to have spending time with the teachers who are creating their own apps.

As a yoga teacher, I'm pretty much solo. I see other teachers in the hall and we say, "Hi. How are you. How was your class? Have a good class?" and stuff like that. It's the thing we do.

What working on the apps has done has made way more relationship possible. People come over to my house, I make outcalls to people to show them what I'm looking for, and there's just way more connection and communication. And it's all helpful and all on the same side and very creative. Working on a project together where it's low pressure and high fun and possibility is really great. So even if these yoga apps fail miserably, which they won't because they're already moving along nicely, I'm having a great time just getting to hang out with great people.

So in case you're wondering, Louise's Hot Yoga flow will be available in the App Store soon. Yoga with Jamine is available right now.

East, Sleep, Poop, (Yoga)

2010-06-03T09:01:00.003-04:00

I know there's some hierarchy about the needs people have but we forget all the time. When dealing with children, especially those too young to "use their words," we look at their behaviour and if it's off, we start asking questions to ourselves. Has this child had enough sleep? Have they had enough to eat? When did they last go to bathroom?

And then we grow up and no one asks that about us anymore and we carry on. (Funnily enough, the words used for the greeting "how are you" in some Asian languages is "have you eaten.") And we carry on until we get stopped. Life breaks down. Things stop working. We get cranky.

It's at that point (earlier would be better) that we could be asking ourselves, have I had a good sleep? Like, am I getting enough sleep in general? Many people do not get enough sleep. As we get older, we so much do not get enough sleep that we take medication to help us get enough sleep. We've had to miss a lot of sleep before we get tranquilizers and then the sleep we get isn't quite as "pure" as before. All medications have side-effects.

We do things that discourage good sleep. Here are just a few things we do that can make sleeping difficult: watching TV late (for some people I know it puts them to sleep); being on the computer up until bed time; eating late; eating certain foods late; drinking alcohol in the evening (it may make you sleepy initially but will wake you up later); going to bed without enough time to get the amount of sleep we need; and you know how the rest.

And then there's eating. Have you eaten? And by that, really I mean, have you nourished yourself? There's lots of foods we can eat that do not nourish our bodies. So have you eaten in a way that serves your body first? If your body's given the best ingredients to do its job, it will function better. We know this, but we don't always do it...

Pooping. Very important to poop... I work with kids in the hospital every week and a big issue for them when they're away from home and with new foods and program, etc., is finding a way to go to the bathroom in peace. If you don't have a good system for pooping or your poops aren't healthy, you'll not be in top form. That's just how it goes.

And then there's yoga and meditation. Most people can probably get by without doing yoga and/or meditation. For a while. Until they start adding it into their lives. Once you've added it into your life, it'll be noticeable when you don't do it. If you're used to flossing and brushing your teeth, you won't like the feeling of dirty teeth even for a day. Same thing with doing yoga and meditation. Once you're used to being comfortable in your body and good with yourself and not thrown so far by your thoughts, you won't want to miss it.

So then the question is - did you sleep? Have you eaten? Did you go to the bathroom? Have you done your practice? And if not, what are you going to do about it?

No Computer = No Blogging

2010-06-01T17:09:00.004-04:00

I know, some of you are thinking this is not possible. No computer? Why, Jamine, we know you to be a person who has at least five devices at her disposal that could send your data to her blog, so why would you even type such a title?

It's true. I have lots of computers and other things that could connect to the internet but you know what? Sometimes they don't. I have a Bell Sympatico modem cranking away so I have wifi all the time, except it doesn't work so good if I have a laptop out on the couch instead of in my office on the desk. I've been using my neighbour's unsecured network for ages so I didn't really need to move my modem. Up until now.

Something happened and if I'm not at the computer plugged into the wall, I get no signal. Or spotty signal. Someone who knows more about these things said it's because there's a fridge between me and the modem and that's what's blocking it. I don't know. But what I do know is if I can't sit at the computer and just type away in this box, I don't do it. My Blackberry can't log in to my blog so I can't even do it with my thumbs. The iPod Touch screen is way too tricky and the spelling helper never supplies words I'd use, so those posts are really short. So my blog is for the moment, computer and internet dependent.

Why was my main computer occupied for most of the day such that I could not blog, you may be wondering? Well, we're working on some yoga apps! Capital Yoga Publishing is in the process of publishing! Yay! Yoga with Jamine has hit the streets (at the App store) and next up is Yoga with Louise or Hot Yoga with Louise, we haven't decided. And there's Yoga with Mark on the way too. So that's what's going on. You'll know when there's more.

Oh, and the Ottawa Fringe is back. I went to the media launch today. So exciting! It's like travelling to far away lands without having to go myself. It's a whole new thing to do, people to be with, sights to see, all starting June 17. Check it out. There'll be lots more about it here on this blog because that's what I'll be up to for the next few weeks!

A Good Death

2010-05-31T09:00:00.003-04:00

I don't know if it was a good death or not because I wasn't there, but it sounded like a very peaceful transition as described by a regular to one of my classes, who's also a yoga teacher.

She's been missing a lot of classes because she's been spending time with her father-in-law as he was passing away in a local hospice. So when she turned up yesterday to class, I knew something had probably happened. He died Saturday night.

What stood out for me in the few details she gave me about the passing was how she sat and meditated with him. "And instead of watching my breath, I started watching his breath." So I'm imagining her tuning in with him, really being with him in whatever state he was in at the time. And then she said, "and then he took his last breath and I was there." That's not exactly how she said it but I got it. Other people were there too, but she was really with him as he transitioned.

As she told me I teared up. I was really moved by how present she was with him and what a generous gift he gave her by allowing her to be so close and to share such an intimate moment of his life. And for her to be able to go right to the edge with him, and then let him go. It was clearly a special moment.

She's inspired by all of the people who work at the hospice and by how peaceful everything is and how they have to handle that sort of transition on a regular basis. Helping people to have good deaths, both the people transitioning and the families taking them as far as they can.

I'm inspired by her story of being so connected to her own breath that she could shift that and be with someone else's breath. That's a great yoga teacher.

Bottled Nonsense

2010-05-27T12:51:00.009-04:00

If you've come to my yoga class at all in the past few months, you've probably seen me drinking out of a yogourt container. I am trying to make a statement. It has a few parts. One is, I'm lazy and I lose things. So the truth is, I've had fancy water bottles in the past, but I have misplaced them. I also used to drink bottled water back before I really thought about what I was doing. Now that I've got some sense in me, I drink tap water, and I drink it in whatever appropriate container I have handy.

I've tried a few different containers but some have a rim that dribbles and the best one I've got is a Liberté Yogourt container. It's 500 ml, so it holds enough, or if I'm doing hot yoga, I can run out and refill it. If I lose it, I can get another one easily.

It doesn't make sense to me that YOGA would go unconscious. Yoga is heading towards consciousness, towards the light, not heading backwards. So for yoga centres to even sell bottled water seems to me a bit off. I've been saying for a while, why don't we offer cups and people could use the tap? I even had a "great idea" recently that I'd collect yogourt containers and Rama Lotus could sell them at the cash for two bucks and the money would go to the Shepherds of Good Hope or something. But what if they're dirty? (People going into hot yoga are sweating on each other's mats on a gross carpet in many cases, these are not the people that are going to worry about having a cup be sterile.) I figured people could still buy bottled water if they wanted to so it's not like people are being forced into drinking out of a reclaimed container of dubious origin.

And then I looked into biodegradable drinking cups. We could sell those for two bucks and have the money go to charity. The brand I looked at didn't have lids though.

So I'm back to my yogourt containers. I'm going to bring extras with me to class. I'm going to sell them for ten bucks and give the money to charity (Shepherds of Good Hope) and I'm hoping to raise awareness that this bottled water thing is out of control and would people please use some common sense and be grateful for the tap water system we've spent many years developing. I want it to look good to reuse something. I know those metal bottles are awesome but after awhile they go stinky. They're too narrow at the top to really wash out.

And I've already been exposed to the plastic in the yogourt container. The amount that it is going to leech into my water while I'm waiting to drink it over a 90-minute period I would guess is probably negligible. I've already risked it by eating up all the yogourt. So I've already said I'm ready to take a risk.

So please just give it some thought. $30 water bottles. Hmm. They look cool and they're totally useful. And if you can keep track of them, please keep reusing them! Once you've lost it for good, consider looking around at something you've already got and put water in that rather than buy bottled water. In Ottawa. If you're travelling abroad, drink bottled water. Please. But if you're local, and you're not ill, and you trust the system we've got, please don't worry about how it will look to drink out of an alternative container. You'll be in good company!

Yoga and Meditation are not always relaxing

2010-05-18T17:56:00.004-04:00

It came up again today in yoga class (cops this aft) about how yoga is supposed to be relaxing. This also came up on Sunday during the meditation workshop. Especially with meditation, it is like a mirror - you can see yourself - so if you're not relaxed and you show up to meditate, chances are you may notice you're not relaxed. And meditating won't necessarily relax you.

Same thing with yoga. It doesn't necessarily relax you. Sometimes yoga is quick. Some of the breathing is really fast. And sometimes it's slow. Sometimes people slow down and it's not relaxing to be slowed down. So context is everything. Depending on when you're doing your practice, depending on who's doing it, what's going on, where it is, what you're trying to accomplish, and many other factors, it may or may not be relaxing.

There's no guarantee that people will be relaxed doing anything. And different people get relaxed by different things. Somethings that relax one person agitate another, or agitate the same person at a different time. Getting it right is an art.

Funny Meditation

2010-05-17T21:20:00.002-04:00

I led a meditation workshop yesterday, like I do sometimes, and I had a great time. At the end of it someone raised her hand and said, "I don't have a question but I just wanted to say you were really funny" and something about how she got a lot out of the workshop, and like that.

I like that I can make meditation funny. It is funny! C'mon. Think about it. You're sitting there and all kinds of stuff happens. We had a big laugh. Sometime I'll tape it and transcribe the good bits. It's late right now and I can barely type let alone remember and put into sentences what I said yesterday.

But hey, if you think I'm funny and you want more and you like Kat Mills, who's even funnier, you might like to come out this Friday to our Living your Yoga workshop. Seriously. It'll be fun for sure.

We're going to talk about yoga and do a few poses and make some plans and get into discussions and it's going to be awesome. We'll share. We'll laugh. Come out.

Visualization

2010-05-14T22:43:00.007-04:00

I came across this post tonight and I thought it was useful. I've been reading about the oil leak/spill and feeling really sad and down about it at times, reflecting on how bad things are going to be for the people of the area and for all of the animals. I'm not saying this video is going to help, but it was something I saw that wasn't just the bad news. It is using the power of intention to help heal an unwanted situation.

Where I spent time this winter in Florida is going to be impacted by this oil disaster. Things there will change for sure. Of course there is an opportunity for things to get better, for new inventions to be made, for things to change so we prevent against it happening again in the future.

But from up here in Ottawa, here's something maybe we can do to support the efforts of stopping the leak at the site down in the Gulf of Mexico.

Adam's site can be found here.

Everything Changes State

2010-05-13T12:53:00.006-04:00

I got an email this morning from the iTunes store telling me that my application has changed state. Hmm. Even applications change. Everything changes.

So I watched the rest of the DVD that was loaned to me. The Buddha - by PBS. Everything changes. Of course.

Today's a funny day. Funny like tastes funny, not funny, ha ha. It's almost "siquid," which may be a word you haven't heard me use in a long time. (Siquid is a word I made up in a dream I had after meeting Mother Teresa, which really happened, and taking a long, strange trip in a bus outside of Calcutta, again, really happened, to describe a state of things changing but you can watch it.) So today's a bit siquid in my opinion.

(Oh, the application changed from Awaiting Review to In Review.)

Update: the app has changed state and is now available to download here! This version is free.

Morning Meditation

2010-05-11T08:55:00.004-04:00

You know, I try. I try to meditate regularly. And actually, I'm pretty good at it. I picked a time that works for me and I've been pretty consistent with it over time. The time that works for me however, isn't exactly a time that works for everyone around me. This morning at 8 on the dot, the new constructiony thing that's happening at the Shepherd's fired up. The kid upstairs jumped on my head a bunch. And still, I sat. I know I could get up earlier and things would be quieter and then maybe I'd get "more done." My meditation would "go better." But when it's quieter, I've got my own inner noise to deal with.

Back in 1998 there was an ice storm. I was living in Upstate New York at the time and the power went out for a day or two. As soon as the power went out I remarked how the water was still running and there was still some noise in the house. My husband said, "no there's not. There's no noise." "Seriously? Well what's that sound then?"

That led me to a short investigation of my tinnitus and a spot at the MRI Clinic (down in the States you don't have to wait like here). As I was getting into the machine they mentioned something about how if you're pregnant you shouldn't get it done and I was like, "I might be pregnant," and they got me out the machine and I rescheduled. I never got the MRI but I did have a kid. I still have ringing in my ear and sometimes it's more noticeable than others. I find around allergy season I hear it more loudly. I definitely hear it in meditation, even with construction and jumping, and I've resolved to just not let it bother me. It is never quiet in my head unless I get way out of my head...and then it's really super-quiet. (I've also noticed that I like to wear my glasses a bit more during allergy season - not just to keep the pollen out of my eyes - my eyes go more wonky in the spring.)

So I don't really mind if there's a bunch of external noise when I'm meditating. I know there's going to be noise - internal, external, whatever - and it doesn't always bother me. In fact, that's part of my practice, noticing if it's bothering me or not. It's just a gauge...

Mother Courage

2010-05-09T16:42:00.004-04:00

For at least the past eight years I have led a yoga class on Mother's Day. So that whole image of mom getting breakfast in bed, her children toddling up with a tray, a little tulip in a vase, a chocolate kiss on the side - that's never happened to me. What I have done is reflect each year on what it means to be a mother. What courage it took to be a mother. Anybody's mother.

Today I led a short metta meditation that was just a short reflection on your mother. Whether you knew her or not, whether she's still alive or she's passed on, and just imagining what it might have been like to have you. Imagining your mom as her young self, with you in her arms. How scary it might have been, how exciting it might have been, maybe both. There's no easy way to be a mother I don't think. I mean, it can all work out of course, but I don't think you can get into Mammasana without having to face a lot of fears. I don't think you can do Momasana without finding your courage.

I became a mom in South Africa and one of our friends there was a great meditator (they have a fabulous meditation retreat if you're ever looking for a far away place to go) and he said that mothers must get enlightened to have a child. And how it's curious that that enlightenment fades away. Giving birth can definitely be a big moment of enlightenment.

No matter what though, to have had you, meant your mother passed through phases of internal witnessing over time, that may have been some of the most tender moments of her life, perhaps some of the scariest, and in the end she had you. If you're reading this, your mother had you. She did a good job. So if you haven't acknowledged your mother for the courage it took her to have you, I would recommend you at least silently do that today. If you have it in you, contact her and appreciate her for how risky it was to be your mother and how wonderful a job she did.

And if you're a mom yourself, acknowledge yourself for taking a risk to be a mother, the courage it took to be pregnant and give birth and maybe even raise that child! And if you gave up your child or lost your child, it still took courage and maybe even more, so acknowledge yourself for what you went through. It's a big deal. It's natural, it happens everyday, and yet, it's a very big deal.

One other thing, as time goes by and we see our mothers as very human and we maybe feel more distance, it may be a good reminder to allow ourselves to be loved like our mothers did or maybe still do. Let in the love that's there. Allow yourself to be loved by the earth, loved by the people who are close to you. Your mom just really wanted you to be loved and to feel good. Of course there's more, but honour that part by letting yourself be held by your life, allowing your life to love you, allowing yourself to be mothered, in a totally good way.

Getting There...

2010-05-06T17:37:00.006-04:00

So the App I've been telling you about is undergoing a change and its new incarnation will be available any minute. We're uploading it to Apple as I type, so when they're through with their process, there will be a new, free app to try. It'll look a lot like the one I've been telling you about but that's because I'm using the same pictures and content.

What's happened is that I've been approved by IRAP (Industrial Research Assistance Program) to hire someone with skillz to do the programming for me. I found him a few months ago and he's been working steadily for the past few weeks while we've been waiting for the official word to come from Toronto that we'll really be okayed. He did not work on the original app. We found out last week that we've been approved and my programmer will actually be paid to build more apps as well as build an interface so you yoga teachers out there can create your own mobile apps for your students.

The new app will be available when Apple has reviewed it. The status we just saw on the screen said "In Review." Whoohoo!

Next steps are to finish my full app so my students can have the whole class as the free version will just have a few sequences. I need to find teachers who are willing to come up with content so I can provide them with apps. And we have to build the input system, but that will take quite awhile. It's a behind the scenes thing that when it's rolled out, will make so much sense. But for now, we've got our first one ready to go and it's cool!

Yoga on the go - really!

You can "like" Capital Yoga Publishing on Facebook if you want to follow the progress from there and see more screen shots :)

Day of UnPlugging

2010-05-04T08:36:00.003-04:00

My daughter and I did another "No Technology Day" on Saturday. Well, from Friday at sundown until Saturday at sundown. We are both lovers and power users of some technologies and we've agreed to take a day a month to just not be plugged in. At first she was resistant and even put up a bit of a struggle, so we argued and I won and we lasted the whole day. This time there wasn't much struggle, plus the weather was nice and we went out and did stuff, so the time went by pretty easily. She's even planning future No Technology Days - this time we went to our trampoline school for an extra hour outside of our normal time. My daughter said, "next time we have NTD, let's do two hours of trampoline!" I did not agree to go along with that idea but who knows how I'll be feeling next time!

During the fast we have an opportunity to notice so many other things. We were getting ready for bed, reading our books and my daughter mentioned that she was having trouble reading her book because there was a song going on in her head. The song was drowning out the words on the page! We are influenced by the stuff we're ingesting all the time and we barely even notice. All the news and images and sounds. Sometimes it takes unplugging to notice the residue that we're coated in.

(We call it No Technology Day, but we don't mean no technology at all - we still have tools we use and accept phone calls, for instance - we mean the Internet and TV generally.)

Yoga on the Grass

2010-04-28T11:08:00.003-04:00

A recent YTT grad asked me about my experience teaching outside on the grass and it got me to thinking. And my getting to thinking got me to writing, and well, here we go.

Teaching yoga outside works in a lot of ways and there's also a lot that can go wrong. Context is everything...

So first of all, who are you teaching? Once, I was teaching a bunch of adolescents and they flipped out when we were on the grass because there were insects on their mats. That didn't work. However, now that I know they might react to it, I still teach outside on the grass, but I warn them about the bugs and sometimes I even add that they could pretend it's lucky to have an ant on their mat, or we can use it as an opportunity to notice our reactions, etc.

If the group knows each other, that's always going to be different than if the group doesn't. Same thing with if the group is required to do yoga, like a gym class, or wants to do yoga, like they've signed up for an 8-week class with you. Totally different groups.

Then there's the environment. Are you near traffic? Let me tell you, breathing in exhaust fumes while you're doing yoga is not so pleasant. I've been outside in a seemingly serene environment when all of a sudden a big lawn mower starts doing its thing. Stinky, loud, distracting to say the least.

Is it public? Will strangers walk by and comment or try and interact with the group? That's happened, too. I once had a guy approach my group and ask to bum a smoke. True story. And if people are standing by and watching it can feel awkward to your students, so what's the space like?

Is it wet? Is it warm? Is it windy? Yoga on the grass is best when it's not damp, when it's warm enough, and when there's not too much wind. Yelling while you're teaching will tire you right out. If it's hot, it's nice to have shade available so people don't have to worry about sunburn.

Do people have mats? Yoga straight on the grass can be challenging because of the bugs and the sticks and the potential poop and stuff. Blankets work well too.

Is the ground even? That's another dynamic that comes into play when you're teaching outside. Often the ground is not level and some people are rolling down a hill or there's a bump in the middle of the mat, so lying down isn't always comfortable.

Leading yoga classes outside is often a lot of fun. Unpredictable happenings are more likely because there's less you can control, and sometimes those classes are the most memorable. I'd love to hear from any of you who've taught or taken yoga classes outside. How'd it go?

Jamine the Yoga Teacher

Attending a Funeral Today

New Beginnings

We Could Use Some Blankets

On the Other Side

Tomorrow's the Day

Living Your Yoga Some More

Back to Bikram

Confusion - Fibroids - TMI

Workshop Today

Yoga in Safe Schools

How Yoga Works - India Canada Friendship Circle Talk

Am I Grateful Yet?

Last Sunday

Making Changes

On Second Thought

Update - health and other things

Yoga Retreat

Yoga and Hoarding

Staying Fresh as a Yoga Teacher

Yoga Rules

The Herbs *May* Be Working

Seed Protocol

Girls and Boys Yoga

This is not a blog about Fibroids

Saw the Doctor

Social Media for Everybody

New to Yoga

Lent Update

Lent

Sunday Snow Day Yoga

No News

Natural Shiva Lingam

So it's a Fibroid (fibroidasana)

At that Invisible Place

Project Get Good Sleep

My Own Practice

I missed blogging here

Blog is Moving

Meditation - with Interruptions

Assumptions

Beginners are Tough

New Life

Letting it Go

Just Because You Do Yoga, Doesn't Mean You're Better

Spring Cleaning (late version)

Reading the Journals

Portable Yoga

Radical Thoughts

Travelling Inexpensively

This Life - Thanksgiving

Working on my Brain

Biking in Ottawa

Watering Your Plant

Wrapped up with a Bow

Birthday Pose Again!

The Power of Water

Partner Yoga

Neighbourly Interactions

Summer Reading

Holy Moly

Should I Blog or Talk to My Higher Self?

Back on Blog

Late Night Drama

Yea, my hair's pretty oily

Warms My Heart

YTT PM Teaching Moment

The Most Powerful Alignment Details

Attachment, refined

Attachment, reviewed

Yoga Teacher Training is a Good Way to Look at Your Life

We're Back

Integration

The Fire - I'm in it

Big Breath

Vasudhaiv Kutumbikam (Happy Canada Day)

Yoga App Poem

Friday Fringe Review

Movers and Shakers

Yoga and Clown

The Herbs May Be Working